Dear Derek Chmiel

i hope what i said hurt.
ONCE AGAIN, you dont fuckign understand that i feel the same way you do, every god damn day and ahve ever since you told me that u were gay. im sick of fucking hoping and dreaming youll give me a chance without havign to be drunk or high. im sick of wishing youd realise that hetero is better then homo. im sick of having this giant crush on you.

AND IM SICK OF YOU BEING OBLIVIOUS TO THE FACT THAT IVE CRIED OVER YOU SO MUCH.

i cant believe you think i shouldnt be back with phil. i know you had a motivation behind this. idk what it was, but that was relaly mean for looking out for me. do you really think you could be a better bf? atleast my bf is staying with his sexual orientation and phils not such a bad bf that im turning lez. i cant believe you think that phil isnt gonna change and that hes lying and all that shit. you know what? i have every right to complain about my bf, and i bet he complains about me too.

derek, ive loved you for so long. you know that. you're my best friend. but what you're saying isnt what best friends say. even claire wasnt this mean about it. why do you think i shouldnt be with him? WHY. if there's something behind this, i ahve to know. bcuz i can only assume. and when i assume about you im ALWAYS WRONG. and it fucking hurts.

i dont know what to think about you anymore.