Phone calls

i hate when parents call other parents. have some mercy will you, woman?!?! this is so fucking outrageous. if only i could keep myself from giving him hickies, if only, then none of this would be happening. NONE I TELL YOU! NONE! i cant bring myself to look up. i cant smile. even if i really find something funny. funny thing is, dalton and i are amazed at my seemingly limitless stupidity. i guess i hate the blood stains and the hiding. but i love the red lines, the scars, the shock. i just keep adding to the lines and the scars. and adding. making his initials thicker and thicker. ill photo them sometime. i made a Phil collage. just before i found out what happened. i hit PRINT just before tim said that phil was fucked. i stopped. omfg was it a fucking blow. this is my last post from home i guess. im never allowd to see phil again. im holding on to the last shred of hope that i possess. i wish i was numb. honestly, im not even focused on making things better. im focused on keeping myself alive. so that i might be able to see phil once more in my life. but, if i died, id see him in heaven right? IM SO LOST. i feel so, idk, somehow i fel used. im losing internet. im losing the phone. shit, if imlucky, ill lose eating privilages. im about ready to go lay in the rain. to fucking kill myself and let the blood run into the water droplets. i want in caps. there. without phil, i can survive in caps. his mom would freak to know she drove me to something that STUPID. after the language fair. ill be in caps. apparently tim has good news: omg omg omg. we can talk every other day. omg. please let dad be leniant or w/e. PLEASE. im shaking. im crying. I LOVE YOU GOD! I LOVE YOU JESUS! i think ive found a reason to believe in god. as long as dad lets me, ill stay out of caps. either way, he can call me in caps right? ill only be in there for a month. omg. i just know he worled his ass off for me. omg. i love you phillip james luebbert. i always will. dont ever fucking question that!