Dear Tyler
im sorry. i am. you have no idea. i would change it all if i could. id melt the ice, or warn you, or something. i wish you could come back. i love you. i do. so much. i love you with all my heart and you mean so much to me. you're so wonderful and you always made me smile. giving me gum on the bus last year, and making jokes and always saying hi, even if i had a death glare on my face. you made so many people smile. i remember when liz and i put makeup on your face. remember? and all the glitter and lipgloss. lol. and the many times at the gas station? i hope you remember. i know you do. the rap music at my party. my mom. the chores you did just to see me. the times we always talked about stina, we said some mean stuff though. i think it was cuz we both missed her, cuz neither of us had talked to her in a while. you still liked her, and so did i. but we couldnt let each other see it.
so many people have been hurt by your death tyler. so many. i hate how the people who hardly knew you are bawling. ive known you for two years, small compared to people like nicole but still, i loved you. your rides home and out to mcdonalds. people hate that you're gone. there's all these crisis people down here to help us 'cope'. im not over your death yet. i guess it takes 4 months for death to really settle down in people. thats a small time to grieve. i put your picture on my school binder, you know, the one with phil's picture and derek's picture? yeah, that one. front and back. im gonna make a hoodie too. i hope you like it. it's red, like your old one. and baggy, just like yours. i might buy one like yours and wear it. it wont be close tho, cuz it wont smell like you. you always smelled like cigarettes and musk. lol.
my head hurts and so do my eyes. ive been crying for the two days now and stina and i are closer then ever. my head always feels dizzy and i can hardly walk to my classes. i have to exert more energy then i have just to walk to the media center from the art room. my stomach is always hurting. dad doesnt understand the pain this is causing me. i know i have a heart cuz i can feel it breaking. my heart hurts, all the time. no matter what. i have your name in sharpie across my arm. i have your name in my head. i talked to councilor people about you, they dont know you. and my head, is just killing me. my eyes are stained red, and filled with some kind of fucking medicine to make them puffy. they leak. so much. and i miss you. and it hurts so much when i look at your picture, cuz ill never be able to see you again and i cant come to terms with it. its not possible. i keep thinking, deep inside myself, that ill see you again and this is some other tyler tardy, not the guy ive known and love. i honestly, can not rid of the thought that ill see you again. i cant accept this. its UN acceptable. i wont be able to do it. never.
now i know why people dont want me gone. this hurts, more than anything, and soon enough, the fact that you're gone is gonna hit me hard in the chest and ill hit rockbottom. nowhere to go but up. right? the pain someone feels from a los of life is something i would never wish upon those that love me. in yuor death, youve brought stina and i together (which i treasure beyond all measure) and you've given me a better outlook on life. once i cop with your loss, which will never be soon enough and i wish i didnt have to, i will be ok. honestly. i now have a different look at suicide. its wrong and hurtful. i cant believe id ever do something like that to those who love me.
i hope you have computers in heaven, so you can read this. i hope it reaches you. i hope you know im sorry and how much i miss you. i hope you never forget me, bcuz i wont ever, ever, ever forget you. rest in peace sweet angel, ill meet you in heaven. till then, plz watch over me and ill remember you. you were a work of art, carved and created in the likeness of perfection. we'll miss you, especially stina and i. goodbye, ill see you in heaven, sweet angel.
Love
Always
Forever.
Yours
Truly
Brittni L. Boatwright
REST IN PEACE TYLER TARDY.
I WILL REMEMBER YOU.
so many people have been hurt by your death tyler. so many. i hate how the people who hardly knew you are bawling. ive known you for two years, small compared to people like nicole but still, i loved you. your rides home and out to mcdonalds. people hate that you're gone. there's all these crisis people down here to help us 'cope'. im not over your death yet. i guess it takes 4 months for death to really settle down in people. thats a small time to grieve. i put your picture on my school binder, you know, the one with phil's picture and derek's picture? yeah, that one. front and back. im gonna make a hoodie too. i hope you like it. it's red, like your old one. and baggy, just like yours. i might buy one like yours and wear it. it wont be close tho, cuz it wont smell like you. you always smelled like cigarettes and musk. lol.
my head hurts and so do my eyes. ive been crying for the two days now and stina and i are closer then ever. my head always feels dizzy and i can hardly walk to my classes. i have to exert more energy then i have just to walk to the media center from the art room. my stomach is always hurting. dad doesnt understand the pain this is causing me. i know i have a heart cuz i can feel it breaking. my heart hurts, all the time. no matter what. i have your name in sharpie across my arm. i have your name in my head. i talked to councilor people about you, they dont know you. and my head, is just killing me. my eyes are stained red, and filled with some kind of fucking medicine to make them puffy. they leak. so much. and i miss you. and it hurts so much when i look at your picture, cuz ill never be able to see you again and i cant come to terms with it. its not possible. i keep thinking, deep inside myself, that ill see you again and this is some other tyler tardy, not the guy ive known and love. i honestly, can not rid of the thought that ill see you again. i cant accept this. its UN acceptable. i wont be able to do it. never.
now i know why people dont want me gone. this hurts, more than anything, and soon enough, the fact that you're gone is gonna hit me hard in the chest and ill hit rockbottom. nowhere to go but up. right? the pain someone feels from a los of life is something i would never wish upon those that love me. in yuor death, youve brought stina and i together (which i treasure beyond all measure) and you've given me a better outlook on life. once i cop with your loss, which will never be soon enough and i wish i didnt have to, i will be ok. honestly. i now have a different look at suicide. its wrong and hurtful. i cant believe id ever do something like that to those who love me.
i hope you have computers in heaven, so you can read this. i hope it reaches you. i hope you know im sorry and how much i miss you. i hope you never forget me, bcuz i wont ever, ever, ever forget you. rest in peace sweet angel, ill meet you in heaven. till then, plz watch over me and ill remember you. you were a work of art, carved and created in the likeness of perfection. we'll miss you, especially stina and i. goodbye, ill see you in heaven, sweet angel.
Love
Always
Forever.
Yours
Truly
Brittni L. Boatwright
REST IN PEACE TYLER TARDY.
I WILL REMEMBER YOU.
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