Dearest Chmiel

derek, you're the straightest gay guy i know.

i dont think you're gay,

and deep down, you're not.

i know youve felt for me that same way i do for you

at one point.

i jsut wish youd admit it.

i miss you and love you.

and still hate you for how you treat me.

Sincerely, Brittni

Poop

went to the hospital. it was alot easier then i imagined. ill get a call in a few days with the results. i got a hospital band too!

i cried alot last night. i cant believe i said that.....but there was something motivating that email. i question his security more and more with the coming days.

last night made me cry over him again. and i hate that.

idk what to do anymore.

nick and claire are no longer dating. haha.

Dear Derek Chmiel

i hope what i said hurt.
ONCE AGAIN, you dont fuckign understand that i feel the same way you do, every god damn day and ahve ever since you told me that u were gay. im sick of fucking hoping and dreaming youll give me a chance without havign to be drunk or high. im sick of wishing youd realise that hetero is better then homo. im sick of having this giant crush on you.

AND IM SICK OF YOU BEING OBLIVIOUS TO THE FACT THAT IVE CRIED OVER YOU SO MUCH.

i cant believe you think i shouldnt be back with phil. i know you had a motivation behind this. idk what it was, but that was relaly mean for looking out for me. do you really think you could be a better bf? atleast my bf is staying with his sexual orientation and phils not such a bad bf that im turning lez. i cant believe you think that phil isnt gonna change and that hes lying and all that shit. you know what? i have every right to complain about my bf, and i bet he complains about me too.

derek, ive loved you for so long. you know that. you're my best friend. but what you're saying isnt what best friends say. even claire wasnt this mean about it. why do you think i shouldnt be with him? WHY. if there's something behind this, i ahve to know. bcuz i can only assume. and when i assume about you im ALWAYS WRONG. and it fucking hurts.

i dont know what to think about you anymore.

Homecomings

woooooo!im a busy busy little dancing bee.

northstar: fun as hell. LOTS of grinding. with mon, phil, td, and even lachel. corbin wouldnt dance with me. cory wouldnt dance with monica. but corbin called me like 3 times. td and monica danced alot and i thought mon liked td and td didnt like her adn phil thought the opposite. lol. like 6 other girls had light-up shoes. and my feet hurt after that night.

pius x: so much mroe fun. went to dinner, had mashed potatoes, and phil bought sizzling apple pie! god hes a babe. and then we went to his house. and i, on accident acctually, found his present to me for my bday (banana split lotion) and idk, it was such a sweet night. i love him to deaf. lol. the dance was fun. atleast 8 people acctually came up to me and complimented my shoes. i got my photo taken 11 times. and im ordering atleast 4 photos. which means i need frames. lol. umm, lol. billy attacked me in a giant hug.......twice. and it made me smile real big like. THANKS BILLY. and i freaked when i saw dan mettler. he hung out with us, and so did dylan egger who was HIGH. lmao. hahahahaha. rick and dalton were total BABES. and emily and lauren were prettiful. but i must say, she who beat me in hottness was ANDREA. and her date. owow chicka! i met this tennis player named seth milburn. hes like a skinny garret p. and my shoes, altho popular, were sooo painful. they are NOW swollen all to hell. i think i smell. lol. phil had to carry me to his dad bcuz i couldnt walk. and i couldnt leave my shoes alone and take them off, bcuz ppl liked them i was afraid theyd get taken. lol. but it was fun. i have to write dan m. and yeah. im hoping my new friends get online

i owe phil. plz remind me

i went to corbins house today with monica. and we hung out with him and lamonte and mike shaw. talk about interesting. got my disposable developed. and got some digital prints ordered to be picked up on monday. i take hot photos. someday, someone will ask me WHY IM NOT A MODEL.

i dont think ive ever been happier.

<3

p.s. NORTHSTAR IS 2-2!!! WE WON OUR HOMECOMING GAME!!!!! YES! lol.
metler thinks pius is going to win state. fuck you guys GO MCCOOK! i dont think ppl liked me yelling that at homecoming.

Driving

today was up and down.

claire liked her posters, but amber crossed out mon and my names and wrote hers. :(

i drove josh wilson's car to doozy's with josh's gf nicole. (i ahve nop license, no insurance on the car, adn there was no adult, and he wasnt there......you add up the fines) and i enjoyed it.

bought cigarettes, finally, and enjoyed a nice tingly sensation as i drank my AMP and smoked my kool. yes. but i was late coming back inside from the gas station. lunch detention tomorrow? i hope not.

hung out with monica and got the boutonnieres ordered. bought pop and food and stuff. bought our tattoos for UNL day tomorrow. yes.

in us history, jordan made comments to monica about the swimsuit underneath her shirt *tropical day*and she kinda freaked. and he wore her sunglasses........HAWT. lol. after that class, i let cory borrow my lei headband. he said it made his day.

td's calling tomorrow and im gonna ask him to buy monica a single orange rose *shes NEVER recieved flowers and her fave color is orange* sweet, i know.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ANDREA AND CLAIRE!!!! <3

Spirit

just got back from monicas!

we went to walmart, the party store, mcdonalds, and her house. we danced, made shirts, made up our outfits and everything else. it was good times.

im having alot of emotional problems lately. my stomach is constantly upset in random ways (g.i., cramps, hunger, etc), my dad refuses to allow me to tan bcuz its unhealthy but my mom got him to say i could if i didnt ask him for the money, claire is a whenever amber stotal bitch i around and it REALLY ticks me off, (i think claire knows it, but if she knows, why does she do it) im still fuming when it comes to phil, im confused about alot of stuff, my ovaries could be misbehaving, my french class really makes me depressed, ive almost stopped eating completely, i need a job and my poor dad has shit going all wrong for him and it makes me cry. tonight, in bed, will suck!

yay for spirit week. hawaiian day tomorrow, then husker, then school spirit.

YAY! then homecoming. and phil and td.

pictures to come on sunday. from wednesday - friday with spirit and friday-sat of dances!

YAY!

<3

P.S.

i cant believe this is happening. why? was i really that shitty of a gf? he always said hed never break up with me. and we always made planned for the future! he always said hed ask for me back.

i wonder who the lucky girl is.

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

fuck

This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks






i cant even bring myself to talk to him.
the world has officially ended.

Oh Man

oh man

this is the first mall trip in 11 months that ill take without phil joining me.

i bet he doesnt care.

but i do.

i cried last night. alot. and listened to Basement Ghost Singing on repeat. like i said i would. i refuse to eat. i refuse to smile. i refuse to put my chin up. derek and claire think i need to stay single. derek thinks he wont change.

i thought i knew who i was gonna spend the rest of my life with

::i havent felt more shitty since tyler died. i dont like this::

i sang a song to you thru the floor, to reach you upstairs, i thought i heard you call out for more, i know thats crazy

Three Days Grace

phil and i arent talking

im completely ok with that.

i hope he knows i dont need him

like he needs me.

hes probably crying.

North Star

i <3 my fucking school.
these past few days have acctually been pretty good.
and even tho there's no music
riding in jeremy rejda's car is pretty damn awesome.

PICTURE POST!!!
ME:












MY FRIENDS:













FOOTBALL:

Bestest Song Ever

Honey, whaddya do for money?
Honey, whaddya do for money?
Yeah, whaddya do for money honey,
how you get your kicks?
Whaddya do for money honey,
how you get your licks?

Sicky

im sick. cold? strep? tonselitis....again? idk
but my throat is el-swollen-o
and my head is stuffy to the point where i cant walk right.
it sucks.
i dont wanna be sick tomorrow......i wanna wear my gator shirt. maybe ill go tomorrow and then come home adn be sick. sound good?
i did nothing today since i am sick.
i almost went to phils game.....even tho i feel like im dying.....but he calls and, like the shithead he is, says DONT COME! HANNAH AND CARI ARE HERE. wtf? omg, does he think im that much of a pussy that i cant even go and watch his game like i used to always do jsut bcuz some stuck-up ugly bitches are there? thanks oh-loving-boyfriend of mine. i hope they're there next time. i really do. bcuz......nevermind. they'll probably leaving comments on the xanga complaining bcuz i have an opinion. hahahahaa. dumb bitches.

anyways. im gonna go shower since i feel like shit!

bye guys

-Brittni

pictures

PICTURES!!!!!



























i forgot to tell you: i destroyed my throat last night at the game. hahahaha!

Gators

WEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOO! im happy.

el friday-o:

friday was soooo splendid. get to school. i wore my heels. and curled my hair. i was uber beautiful. day was awesome. ok, so julia anthony shoved me as if she had no room ya know? like w/ her shoulder *there was plenty of room* and so i pushed back bcuz i almost fell bcuz of my heels. and i walked to my locker and she shoved me against monica, so monica got all pissed and julia hit me and goes DONT PUSH ME hahahahaha so i laughed and i go THEN GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU FAT BITCH........I KNOW ITS HARD, BUT DO IT. so she walked away. and i had jsut drank an amp so im all shaky and my adrenaline is going and bob *campus admin* came over and asked if i was ok and said i wasnt in trouble and if she does anything to me hed be glad to take action against it. it rocked.

went home and re-curled my hair and met up with phil at the game. we ended up in front row eventually for the LNS vs LHS game. and derek got amd once cuz i didnt cheer, so the next time i cheered uber loud and he was all pointing at me and stuff. it was funny. and shaun told the team to punch them in the kidneys. dr becker got mad bcuz the players asked us to chant PASS THE BALL. ryan pluts' gf and i were talkign and the whole game almost, claire was off with jeremy rejda GROSS. im glad monica was cheering with me. and i learned a cheer! ummm......yeah. i made it on tv tho. and i missed the hotel party.....oh well. best thing? WE WON 27-6!!!!! HAHAHAHA!

today:

woke up and got ready. could NOT find mrs hollcrofts house so gave up. came home. called claire and said 'get up adn get ready. we're leaving my house at two and i HAVE to leave the mall by 430' and she decides shes gonna meet me there. so i ask mon to go and get there. while looking for a dress, phil finally pops up. then billy and his trail of girls. well, billy asks phil to join him at spencers. when I invited phil to HELP me find a dress. and phil was begging to go. w/e. so finally i said bye......and was really pissed while i was trying on my dress and i hoped i bought it before he came back so i couldnt see it bcuz he really pissed me off. but i ended up getting dad to buy light up heeled shoes for the dance. we left and dad stopped at homers to buy emphatic but we looked at acdc cds too and the one i want is fucking 18 bucks. and i got depressed cuz that means no second piercings in my ears. so we left. got pop at kabredlos. looked at cars. went home. went to walmart and bought navy shirts and ended up at monica's house and made gator shirts. shes so cool. and isnt a bitch at random times like laundry girl. and jsut hung out. made sundays. and....watched lion king. now im home and about to take pics of dress and shoes. picture post uber soon!

<3

Brittni

woot

today? lots of crappy french homework.lunch was fun

NEW BAJA STARBURST PWN UR FACE.

ummm, hung out with claire, monica and amber.......fun? yes, i guess

dad bought more food YAY and i get money for le iTunes

slammed my finger in the door. owie,

showed j-money who he was about to get with. LMAO he about shit himself.

im dressing up tomorrow, for school, and changing shoes for the football game.

G O G A T O R S !

-Brittni

p.s.:

F OXTROT

U NIFORM

C HARLIE

K ILO!

31

thirty one days.
yay.
.
my alarm clock was going off for 15 mins until i woke up. oops. i was hearing the BEEPBEEPBEEP i my dream too.
.
oh shit. lol.
.
im trying to collect those xbox 360 caps for derek and all i get are buy one get one free caps. lmao. wtf?
.
biology lab today :( poor rolypolys.
.
im gonna download ten songs k? k.
.
FOXTROT
UNIFORM
CHARLIE
KILO.hahahahahaha
yay.
.
claire and i are friends
but idk if im really gonna go to Le Cocktail Party.
bcuz im going dress shopping on saturday.
.
well, im extremely tired and i need to wash my face/do my hair/makeup/shoes and eat in less then an hour. OH SNAPS
.
Loves
Brittni

Am I Sick?

overall, its a depressing day.

claire's mad at me
monica and her are both ignoring me and i know its claire's work. besides, when i found them at lunch and sat by them, they all stopped talking and giggled. HMM? so i spent the day praying i dont go to pius's homecoming. or that i moved along with mike to my moms. the cigarettes are still getting to my head when i smoke them. why? idk.
i need to clean my room. and just get rid of everything or atleast put it in boxes and in the garage. you know? and then im gonna make wall space and put some paintings up. The Last Supper. Slaughter of the Saxons. maybe a portrait of a king/queen or two. thatd be nice wouldnt it? but i dont wanna clean my room. atleast there's only two more days of school before the weekend.

but two GUYS *yes guys, surprisingly guys can do this* but two guys made my day bearable. andy darnell took me home and we were talking about shaved "bushes" lmao and kim nguyen being a slut and giving me, mon and j-money an up-skirt view in US History. and then i get home and PHIL SENT ME A LETTER. i knew it was coming, but i didnt think itd be that long. i liked it. it rambled, but i loved it.

i guess another guy made my day too. Mr Brestel. he was pimping this DC Trip for social studies and shit and was like asking every person if they were gonna go. and if not, why not. everybody else said bcuz of money. he gets to me and i say No. he goes Why. and i said Bcuz im going to london. he says Why would you wanna go there? and i said well, its not bcuz i have family there or bcuz its a little bit more famous but BCUZ ITS BETTER. he was red in the face. you know he was trying not to start an argument. HAHAHAHA.

man, i feel like shit. but there's no homework.....so, im gonna have a tomato and maybe call those ppl about the pontiac

cool?

-Brittni

Ciggey

i jsut had a cigarette......and i think they were laced. or im dumb. idk. but my head is swimming and i cant walk straight and dads home. UH OH SGABETTI-OHS.

.

ben, jordan, trevor, amber and umm, idk but those people are starting to piss me off. grrrrr and a half. fuuuccckkk. you.

pius yearbook: justin otoski :HUGE-O eyebrows.
dylan w and kenton w: the carrot and the creep
annie e: MONSTEROUS NOSE hahaha
billy : goblin......lmao.....
a majority of the girls look so ugly but im not naming names. lmao
erin c: looks like shes fucking twelve. HAHA

varsity football friday. WOOT. we're gonna smash lincoln high!!!

sat? omaha for a homecoming dress

for now? a shower, pumpkin pie, then........bed? bcuz i feel like crap and im gonna get kyle to get me a coffee slushie in the AM.

bye fuckers.

Tonight

i think too much, it makes me sad.
.
went to phils today
hung out
beat him up
ate macdOs
saw the cave
talked to an OLD friend paul
and got some sweet hookups! HAHAHA
walked home
had sex at the elem school again
got to hpil
took some stuff of his
and came home
YAY!
justin otoski looks RETARDED! WHY THE FUCK DID I DATE HIM? UGH

lmao
THE CARROT AND THE CREEP

reading pplz xangas makes me feel so unpopular, bcuz im not close into one clique, just a drifter with two best friends. but that makes me happy. but im sad bcuz idk. but, im glad i dont go to like, preppy little parties and be close friends with millions of guys. and suprisingly, im friends with hardly any guys this year. its crazy. but, idk. i have such a problem with this and i shouldnt. grrrrr. lol. stupid preppy girls and their stupid obssesion with my bf. grrrrr.

matt k and i will join the air force togehter. hes gonna fly a chunky copter that looks like a chode with growths and deformations and im gonna fly a B-2 Stealth Bomber!!!! FUCK YEAH.

cant wait for homecoming

or tango

or derek!

YAY FOR FOOTBALL! lol
-Brittni

Fuck

i miss tyler like mad

Claire

last night claire and i hung out
matt schock picked us up
and we drove around and saw __________ drinking and driving
he asked to see my tits
i said no
we joked around and followed them to runza
and went to someone's house and had some UV and some beer
and on our way to walmart
__________ came with
and on the way there he kept kissing me
on my shoulder, neck and back
and matt had to threaten him
and he still wouldnt stop
while we were in walmart his dad called
and he had to go home
so he didnt touch me
but my boobs were the stars of the night
and it really pissed me off
and __________ tried to kiss me and i kept saying no
and he was like PLEASE JUST ONE PLEASE

OMFG I SAID NO!

grrr......so matt dropped him off by his car
and __________ drove home
and matt took us to my place b4 claires parents came

claire came over today and we watched some girl orgasm over a flower
went to amigos
and called J-Money. hahahaha
he hasnt called back, its been almost 2 hrs. lmao.
atleast i dont think he COULD LOVE ME.

LMAO............that girl is fucking retarded. hahaha

anyways. now im stuck here alone, with an AMP and a headache.

YAY! hahahaha.

man, life is good. even tho michelle's a dumb bitch, trevor's a pussy-whipped dumbass and im always feeling like im gonna pass out.

damn im tired

i gotta pee
i've got french to study and
british history to review
gotta wash the dog
and brush out her matts in her fur.
going to the fair around 5, or 6.
with who? idk, monica was iffy and claire's mom is evil.
jordan and i talked today
and i made fun of his J-Money name tag.
hes a cutie, too bas he fucked sabrina.
gross!
x10.
fair.
woot.

OXYGEN BAR.......HERE I COME! lol. YAY MOTHERFUCKERS!

before i go pee and wash le chien, im gonna tell you about the ONLY BAD PART of my day. i walk into geometry. sit down next to ashley h. and the seat next to me is open waiting for trevor. trevor and michelle walk in and he sits in front of me with her! WTF. ok, two days ago he promised to sit by me. and yesterday, as kyle was taking claire and i to my house and trevor to get his jersey, trevor said if i didnt sit in back and not front, he wouldnt sit by me. so i sit in back. well, he said michelle made him PROMISE. what a load of bullshit. we all know michelle's such an easy, loose bitch and that shes not happy unless some guy is giving her attention....but she cant MAKE him do anything. the only person who has him pussywhipped is meghan duryea. shit, she cheated on him and he drank washing fluid and he still takes her back....shithead. but anyways. well, i KNOW trevor had to get his jersey last night, and talking to a c.c. runner, he missed the bus and his mom had to take him to seward, which means there's no way him adn michelle could have talked last night bcuz he had a meet. so the fucker lied to me and knew he wasnt gonna sit by me anyways when he made me sit in the back seat! man, i thought michelle was a dumb bitch, but trevor's giving her a run for her money. you know, i was starting to trust him again! i was becoming friends with him and beign nice and all that jazz. i trusted him, someone who used to try and make me cry everyday, and look what happens. fuck trusting ppl.

my french team is winning. side 1 has like 300 pts and we have 2100. yayayay!!!

im so glad im getting along with so many ppl lately, even ppl i dont like, like danny poethig. yay for me. and jordan? HAHAHAHA thats a touchy subject cuz some ppl think weird things like him liking me like monica does. shes serious, it makes me laugh tho bcuz he could never even be friends with someone like me!!!! so, yeah. altho....nvmd. lol. certain ppl read this that cant know about stuff. whcih is why i may make a new blog. and ONLY derek will have it. so yeah. but....im hanging out with some ppl tonight and/or tomorrow ngiht. depends. im happy tho.

god, i love my school and my locker! HAHAHA right monica?

-Brittni

LNS Gators

went to LNS vs millard south. we lost by 15 points. but it was fun cheering on my team and such. im glad phil came i guess. while phil and i were eating cotton candy, claire tried to show a picture of me in 5th grade to phil.

i was so pissed.

afterwards we went to mcdonalds and while waiting for food these guys were watching us. we walk out and another car of guys goes 'hey ladies' and we honked n waved as we left. then, the guys from the pick up window who were watching us, appeared next to us almost the whole way down 48th st. lol.

today was good. i even did all my homework.

franz concert? yes? no?

-brittni