Tennis
not playing tennis. here's why:
1)not in shape enough
2)my sleep would be horrible, i dont get enough as it is.
3)id be a bitch, and pissy all the time
4)i wouldnt stick with it. when id be sore and tired, i wouldnt stay*
5)i wasnt doing it for me. i was doing it for nana, dad and phil. dad knew it too.
.
i hate myself. and i really want to die. again. idk y. i feel like shit. i feel like cutting myself. not bad enough to do it. but i feel alone and worth shit.
.
pictures tomorrow.
.
still hate myself.
.
ugly, fat, stupid, depressive, obsessive, possesive, angry, mashochistic people whould die......that means me.
.
SHOOT ME ALREADY. FUCK GOD. FUCK HEAVEN AND HELL. I DONT CARE. i dont care anymore. there's no one here. no one secretly risking it all to tear down the walls i put up. someone to whisper in my ear that they love me adn that will make it better. to whisper it to me when im crying. when im bawling and clinging to my bed to make sure that death doesnt yank me from it. sometimes, i wish i could join tyler. and him and i could fly between the clouds and keep an eye over everyone. then again. i feel like my death would be the removal of a burden, rather then end up with people looking to my soul as a guide. do i think that of tyler? i hope not. it seems selfish. either way, im gonna cry myself to sleep tonight. cry and cry, drown my pillow and my bed. wake up with eyeliner marking the trails from earlier before. im gonna cry till there's no more tears. im gonna cry, till death comes. im gonna cry as i die slowly, without being in someone's arms.....without the whispers of prayer and love, of hope to save me. without the love, in my head or on my lips. without the sight of green eyes. im gonna die tonight.
.
im gonna die tonight.
1)not in shape enough
2)my sleep would be horrible, i dont get enough as it is.
3)id be a bitch, and pissy all the time
4)i wouldnt stick with it. when id be sore and tired, i wouldnt stay*
5)i wasnt doing it for me. i was doing it for nana, dad and phil. dad knew it too.
.
i hate myself. and i really want to die. again. idk y. i feel like shit. i feel like cutting myself. not bad enough to do it. but i feel alone and worth shit.
.
pictures tomorrow.
.
still hate myself.
.
ugly, fat, stupid, depressive, obsessive, possesive, angry, mashochistic people whould die......that means me.
.
SHOOT ME ALREADY. FUCK GOD. FUCK HEAVEN AND HELL. I DONT CARE. i dont care anymore. there's no one here. no one secretly risking it all to tear down the walls i put up. someone to whisper in my ear that they love me adn that will make it better. to whisper it to me when im crying. when im bawling and clinging to my bed to make sure that death doesnt yank me from it. sometimes, i wish i could join tyler. and him and i could fly between the clouds and keep an eye over everyone. then again. i feel like my death would be the removal of a burden, rather then end up with people looking to my soul as a guide. do i think that of tyler? i hope not. it seems selfish. either way, im gonna cry myself to sleep tonight. cry and cry, drown my pillow and my bed. wake up with eyeliner marking the trails from earlier before. im gonna cry till there's no more tears. im gonna cry, till death comes. im gonna cry as i die slowly, without being in someone's arms.....without the whispers of prayer and love, of hope to save me. without the love, in my head or on my lips. without the sight of green eyes. im gonna die tonight.
.
im gonna die tonight.
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