Hunger

ive been getting hungry really easily lately. idk why. i DO know that there is no food in this household and im starting to get really sick from not eating much. i saw the french play last night with tim and some of french club. it was awkward cuz a guy i used to like was there and kept giving me funny looks bcuz tim had his arm around me. i liked the plays, atleast, the parts i could understand. the women who did the plays were REALLY good at french. i hope madame heminger will give me night lessons. so that i can get better. i hope i can fluently speak french someday. being able to have a conversation with someone in french that is more then hi, how are you, would be a defining moment in my life. i havent spoken with derek forever. i miss him so much. i really hope i get to meet him soon. i was having a really good day today. i cleaned my room and felt at peace with myself and now i feel so down. yesterday before the play i bought tim some arby's. we ate, it was fun. i was dressed up and he didnt recognise me at first. i know he didnt. lol. i was in heels! OMG. lmao. i felt kinda bad cuz i wasnt that into him, not like i usually am. i want to cry so bad. im so frustrated. idk what to do. i do love tim, honestly, but it was so quick and hurried, and im slowly beging to fall completely for phil. idk. the stove behind me *clsed fireplace* was used last night and dad never completely put out the embers. so i opened it up, bcuz it was softly radiating heat, and there's a slow fire building. kinda. the embers are glowing alot brighter. it feels VERY VERY nice. chris and i are talking alot more. he works at eisley, my fave library. and we both love sandman and cold mountain. he's awesome. its really funny that branden tried to hook us up tho. i got some pics of them from one of their pic-sites. it's hilarious. i have one pic of my ex branden doing this weird-ass pose. it's great. im crying now. softly. nothing bad. i feel so down. i need some chocolate. badly. and a nap. a book. idk. a hug mostly. im gonna go and have some food and watch COld Mountain. maybe cry some more. call phil, and not cry, and then stop talking to phil and cry. sry is if i sound like a depressed poophead *callen's card, lol* ill ttyl. loves. thanks to those ppl who have really cared lately, and taken the time to send me little messages **derek, chris, tim, phil, aaron and binx**