As I Rest My Heart On a Flower

I <3 STEAK! <--for derek
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so, after i broke up with phil, i ended up in a state of breakdown. i got kyle miller to pick me up adn run me to phils, where, i found out later, phil was at the time....drinking. :S not cool. but i gave him his hendrix shirt since my brother had stolen it earlier that day, and the scrapbook. i handed them to him and asked him back out. we kinda talked a little. i, of course, feel like a selfish, hearltess bitch, but it works. i guess. kyle and i ended up leaving so that tim would calm down cuz of his parents coming home. so we drove around, attempted to find matt krause's house to see his new car. couldnt find it. went to den hartog and watched millard south vs millard. dont know if it was freshman, jv, or what....but it got boring. so we left and i got ahold of phil and kyle and i met phil at the park by phils house. we went on the swings. and then i, stupidly, trusted them and i got on the tire swing. i dont know how many times i said NOT SO HIGH but they kept doing it. it was fun tho, even if my butt got stuck. we walked back to kyle's car and drove phil part way home. then kyle and i took the long way home and kinda sat in silence and listened to ac/dc and what have you. came home, in a good mood, but got yelled at bcuz i came home late and 'didnt let dad know what was going on.' fucking retard. went to bed. *mmmmmmmm bed*
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yesterday, got up. ate oatmeal and pretty muched lazied around until it was time to get ready. after sitting in a waiting room at mike's diversions appointment, i met phil at tim's house.....who by the way, never called phil back like phil pleaded and just about got me in trouble. we walked to the park and hung out at this grey bench. the heat made me feel really sick and with the added lack-of-sleep, i felt like passing out. suddenly, i remembered that phils neighboors were in thialand. so, we went over to dale dr and snuck into yet another neighboor's house. well, the backyard anyways. so, we sat on this two-person swing for a moment, then phil snuck over to his house and got some pop and snuck back over. and we sat there for about two hours, watching the shadows from the setting sun and talked. just talked. about our friends' questions about sex. emily :(. flirting. family. divorce. and well, just random stuff. it was such a total change to what we're used to. and what makes me to incredibly happy about it, is that, if we do end up growing up together, thats all we'll have is talking. i mean, living together, talking is most of it bcuz by then sex will have lost just a teeny bit of its luster. ya know? not saying it wont be fun, it just wont look as fun. but, im so happy we were talking. but umm, it did end up getting sexual, and i didnt mind it. im not saying what we did or anything, butttt, i ended up crying bcuz it ended up hurting. in the end i was partially pleased with the results. i guess. i think i did horribly. but, i argued with myself about this last night and i still dont have an answer/solution. then my dad picked me up at the top of phil's street. we went to arbys. then went home, i got ahold of claire...i was suposed to stay the night with her since my dad's in omaha now but her dad threw a hissy fit. >:| grr. i ended up in bed around 12:30.
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today, im up at 7am to hear my brother blowing into a straw really hard and making this high pitched sound so the dog would bark. so i got up once mike tried sneaking into my room to get my bag. so i got up and had to repeatedly turn off his stereo. so i made some oatmeal and some nice hot tea, which is done steeping now. brb. back. mmmmm tea. but anyways, there's some things id like to bring up while phil's internet is still down adn out. but first......I WANT THIS SKIRT!!!! rahhhhh!

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knowing ur bf is so obsessed with body weight and athleticism is so very unnerving. it makes me feel so imperfect. if hes such a perfectionsit with himself, lord only knows the little things he notices about me. i know those few of you that read this piece of crap are rolling ur eyes and want to comment and say OH BRITTNI UR NOT FAT UR PRETTY. dont. im not saying im fat. i dont think im "fat". not by any means. im just VERY unhappy with my boy shape/size. thats my own personaly choice and opinion. im not calling myself fat. so dont comment and freak. but i mean, with the information phil told me yesterday, i feel so imperfect and unworthy. but ive made a couple decisions that nobody will know about adn hopefully it helps, and fast. and nobody notices whats going on.
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theres a kitty at my feet.
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ok, HARRY POTTER 6 SPOLIERS TIME. DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT READ THE 6TH BOOK AND PLAN TO OK?????????!!!!!!!?!?!?!?
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me, being the nerd i am, finished hp6 in about two days time. yay. beat phil. but the only thing i want to dicuss is the locket so i can see if im right when the 7th book comes out. R.A.B. is regulus black. end of story. if JK was to introduce a new character in the story, she would ahve introduced him in the 6th book atleast. all the important roles and characters were introduced early on in a subtle, innocent fashion. r.a.b. is of course dead, and also knew that somebody else would be able to finsh off voldy. regulus is dead, he tried to back out of voldy's inner circle. well, he obviously knew voldy personally, being a death eater and all. and being pure blood, voldy prolly loved him. so, regulus, realizing what voldy's doing, goes after the horcruxes and once voldy finds out whats going on and realizes that regulus is trying to go against him instead of with him, he orders his death eaters to kill him. regulus hides the horcrux in the 'ancient and most noble house of black' which harry now owns. and i beliee that ahrry wont realize it until late in the 7th book that he OWNS part of voldy's soul. found a loop hole? let me know.
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until then......<3
-Brittni.
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i can be the drug you can never resist.