Close your eyes, Let the silence, Conqour the meaning of your lives

so, like i was telling you about last night at tim's house...well, i wen to bed and couldnt sleep and was kinda depressed so i put on evanessence's my immortal. i was crying and gasping so i backed up against my wall and held my palms to my throat for two minute *max* intervals with 30 secs in between. after the sixth time, i dont remember anything except the impact of the floor. i woke up around 2 and crawled into bed and fell asleep. then, just about 20 minutes ago i was listening to jew and sugarcult and was so frustrated and depressed that as i walked to get my meds and a glass of water put my hands to my throat and pushed. i remember the kitchen floor. and the clock saying ?:27 of course dad had left already so it had to have been 4:27, i woke up at 4:41. scary, huh? i loved it. i just closed my eyes and colapsed. i loved it. exhilerating yet calming. and it helps me fall asleep cuz the drowsy headache. NEW BADHABIT. HANDS TO THROAT BITCHES. this is prolly harmful to my brain, lack of blood flow, yet idc. how ppl die due to lack of blood flow to the brain?