Apologize

i apologize, once again, for being a depressed poophead. i keep saying depressed poophead bcuz callen made me a card that once said that. cute no? well, ashley saw callen at the mall and she hasnt called me back so i guess im not hanging out with her. oh well. i was gonna talk to callen. oh well. and like, aaron came over. we watched tv and went to osco with my dad. it was funny. he's cool. casey brought him over so i got to see casey too. i wanted to see phil but aaron left at like, 6:30 and dinner was ready at 6:45 so there was no way id make it to a seven o clock showing. so yeah, there's so much i wanna tell phil. so much and i cant. he'd feel awkward. and maybe even sad.and that would suck. i mean, everything would die around me if they didnt agree even HALF as much as me, but, if they DID agree, then everything would flourish and become god like again. but, i know they dont. i know that ill never be his everything, like he is to me. there's three mother fucking words that mean my heart and soul and everything dear to me but to speak them would drive me six feet under and kill me. talk about suckadge. i just wish i could be happy more then 2% of the time. why is it that the greatest ppl never love you back? idk. snow patrol has the honour of comforting my tears right now. im crying. very badly. and i feel like dying. i might just take another shower and plug the tub and sleep, then, the water would slowly seep into my lungs and suffocate me. i really fucking hate being love. it hurts so much. well, atleast when you're jealous of their friends, and you know they'll never love you back. im fucking dead.