YAY RABIES
damn headphone string. blah. YOU'RE THE ONE I WANT! YOU'RE THE ONE I NEED! GIRL WHAT CAN I DO-OO-O! YOU'RE THE ONE I WANT! lol. go brittni go brittni its ur birfday!
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so. i went shopping today from 11 to 4. four new bras, a light pink shawl, breaking benjamin cd, high heeled shoes, a purse, sheets, and ummmm, sunglasses and ummm, thats it. we were lookign at prom dresses but NONE fit. too small or too big. i fucking hate it. the ONE that i liked most showed off my tummy and my butt too much. and it was on sale. biych. twenty bucks. no wait, it was the 'spensive one. i felt so ashamed that i couldnt fit into a single dress. i bet my mom was laughing at me. i cant fit into anything. sigh. life sucks right now. i saw ray richards tho. that lifted my spirits really high. only to have them smashed down again. we got caramel cheesecake tho. that made me happy since the salad sucked. guess what? i now where a size 36D bra. and im still fucking growing. thats fucked. my mom wears 36B. im two sizes bigger. WTF?!?! why? why? why? im bigger than a fat chick. fuck that man. im sick of being so curvy. WHY THE FUCK CANT I BE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING? I DONT EVEN 'OWN' FOUNDATION FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. i could be normal to save the beatles. fuck. fuck. FUCK. im sick of it really. you dont see curvy famous people. or even big hipped famous people. maybe big breasted. i almost got a shirt that said "THEY'RE REAL" and one that said you cant afford me. sigh.
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omg. stina's all 'matt, read callen's blog' well, sorry to be mean, BUT HELLO. THE REASON CALLEN'S TALKIGN SHIT IS BCUZ MATT'S A STUPID JACKASS. lol. im sorry. but, ok, stina and mike and matt need to just back the fuck away from callen and i. stina hates me since matt gave me the time of day, and matt hates me cuz he wants/needs me and im with callen and mike, well, he replaced me for stina which really really hurt so i decided to stop talking to him. i cried for a night over that but he didnt care cuz he was so busy bowing down to stina. so the only friend i have that i spend time with is callen. this school year shall suck nuts. my best friend replaced me. ouch man. ouch. and what the hell is umpa? matt used to fucking say that all the damn time. I FUCKING HATED. dude, learn some lyrics besides sunshine. I UNDERSTAND YOU HAD SOME FUCKING FETISH WITH ME BEING SOME SORT OF FUCKING SUNSHINE BUT WTF. lord help me please. squishie. see thats cute and original. sunshine? idk. freaky. it was ok the first few times but the millionth time he sung that to me i wanted to drive a screw into my brain.
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mom and i talked about callen. she really likes him. she thinks we'll be together for a long time. she thought he had good grades. so i explained what happened with the courts and such. her and i discussed the root of the problem. but i dont think it would work ya know? i mean, what if he turns out to treat him like shit and completely ruins him? sure, its be a good opportunity to show callen how much i love him but id rather make sure he doesnt get hurt. mom went on this rave about how it wasnt my fault that she left. all i heard was different people yelling that it really was my fault. i heard everyone thats ever said it. on repeat. i was bawling. i didnt know what was worse. 1) hearing that its your fault your mom left you and ruined your life to the point of ownign one earring and needing counsiling or 2) callen hurt. i think mom's suggestion of a letter might work....but callen wouldnt be satisfied with 'just a letter' but hed end up getting hurt. i know he would. and i cant stand to think of him hurt. idk. i think it as the problem. i truly do. and i know callen will have to face it soon, but i dread the day mroe than the day i die.
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mom and i are getting along well. very well. and i feel like a daughter. and im behaving extremely well. im proud of myself. last night i had the most fucked up dream. seriously. i turned it into a story tho. so i guess thats cool. but still. black ink, a towel and chocolate. hmmm? odd no?
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heads i win and tails you lose. - nsync. wootamos.
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to squishie ^
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i had chicken for dinner. i will be eating ice cream. i might clean my room. then call callen bcuz i havent heard his voice but i really need to clean my room. mom will throw a fit. like, she'll have two cows. wow. in truth. i feel shitty. i really feel like shit. absolute shit. this sucks. lol. here and now. i love that song. well, the nsync version anyways. its soothing. when i sing it, i relax. lol. together again, here and now. good times man. good times.
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i remember the day i first got to know callen. lol. my cheeks were red the whole time and it took everything i had to keep from pushing him against a wall and kissing him. and i remember our first kiss in bailey's hallway. and painting my shoes blue with a smoke-ball on the fourth. and, when he took me to the movies and dinner. i was so happy!!!! and, the day he asked me out. we werent dating 'YET' lol. it was so sweet. you know when you hold everything inside and as soon as they leave you flail your arms and bounce your legs and scream so high pitched that dogs whine? i did that. i couldnt believe it had happened. i was so excited to be dating this wonderful person. lol. i remember being so very shy about telling callen that i love him. wanna know the best feeling in the world? making callen smile. lol. cliche i know. but it is. i love it when he smiles. and his laughter makes my spine tingle and makes me smile in it's self. lol. well i g2g clean so i can talk to my baby. love..the sexy beast that is me
..::Brittni::..
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