When they're all here, You know you're not alone

party at my house yesterday. rick, dalton, tim, phil, mike, andy and david. david left his coat. lol. we watched waterboy...why?......idk. but it was hilarious. we made fun of so many ppl:joke. lol. rick said "oooh, drunk cheerleaders, the only way i like em" and phil says some-what qiuetly "the only way you can get em" lmao. im starting to really like phil. meh. david and mike and andy all thought i was dating tim.....um, nope. lol. we walked around outside, almost got shot cuz we rang some guy's doorbell. during that time, we hid behind ian's mom's car *(aka moo)* lol. ran thru his backyard, and then up the street to michelle's backyard. lmao. we lost rick on the way home. lol. found him and went inside. dad TOTALLY flipped cuz we didnt say where we were going. which was gay cuz he made everyone call their parents. we watched tv until david's mom picked him, andy and mike up. then we played strip poker and i wore tim's shirt instead of being topless, cuz i had a pair of twos and TOTALLY lost. lmao. it sucked cuz i was hoping not to lose, im not sexy topless. but it was sooooo funny. but it was fun. dalton and phil held their shirts up while i changed when phil's mom arrived. of course, dalton watched. i DO have a thing for dalton. he is very cute and a total sweety. and, i know this sounds crazy, but when he was making me pass out he, idk, was....soo......exotic you could say. idk. but i liked it. they made me pass out about 5 times. the last time lasted the longest and i woke up with my legs giving way under me and dalton's arm across my chest. it was great. i love it. i made myself passout in pe today. me, steph anthony and paige were sitting on the bench on the weightroom, and i stood against a wall and made myself passout. woke up about 20 seconds later squating down with my hands on my knees. lmao. they always think im faking cuz i smile when its over. i smile, bcuz the feeling, thats when im happy. the fuzzy feeling all over, the blurry vision and empty memory. its so great. apparently, i slashed josh's tires. WTF? and now trevor's in on it bcuz when i pulled out my knife on the bus today, to show tayler, he asked me on aim if i use it to slash tires. wtf? a nice knife like that...on tires? hell no. wtf? why the hell would i do that? now,if he egged my house....THEN MAYBE. jsut maybe tho. i burned a couple led zeppeling songs onto a cd this morning but ran outta batteries. i got past a whole buncha parts on alice. im doing pretty well acctually. i was sooooo exhausted today in school. im scik of it. FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON IM FEELING LIKE SHIT. i really just wanna ran away from reality. i wish i was in a coma. id be fucking happy. im so frustrated with life and ppl and school. i have ALL Ds. wtf? why am i so stupid? why cant i be motivated to do my work? there's days when i get up saying IM GONNA DO GOOD TODAY, IM GONNA LOVE MYSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE. IM GONNA SMILE AND DO MY HOMEWORK AND DO CHORES AND BE A GOOD DAUGHTER. and when i arrive home from school, im like, fuck you all go die. wtf? lol. and matthew charles schock is now officially dead. he's pulling out old rumors and shit. why? idk. bcuz of some amber chick. she totally borught him down. all of a sudden i should burn in hell. idk. frankly idc. i cant fucking call ppl when i say i will, nothing works out how i want it to, even if i DO try to make it work. idk. im soooo fuckin frustrated. in truth, im bawling. i really am. mike's harassing me and so is everyone else all about josh's tires. i only get spoken to if i did something wrong. but when im nice and happy im left alone. i wanna go to pius so bad. idc if i have to pray eeryday and dress in gay uniforms....this isnt worth clothing choice. what the hell did i do to deserve to be hated. trevor.....the one person i would do anything for, hates me. and so do all his friends. omg. i just, idk. im so ready to give up, on everything. on phil, on david, on school, on dad and mom and my tongue and college and being alive. its not worth it. i just wanna press my hands to my throat and never wake up......