Scars
sigh. i want to die again. more now then ever.
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im a royal bitch. ive never gotten that angry in a fight. i usually break down and pretend things. i usually lie and tell them what they want to hear. which means, idk. i eventually broke down last night. i broke down and confessed about how much i hate the way i am and that i would change if i could.....but i cant. ive been trying for three years, the battle isnt still being fought.....it ended a long time ago. im still trying, but it just hurts alot.
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im so sorry.
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will you ever forgive me phil?
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its cold in here. i shouldnt be here. my temp is raising even with the freezing temperature of the school. ITS WINTER. WHY IS THE AC ON? sigh. my stomach hurts and i REALLY dont think ill be able to eat without my food coming back up. my head is burning and it feels like white-hot hammers are pounding on the inside of my head. my eyes are still puffy and red from last night. denys is mad at me for me being stupid. im not even wearing foundation today. just eyeliner and mascara. WTF. if im not wearing makeup....something is wrong. and something IS wrong. i took a turn for the worst last night when i heard that drawer open. i may be hypocritical.....BUT I DONT CARE. i need a shot of vicadin and a day at home. then when i wake up, lots of vivarin. im so sorry.
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thank you mike for being there for me thru this....i know im dumb and stuborn about all this, but you were a great help. you were the only one to make me smile today.
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god this day sucks. i woke up at 6:30!!!!!!!!!!! wtf? dad didnt even call and wake me up. i slept till just after my bus left. grrrrrrrrrrrr. i am soooo angry with myself right now. i need to go to the nurse and have dad take me home. tomorrow, im gonna sleep thru my bus and call dad and say my temp is REALLY high. and stay home. and sleep.
.
im sorry.
.
im a royal bitch. ive never gotten that angry in a fight. i usually break down and pretend things. i usually lie and tell them what they want to hear. which means, idk. i eventually broke down last night. i broke down and confessed about how much i hate the way i am and that i would change if i could.....but i cant. ive been trying for three years, the battle isnt still being fought.....it ended a long time ago. im still trying, but it just hurts alot.
.
im so sorry.
.
will you ever forgive me phil?
.
its cold in here. i shouldnt be here. my temp is raising even with the freezing temperature of the school. ITS WINTER. WHY IS THE AC ON? sigh. my stomach hurts and i REALLY dont think ill be able to eat without my food coming back up. my head is burning and it feels like white-hot hammers are pounding on the inside of my head. my eyes are still puffy and red from last night. denys is mad at me for me being stupid. im not even wearing foundation today. just eyeliner and mascara. WTF. if im not wearing makeup....something is wrong. and something IS wrong. i took a turn for the worst last night when i heard that drawer open. i may be hypocritical.....BUT I DONT CARE. i need a shot of vicadin and a day at home. then when i wake up, lots of vivarin. im so sorry.
.
thank you mike for being there for me thru this....i know im dumb and stuborn about all this, but you were a great help. you were the only one to make me smile today.
.
god this day sucks. i woke up at 6:30!!!!!!!!!!! wtf? dad didnt even call and wake me up. i slept till just after my bus left. grrrrrrrrrrrr. i am soooo angry with myself right now. i need to go to the nurse and have dad take me home. tomorrow, im gonna sleep thru my bus and call dad and say my temp is REALLY high. and stay home. and sleep.
.
im sorry.
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