C /-\ L L 3 |\|

lol. my title of this post is soooo friggin spiffy.

ok. im really forcing myself to be happy today. and im forcing myself to post. dad and i fought a shit load last night and im still not over it. this time was worse. i hit back. bad mistake. im not suposed to leave the house for a few days. he already yelled at me for it today when i was walking the dog. from what he says, each day, i should have thigns to be proud of and things that make me a better person. sigh. i have nothing to be proud of, i never have. i mean, my dad's an alcoholic. that fact makes me cry alone. i mean, everyone drinks alcohol but i didnt think he drank so much. i didnt think he would be an alcoholic. I WANT HIM IN REHAB. haha. lol. not bcuz i want to help him either. im thinking about calling my old probation officer and asking her what i can do to talk to the court to get a court order for my dad to take classes on anger management and something for alcoholism. oooh. he'd be pissed, but it'd ;

1. Make me a better person
2. Help him
3. Make me feel proud of myself
4. Be smart
5. Look good, saying that I took action for my father, on a resume or application. AND
6. piss him off

but anyways. i think ill email her today. maybe she can help. but that means ill have to go to court and such and sit there and be a burden. sigh. i mean, he wont listen to his mother about A.M. classes or keeping his temper. everything else, he's obedient. sigh. fuck this. ive got thin little slices covering  an inch and a half by inch area on my arm and im lucky if there wont be anymore. and i get yelled at for havign them. hickies are funny now. im gonna make a think to give me them everywhere. HAHAHAHA. stupid fuck.

you know, yesterday was suposed to be a good day. it was, in a way, i mean, i had fun. but still, i shouldnt have cried the once. and my dad ruined everything. i mean.....18, new things and bdsm -b and m. lol. it was great tho. damn period. i hate it. im in pain like you dont know. and i start takings meds once again this sunday. which means i bleed for two months straight. fuck. ill be in bed every minute of the day during that time. who knows about adventureland. well, i have to go order a cookbook for callen's mom. but before i go: new soundtrack. bye guys.

1. Here's To Love - Ewan Mcgregor & Renee Zellweger(sp?)
2. Sexed Up - Robbie Williams
3. Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional  
4. So Cold - Breaking Benjamin
5. Strawberry gashes - Jack Off Jill
6. Cherry Pie - Warrant
7. Back To One - Brian McKnight
8. Only One - Yellowcard
9. Sympathetic - Seether
10. Cute Without The E - Taking Back Sunday
11. Just Like You - Three Days Grace
12. I Hate Everything - Three Days Grace
13. Love Song - 311
14. Light My Fire - The Doors
15. Calling You - Blue October
16. Amazing - Blue October
17. Your Song - Ewan McGregor
18. Tango de Roxanne - Ewan McGregor
19. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
20. Drive Myself Crazy - Nsync
21. You're a Mean One Mr Grinch - How The Grinch Stole Xmas
22. Down With Love - Michael Buble
23. Killing Me Softly - Lauren Hill

i wanna watch down with love, and starsky and hutch and...umm.... VELVET GOLDMINE. my god i wanna see that. ewan mcgregor, leather pants, no shirt and makeup. lol. he goes all gay and stuff. its suposed to be good, trippy, but good. its something id watch with bailey. no one else. but, i wanna hang with callen this weekend and watch starsky and hutch. oh, and down with love. he probably wont watch that (even tho its fucking hilarious) but still. ok g2g now. love ya

.::Brittni::..