Matt pt2

dear Matthew Charles Schock:
Loose lips sunk ships
I'm getting to grips with what you said
No it's not in my head
I can't awaken the dead
Day after day
Why don't we talk about it
Why do you always doubt that there can be a better way
It doesn't make me wanna stay
Why don't we break up
There's nothing left to say
I got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
Oh we're not sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away
You say we're fatally flawed
When I'm easily bored
Is that OK?
Write me off your list
Make this the last kiss
I walk away
Why don't we talk about it?
I'm only here don't shout it
Give 'em time, you'll forget
Let's pretend we never met
Why don't we break up?
There's nothing left to sayI got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
Oh we're not sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away
Screw youI didn't like your taste anyway
I chose you
That's all go to waste it
It's Saturday
I'll go out and find another you
Why don't we?
Why don't we break up?
There's nothing left to say
I got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
Oh we're not sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away
I hope you blow away
I hope you blow away

Matt

this is to matt : http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kylieminogue/obsession.html

this is to callen : http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kylieminogue/lovingdays.html

but anyways people. i apologize for not blogging much. and i owe martin a picture if i have new ones. :( callen and i need to start taking photos.

i feel bad. i brough callen to southpointe with me and my family being there ruined it. i kept asking for things. i feel selfish. and i hardly talked to him till we got home. and then matt made callen feel bad. and i ended up cutting off communication with matt bcuz he's making me really sad. so yeah. sometime, i wont be selfish. itd be easier if callen voiced what he wants and or needs. but hey, atleast he shares how he feels....unlike matt. who was too afraid and un-trusting to tell me whats going on in his head.

i talked to donnie today and saw jord. ive had a good day. really. an england shirt, dad almost bought me a man-u jersey tho. :( but hey, i got an england world cup shirt, two ducky sockies, and the wedding (which is the sequel to The Notebook, the best book ever) and i got his mom a book (the exact book i was looking for) and two things of lotion. yippee. and dinner. and a movie (i wanted down with love, but i figured id watch what callen wanted, since he looked so sad and left out) and i guess thats what bothered me, was how he looked like a third wheel. i tried to include him, but, he's more of a two people person, not a family person. i hope im not too shy on sunday. :(

i have poor back posture. and my back hurts. i think i stretched the muscle too much. but, it felt good then. maybe itll help. mmmmph. well. im gonna go. i PROMISE to write mroe after i drive tomorrow. i love you guys. thanks for listening
..::Brittni::..

i have a few more songs to callen.
'these are for you sweety! i love you, more than youll ever know'
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kylieminogue/ifeelforyou.html
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kylieminogue/cruisecontrol.html
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kylieminogue/fragile.html
'those are for you sweety. i hope you like em, even tho kylie isnt exactly ur type. lol. but still, the lyrics can show yuo how i feel. even if im still moving on to better things. i love you baby'

Shower

Im suposed to be showering. oops. sorry callen. im about to call you. i cant come over till later. dad's an ass. you understand. he might not let me go at all since im seeing you on sunday. im going shopping with my dad tomorrow. saturday, my dad pretty much agreed to letting me see you that day tho.

have you noticed....there are no emo-femme bands. not a single emo band is female. wtf?!?! well, i ahve to admit, guys dont break my heart. well, they DID. but still. wtf is up with that? i think females should do more emo. cuz, men shouldnt do emo. only some men. hardly any really care about women. and those that do are emo. there are very few decent emo bands out there. pushovers

well, i need a shower. for more than one reason. so umm, im gonna go. and ummm, wash myself. even though im very tired and hungry. i love you guys. talk to you later

Until Next Time
Thanks for listening
Brittni

Letterkills

Im listening to the new song by Letter Kills. Dont believe. it's good. really good. I like it. then again, i also listen to Venus Hum. lol. scary wittle brittni. YAY. im in a good mood. even tho i was yelling at squishie.

i got my hemp lotion back. and it smells sooooo good. mmmmm. lol. i got my guitar tab white pages back. im trying to decide if i want to try a song right now or wait for a little while. maybe teenage wasteland. idk. something tho. im bored. i need to call callen before he freaks out. i had to help dad and then i left to emily's house. and plus, i cant type right right now so im gonna go.

till next time
Im Brittni
and thanks for reading my blog

Solitare

Solitare is really getting on my fucking nerves right now. I cant get a decent hand for shit. FUCK!

I dont see how Callen can sleep so much. i have to FORCE myself to sleep till nine. i mean......well.....idk what i mean. fuck this. seriously. no one blogs besides derek. and i have to FORCE callen to. martin only does so ill send him pics, which im running out of. fluck. teehee.

THILLY MOOTH

for the past few days. maybe up to two weeks....ive been having trouble keeping my eyes dry. its something i try to keep hidden but i told one person so i might as well tell the world that DOESNT read this. i cant stop crying. and ill cry for no fucking reason. like, when im watching finding nemo or when i look at all my pictures from the past or during a sunrise/sunset. anything like that. random events. but, im literally, always crying. my cuts are scars now. but hey, IM ALIVE RIGHT?!?! well, atleast, thats what some people say.

ryan told me about this band Kutless. ive only heard one song but it's really good. it's like muddle of pudd (dont ask), and hoobastank, and, staind. put together. but happy. idk. well, i like em.

dad gave me a five yesterday. so i could get ice cream. and forgot about it. then he took me to get a movie. he BOUGHT me Big Fish. OWOW! i wanted Down With Love tho. oh well. ill make mommy buy it. along with a FOAMY SHIRT! YES YES YES! HOT TOPIC HAS FOAMY SHIRTS. then she'll buy me skatecomp shirts. and jeans at department stores (so i can have more angels and glos) and my volatiles. im getting new volatile's bitch! they're white. with cotton candy colored sides.

friday, im going to southpointe to go shopping. i want to hang with bailey before i leave and then mom comes (fuck!) but hey, its all good. i get to see tony, nana, ryan, jessica, julie and mom in the same four days. so i have to go shop for callen's mom's gift on friday. bailey and i are going to sonic on 48th. hopefully brian will be working. i havent seen him in forever. and i have to buy a book for his mom. hopefully i find one she doesnt have. i prolly wont get the british cookbook since callen's already asked about it and told his mom i was getting her something. maybe ill get lotions or something. bath and body works. OH YEAH. i might even get that little MAN U football for my room. the 'book i want it 30 bucks daddy' lol. he'll give me thirty too.

well. ive got four bucks. and im in my pjs. and im hungry. so, im gonna go and eat. ttyl. love you guys.

..::Brittni::..

Jog

This day is a great day. I slept till 10:30. Woke up to find out I was drooling, which i find very very amusing. lol. Is that weird? yes. So, waking up well is the greatest way to start a day. I got up, put on my robe and proceded to find the dog and went outside. I foudn myself sleeping on the new patio swing we bought yesterday at wal-mart (along with my Mini-Kitty named Ewan 'Obi-Wan' McGregor cuz he's a scottish fold). it was like 60 bucks. it's made for two people with a cooler holder or a boxy holder thing in the middle with two cup holders also. it reclines. but anyways, i woke up on it and decided to make eggs, oast and some tea. whilst my eggs were cooking i made sun-tea which is still brewing. soon after i ate and watched mike and little mike shoot the air-rifle, dad left. so i did the dishes. then, i put on shorts and jared's shirt (which smells like callen, i found out soon after running and started crying) but, i rubbed some oil on my legs and put on my still-blue-from-smoke-balls tennis shoes (DCs...ow ow!) and put the leash on the puppy. we ran. i went down 10th, straight along the street down there (i forget the name) al the way till it met godfrey, turned there, went up to 9th, down 9th, past 10th and up 11th around to the house. i loved it. sure, i had to walk about 1/4 of the time. but i feel good. i feel really good. and i came home to put the vaccuum in the pool and soon as i was changing, callen called. he's prolly trying to call right now (im sorry callen) but im into my blog-mood. lol. once dad gets home, im swimming and then im showering. im gonna try to make the late showing of school house rock live tonight. i think patrea did that, i think thats the only person. oh well. maybe ill see SOMEONE i know. im glad i didnt do one this summer, cuz they're all musicals and i cant sing to save the beatles. even tho i am now *blush* im dancing too. lol. sadly, ill admit to it, i would LOVE to do down with love as a musical. FRED! MUST SPEAK WITH FRED! oooh yeah! i wanna play barbra (renee's character). mike would do well as catcher block. everyone who reads this doesnt even know about downw ith love so it doesnt matter explaining it. anyways. i feel great. and im waiting for dad to come home. i should prolly go answer the phone now. love you guys.

.::Brittni::..

Rant

CAUTION: THIS POST IS A RANT AND IS UNSAFE TO HUMAN EARS OF ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT ME! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
----------------------------------------------------

I really fucking hate this. nothing feels right. i cant do anything right for anyone. i cant even show callen that i appreciate him. and its resulted in a shit load more of new cuts. and, sadly, im not sure if i feel guilty about them. thats bad. today, i started crying about jared. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? i love callen and appreciate everything he's done for me. and i dont think i could ever find a more wonderful human being. why am i crying about jared? wanna know why? bcuz i am really fucked up. i hate it. i dont really miss jared, i just miss...idk....i dont miss anything about him. i dont know why i said that, but, it sounded right. but it isnt. im sorry. BUT FUCK. my arm will be all cuts by the end of the weekend. let alone summer. im FUCKING SICK OF MY FUCKED UP HEAD. I FUCKING HATE IT! i want back in the hospital. im starting to believe ill do anything to get in there. but id miss callen. sigh. dear matt: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. ive been longing to say that for so long. im not good enough for callen. i just realised that. i feel so down and put out right now. and dad ordered davinci's. so im gonna eat, watch a sad movie and cry myself to sleep cuz i truly feel like shit. i need a hug.

Angel

I used to hate to be here.
And I enjoyed it when I saw red.
But now, I thank God
for making me who I am.
Excuse me, I dont mean to stare.
But when an Angel holds you,
and treasures you so,
I cant believe its real.
I cant compare you to the sweetest taste
or the kindest thought,
or even the brightest star in the sky.
I used to want the pain.
But when you blow it all away,
my euphoria seems greater.
If its alright, with you
I mean
Can I love you forever
and treat you like
the Angel
you are?
You're my heaven that I
didnt know existed.
Roses and candles and picnics cant
be as romantic as lying next to you
hearing you whisper soft
words of love
into my ear. It sends me higher.
Baby, Im yours. Give me a chance
Ill show you how great I can be to you.
Someday we'll be together forever, for every minute
Im yours.

C /-\ L L 3 |\|

lol. my title of this post is soooo friggin spiffy.

ok. im really forcing myself to be happy today. and im forcing myself to post. dad and i fought a shit load last night and im still not over it. this time was worse. i hit back. bad mistake. im not suposed to leave the house for a few days. he already yelled at me for it today when i was walking the dog. from what he says, each day, i should have thigns to be proud of and things that make me a better person. sigh. i have nothing to be proud of, i never have. i mean, my dad's an alcoholic. that fact makes me cry alone. i mean, everyone drinks alcohol but i didnt think he drank so much. i didnt think he would be an alcoholic. I WANT HIM IN REHAB. haha. lol. not bcuz i want to help him either. im thinking about calling my old probation officer and asking her what i can do to talk to the court to get a court order for my dad to take classes on anger management and something for alcoholism. oooh. he'd be pissed, but it'd ;

1. Make me a better person
2. Help him
3. Make me feel proud of myself
4. Be smart
5. Look good, saying that I took action for my father, on a resume or application. AND
6. piss him off

but anyways. i think ill email her today. maybe she can help. but that means ill have to go to court and such and sit there and be a burden. sigh. i mean, he wont listen to his mother about A.M. classes or keeping his temper. everything else, he's obedient. sigh. fuck this. ive got thin little slices covering  an inch and a half by inch area on my arm and im lucky if there wont be anymore. and i get yelled at for havign them. hickies are funny now. im gonna make a think to give me them everywhere. HAHAHAHA. stupid fuck.

you know, yesterday was suposed to be a good day. it was, in a way, i mean, i had fun. but still, i shouldnt have cried the once. and my dad ruined everything. i mean.....18, new things and bdsm -b and m. lol. it was great tho. damn period. i hate it. im in pain like you dont know. and i start takings meds once again this sunday. which means i bleed for two months straight. fuck. ill be in bed every minute of the day during that time. who knows about adventureland. well, i have to go order a cookbook for callen's mom. but before i go: new soundtrack. bye guys.

1. Here's To Love - Ewan Mcgregor & Renee Zellweger(sp?)
2. Sexed Up - Robbie Williams
3. Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional  
4. So Cold - Breaking Benjamin
5. Strawberry gashes - Jack Off Jill
6. Cherry Pie - Warrant
7. Back To One - Brian McKnight
8. Only One - Yellowcard
9. Sympathetic - Seether
10. Cute Without The E - Taking Back Sunday
11. Just Like You - Three Days Grace
12. I Hate Everything - Three Days Grace
13. Love Song - 311
14. Light My Fire - The Doors
15. Calling You - Blue October
16. Amazing - Blue October
17. Your Song - Ewan McGregor
18. Tango de Roxanne - Ewan McGregor
19. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
20. Drive Myself Crazy - Nsync
21. You're a Mean One Mr Grinch - How The Grinch Stole Xmas
22. Down With Love - Michael Buble
23. Killing Me Softly - Lauren Hill

i wanna watch down with love, and starsky and hutch and...umm.... VELVET GOLDMINE. my god i wanna see that. ewan mcgregor, leather pants, no shirt and makeup. lol. he goes all gay and stuff. its suposed to be good, trippy, but good. its something id watch with bailey. no one else. but, i wanna hang with callen this weekend and watch starsky and hutch. oh, and down with love. he probably wont watch that (even tho its fucking hilarious) but still. ok g2g now. love ya

.::Brittni::..

Vindicated

Vindicated - to clear of suspision, blame, or any other item of the such, without variable and/or real, supporting proof.

Nice word. lol. Then again, when you listen to Snow Patrol, Michael Buble, Dashboard Confessional, The Darkness, and The Killers all in the same playlist, you're bound to find some wicked lines. lol.

You know, it's hard to find a guy who can write poems, it's even harder to find a guy who writes GOOD poems.......it's a rare extremity to find a guy who can write poems worth reading. lol. *wow, im a kiss ass* it's true tho. I mean, I usually write sad, depressing, bipolar poems. Ive only ever, about 5 times, written a love poem, and in no way could it compare to the one Callen wrote. there's also the fact that it was the first poem ever to have been written about em that isnt telling me how sad someone is bcuz they cant have me *ehm mike harring ehm* so, yes, i ended up leaking once again this morning.

last night, i went to bed at 9 something, then mike said dad was swimming, so i was like 'yay, i can swim with dad without havign to worry about mike! yay' but then dad yelled at mike till 10:40 and then dad AND MIKE got in. once mike demanded the goggles back, i was bored. outside my mind. it sucked balls. so i got out, dried off, came downstairs, listened to 'down with love' and then finished my jedi apprentice book in my bed. i was asleep by eleven something i think.

callen's at school till ten this morning. which means alone time till then. which ive been needing lately. i am almost finished with my room. once i eat MON breakfast. lol.... ill make my bed and do some laundry. then ill probably be done with cleaning, now i just need to put up the mirrors, doors, paintings and such. that and put together my guitar binder incase i see callen today, which means i have to find conditioner and shave gel, which i dont have. fuck. i hate my dad.

i really wanna see The Village, and The Terminal. lol. i might be going in to see my nana either this weekend or next weekend. my dad wanted  cookbook from my nana, and she said she was gonna make everyone one, so, what i might do, is, on the way into glenwood, ill stop at the UNCLE'S houses and collect their recipes, type them up on my nana's computer and then print them into books. i might give one to callen's mom. but she prolly has every single recipe. ill just end up getting her a british cookbook, order it over the internet, and put it together with, idk, a candle, an apple candle. maybe ill make one. but i have to order the book SOON. well, g2g, callen's home. love you

..::Brittni::..

Kazaa

daddy made me an admin on my comp so IM PIRATING MUSIC! THATS RIGHT! IM A PIRATE. it wont last long. i jsut want these few songs. but they're slow on the download scale. oh well. im glad to have them. they're wicked. now i dont have to listen to coheed and cambria on repeat. or Sweet Cherry Pie on repeat. lol.

derek's password got stolen, therfore, i have come to the highly scientific conclusion that the loser who stole his password was the one being a jackass.

im done with novanet. i completely guessed on half of my crt but i dont care. im out of there for good. even though tomorrow is the last day. teehee. go me! im still very depressed that my dad has the balls to call me stupid and dumb cuz i had trouble completing civics. stupid fuck.

so, we ARE going to adventureland. or 'advenshurland' as tony calls it. lol. and dad refuses to buy two rooms. nana INSISTED that us girls have our own rooms cuz. i guess she thinks i have a problem with staying in the same room as a male human, which i sometimes do.....but not if callen's gonna be forced to share a room alone with my dad. dad even said he doesnt care if callen and i share a room if he's in there. idk if ill swim or not. im not too keen on public pools.  i probably will late at night alone so i can relax after wasting away riding rides and screaming myself hoarse.  which sounds pretty nice. i love hotel pools. ill just relax and float along while mike and the kids are out for dinner or something. ill prolly sneak outta the room late. not too late of course. im 15 so im allowd to be in there alone. oooh it sounds so nice.

mike and his friend little mike got in a fight. lol. bcuz my stupid fuck of a brother insists this little kid pay him money. so now they're not friends. tisk tisk. so lil mike came over and showed me where my bro keeps his pipe. and shit. lol. my bro cant open his drawer thing cuz i stole the key. its funny as fuck. HARDY HAR HAR! lol.

shall i swim today? i dont know. i worked hard on my room. i only have one spot to do. YAY FOR ME. that and get some nails for my monet painting, frames and nails for MY paintings, paint my dresser, get my closset doors changed to mirrored doors, nail up my tall mirror, buy an oval mirror, buy new stuff for my room and such. g2g dad's home and chicken's done. loves to you all!

..::Brittni::..

Moulin Rouge!

I have an urge to watch Moulin Rouge! for some reason. I was listening to it earlier and suh but idk.  My html for the links part of the blog is fucked so i have to re-do it. and I found someone to help with one such blog as ive wanted made but now i cant figure out what theme i want it based upon.
 
last night dad yelled at me again. it was worse tho. it never really sunk into my head like he wants it too. when he yells like that, i re-pell everything. i block it. cuz i dont wanna hear it. and either would you. you should see his face. all red and puffy and loud. i called callen afterwards. dad knew i was on the phone after a while and told me to get off at like 11. he knew i needed someone to talk to. when he yells at us during an earlier time period, he'll usually be sweet and let us do shit and buy us crap cuz he feels bad. but then again, when the only outlet i HAD was slicing my skin, he'd yell and id do it more and hed yell more and id do it more. a fucking cycle that my poor infantile unstable mind couldnt burden. stupid fucker. 'YEAH LETS YELL AT MY DAUGHTER AND MAKE HER CRY AND HURT HER FEELINGS BCUZ MY WIFE LEFT ME AND IM ANGRY AT THE WORLD FOR IT! IM SURE SHE WONT CARE. AND IF SHE CUTS HERSELF FOR IT, ILL YELL AT HER MORE. IM SURE ITLL MAKE HER STOP' ok enough whining. im being selfish.
 
derek yelled at me yesterday. idk why. we were talking and i wanted him to tell me why he asked me a question. he just...snapped. like. I SAID DONT ASK. or something. it unnerved me. alot. then he signed off. he wont email back or....or.....get online. derek, if you're reading this, im sorry if i said something wrong. i didnt mean to. :(
 
callen wrote in his blog. i have a strong feeling he didnt originally write what he did. or atleast not the story line. but, im liking to pretend he did. it was soooo sweet. the only time ive ever heard someone say those thigns to me is when jared played that one seether song on his guitar and sang to me. but. thats another story. but still......OMG! lol. i sound like a preppy. teehee. he was soooooo sweet. fine, callen, for this once, you can feel sorry for me although it makes me feel bad. lol.
 
matt hasnt found my mushroom that lauren gave to me the valentine's day before i met jared. i loved that shroom. and i wore it everyday. im might have to go to that druggie store Exotica or whatever and buy a new one. maybe a pink one or something. even tho that one is cooler than anything else. i sure as hell aint buying one like ryan pluta's. gay ass glass one. maybe ill have tori's bf make me a glass heart or shroom and ill pu something in it like 68, or CM or BB or something. maybe a rose in a shroom. since he made one for jordyn. ill ahve jordyn ask him. oh well. im going to go tan and burn my skin some more. talk to you ppl later. loves
 
-Brittni

Omaha

I love omaha.  Honest! So i went to my uncle's yesterday. we hung out there for a while. talked aobut mike, kids, beer, shows, family guy, monty python, callen, jared, sky diving and a whole shit load of other useless crap. julie was talking aobut GIVING me the geo if i promise to atleast pay them for it once i get a job. problem is, i cant drive a stick shift. :( oh well. free car! WOOT!
 
 i was showing nana my Original London Tour map i recieved in the post. her and i were tlakign aobut where we DID go and where we DIDNT. which made me sad. i never saw notting hill or kensington palace or Dali universe (i saw the outside of it) or the east end/whitechapel. grrrr.
 
there's a new IllWillPress video on. brb. DUDE! this one sucked. the do's and dont's list from the hospital cuz of germaine's heart problem. the doctor wrote 'no group orgies' and she freaked bcuz she didnt know her nipples were pierced. it sucked. the next one better be good. or else YOU SHALL FACE MY SQUIRRELY WRATH.  or callen's asain wrath......either wrath is wrath-y-full. lol.
 
i saw fireworks last night. tons fo em. thousands. smily faces. gold willows. rainbow flower-like ones. even hearts.  they were beautiful! and the took a few seconds to go BANG! lol. each one cost about 2 hundred plus dollars i think is what tony was saying. and, there was this kinda...sky-line thing going on. the bottom black lines didnt move and the fireworks were constantly flowing. it was a eye-tricky-thing. lol. they were sooooo perrty. i want a comp program that can calculate fireworks crap. like a simcity firworks game. you have money and can buy certain fireworks and tehn do shows....get more money and mroe shows and crap. and you get to program where and when the fireworks go off and crap like that. oh yeah.
 
well. im gonna go get naked. put on a skimpy little swimsuit (bcuz i cant afford a decent one when father never gives me money for clothes) DUDE! that fucking reminds me! i wanted to go see raymond and cameron and austin and jord and jess and jason. but mom wont let me. she said i cant go into geneseo without her. WTF! YOU STUPID WENCH! omg. that irks me like no fucking other! just bcuz she's not there. no shit im not staying in ur apartment alone you dumb bitch. im staying with ray. ray said i could...well.....austin said i could stay with them. i dont think dad will let me.....since dad knows that they got my high that once but i bet he forgot. then again, callen will throw a fit about it thinking that while im there ill go behind his back and smoke since he struggles so ahrd to keep me from it here. so i pretty much have to stay with jordyn which means i have to put up with listening to her and her sister Steph bitch about clothes, soda, food, and steph's bf. who, might i add, is extremely ugly. she's so pretty too. but, i mean, i could also stay with grandma. i mean, im nice and sweet when mike's not around. even dad noticed that the other day when we got FRIED CHICKEN *mmmm* so yeah. stupid bitch. instead her skanky ass has to come down here and go shopping with us. which means IM GONAN MILK THAT WHORE FOR ALL SHE'S WORTH. im going to pac sun. im buying all the expensive jeans i want. a new pair of volatiles (cotton candy colors) and plenty of volcom, indi. , vans and element shirts. maybe even a few new hoodies. and ohhh........ a few new band shirts *POISON'S LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN SHIRT......HERE I COME!* maybe it wont be so bad but still, i wanted to see ray and cam and aust and jase. stupid bitch. sigh. oh well. im going swimming now. talk to you losers later.
 loves
 
..::Sweetcheeks::..

Nsync

I didnt see nsync on I Love The 90's. Sadly. :( I saw Toni Braxton. annddd......ummm.......DOM DANCED. lol. Im sorry but i cant get over the fact that dom danced to achy breaky heart. lol.
 
Ive been listening to Coheed and Cambria on repeat for the past few days. Dont ask me why. Tony finally IMed me back on msn. that guy....and his comp skills are great. but his net skills suck! lol. Then again, he always called upon my dad to fix his comp. 
 
I cant believe i missed that concert! It was fucking free. sigh. But...Callen wants to go to the Omaha Zoo.  Which ive wanted to do for a long time. I get to see pengies! And monkies! yay! but tony wants us to come in for the Omaha birthday thing going on. He wants us to come over the land and ride the dirtbike (which we dont have). and then sign and fart and whatever the hell else he said. I think that'd be great to be bring Callen along. We might not see the zoo....UNLESS! we had our ride drop us off at tony's and met dad there. then callen could ride the fourwheeler with me! YAY FOR FOURWHEELERS!
 
Um. i want to take a camera to omaha. that'd be fun. tony sent me this song calld Push th' Little Daisies by ween. it's some weird ass shit. im scared really. I could take pics of callen and pangies and callen and monkies and callen and sharks and callen and birdies and callen. im talking to evan. andy's little brother. his kitty has diabetes and my kitty won the kitty show first prize hor her glow-in-the-dark-ness. lol. well i g2g and call callen and dad. love you guys!
 
..::Sweetcheeks::..
 
p.s. hullo to callen, derek, ryan and jesse.

Holy Shit

he was right! they did update blogger. wicked!
 
so i was browsing blogs..i found derek and ryan. their blogs are awesome. derek's is cool. he lives in nebraska. mcCook. did i spell that right? he takes beautiful pictures. my fave was the ducky one....with the no trespassing sign. he's cool. and funny. but he's fourteen. little yougin. ryan was 17. his was a little more bland. but still interesting. and then....um......some other guys.......um........Jesse. thats it. grr at jesse's futurama buying. BAD CONSUMER WHORE. you need to buy family guy.
 
i love the 90's. my dad and i spent hours watching that show. new fave show!!! lol. i missed 96 and 97 tho. and the spice girls are on 97. nsyncs 99 i believe. me and my pop music. i bet celine dion will be on for her song for titanic. that was a good song tho. fuck. i have to go soon. I LOVE THE 90'S BITCH!
 
im missing the suckapunch No Coast Records cd release show tonight. unless callen wants to go. sojh will be there. i havent seen them for a while. and eric mellow's new guys for the JVA. i think soc will be there. i forget whom else.  after the order needs to come to town. dad wont let me see the 311 concert. and london is better then florence.
 
i beat bulgaria! i finally fucking won the quidditch cup. now i have to play as france. but i got queerditch marsh unlocked and five new cards won. ill prolly play as slytherin first. then france. hopefully ill get all the cards by the end of the year. im listening to Moulin Rouge! songs. go me. ttyl peoples.
 
Love always

..::Sweetcheeks::..

Ten Things

1) Scared
2) Coheed & Cambria, Des Palmas, Tonic, The Killers.
3) almost done with NovaNET
4) Hungry and tired.
5) Had chinese last night and four at a time.
6) Wicked shirt...Shinedown.
7) Somebody told me...that you had a boyfriend....that looks like a girlfriend...
8) Tomber. J'ai tombree. Tous ces deuils que l'on transporte. Tous ces fleurs. Tous ces couronnes.
9) 639 cheapest for England tix. but im hoping to attend a NCFC game during. idk if callen would go let alone like it.
10) Martin blogged...and martin's clean. go martin.

I Remember

When I looked into your eyes
I knew, what was thought, was true.
My heart never lies
Im in love with you.

As you stood there, looking 'round.
My body melted, to the ground.

I remember the day
Time
Place

I remember the night, you were
always in my dreams.

I wish I could be with you.
Day after day.
Bcuz I love you
More than words can say.

Quizzes

Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone
to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't
been in much relationships or you need to work
on how to handle them. You always seem lost in
a daydream about the person you care about
most.

PLEASE RATE


What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
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Jolly good, wot! Anyone for tennis? That'll be ten ponies, guv. You're the epitome of everything that is english. Yey :) Hoist that Union Jack!

How British are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

You're Captain Jack Sparrow: smart, savvy, a demon with the eyeliner and the best damn pirate we've ever seen. And only a litte crazy. Savvy?

Which POTC character are you?

this quiz was made by alanna

How random are you?

this quiz was made by alanna





Do you cluck or do you roar?

this quiz was made by alanna


You are a temptress


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Lord of the Rings!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of
sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have
your electronics you feel you can cope. Time
goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room
hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your
favourite collection of guitar-driven
albums.

Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour,
individuality.

Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life,
action-freak spirit, reclusive nature.



Your Personality type is the only type that would
like this cool online gothic Game:

www.life-blood.vze.com


What kind of girl are you?
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Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."


What type of eyes do you have?
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-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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borderline


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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YES THAT'S RIGHT! ITS ORLI! i believe so anyways.


You're addicted to.....

LSD!
Wow what you must go through every day. LSD gives
intense hallucinations and offen makes you
think you can do things that no human can. I
wouldn't try to pretend your a bird and play on
top of a tall building anytime soon.


What are you addicted to? (pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla


Mors


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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Emo! You're very in touch with your emotions and
that's what I like about you! It's all about
the music for you... I have pity for your
tortured soul...you're just like me...


What genre of rock are you?
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You're taffy!! You're a clever and kind person,
but you tend to hold grudges. You are not big
on dishing out forgiveness.


Which kind of candy are you?
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You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never
bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and
other times can be a bore. You can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they can find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and Kind, and can be party
animals. But, if you love someone, youre
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.



What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla


You'd bite their neck and drain their blood! Why?
Because you're a vampire like me! Whats that?
You're not a vampire? Well here's your chance.




How would you Murder?
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Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Xuan Wu!

Mythological background: Because the turtle has a
thick, solid shell that serves as protection -
this animal is associated with stability. You
enjoy intellectual pursuits.
Also, in Feng Shui (the Chinese myths behind
choosing a house), the black turtle's solidity
is used to protect from cold northern winds.


Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Cherries

there's an empty bowl of cherries next to me. it WAS full. i ate them. ill take a knife to my throat if im eating for two. sigh. anyways. to the happy stuff.

mike threw a remote at my leg a few days ago. i rendered helpless for about three minutes after my leg gave way from the piercingblow of the fucking remote. my leg went numb and i went down. i now have a blue and green bruise and partially yellow too. it's really gross. and there's one on each arm. ill get him back for it next time.

im brooding. thats what i told matt. i was sleeping earlier and had to let callen go. idk if he realised i was sleeping. i feel so bad about it too. evertime im at his house, whether or not we ahve sex, i fall asleep. i know why. but, idk if anyone would really understand it. besides, he always leaves when im sleeping, so im trying not to fall asleep as much. it sucks. im trying tho. ill get better.

the tips of my figners are stained a wine-like purple color. damn cherries. they're so good.

i really dont know what to be saying in this post. callen brought upon me a multipule orgasm yesterday. i was so happy. and, he mentioned something about after-glow. id heard a little about before, but, he said i was glowing. i shook my head and dismissed it but now, nobody's ever said i glowed. no matter the circumstances. callen sint exactly a casanova but he has a knack for saying some sweet things. maybe not the right things at the right time, but sometimes he does. no matter what, he's got sweet little lines of nothingness lodged in his brain. im starting to think he has a guilty pleasure for romance of some sort. then again, he always tends to prove me wrong. 99.9% of the time.

i finished The Notebook. sadly. i wish books went on forever. i really do.

callen and i went golfing yesterday. he beat me by four. even tho i put 49 instead of 50. lol. oops. ^.^ it was fun. except when my head was pounding and i needed to sit down. he's really good at golfing. ill beat him some day. hopefully when im not pmsing. atleast, i hope its pms. oh god. my mom would shoot me and the baby. i really hope luck is on my side. my life would be ruined. itll get better. please let it get better. im trying to spend tons of time with callen incase something does happen. atleast ill have memories.

im happy. im smiling. why? bcuz i have to. im about to go swmming before i go to bed. i still ahve to email callen. im glad he blogged. BEAT IT! lol. ima freak. my dad jsut made me a little happier. im wearing shorts tomorrow to school. and im bringing money for a donut. lord knows i deserve it. im wearing daddy's hat. im thinking about buy this cute angelpuss ring off of ebay. ill get daddy to put the money on my card and then ill buy the ring. that or ill see if limited too MIGHT have it. i might get an xox sin. but mike doesnt like the fire one i like, or the lightning bolt one. well, im gonna go. ill write during school tomorrow. loves

..::Sweetcheeks::..

My Notebook

Sigh. Im the happiest person alive right now. and if thats true..why does everyone ask me if im ok? sigh. crazy people.

The fire-alarm is being tested today. every five minutes it's WEEEEN WEEEN WEEEEN for about 10 to 15 minutes. they gave us ear-plugs but im using head phones. i downloaded almost all my music onto this computer. so now more cds or kylie minogue videos. lol.

The Notebook is my favorite movie of all time period. Ive never cried so much in a movie or smiled so much. i loved it. with all my heart. callen took me to see it yesterday. and took me to dinner. and bought me a whole bunch of other shtuff that i treasure. im making my CALLEN box today. and i think im gonna keep my mcintosh candle in there till i get a new one with glass casing. like my hazelnut. i lit my cantaloupe and cucumber candle this morning inside my hazelnut candle jar. :( i miss my hazelnut. candles are a gift from angels. they can be romantic, exciting, relazing, decorative, a fashion statement, de-oderizers, or anything else. im gonna make tapers and buy a B press for my letters. ^.^ woot. buttercream and apples. great smell.


Im on the third chapter of The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. the chapters are longer but they're great. i hate to compare myself to allie, but she's alot like me in retro-spect situation wise...but her and i are alot different in personailty. i like comparing myself to others.it makes me realise who i am. is the situation, matt should be noah and callen should be lon. but they're not. matt is lon, the rich bastard stalker who thinks his cock is the size of jupiter. callen is noah. sweet, seemingly innocent, willing, strong, dedicated lover. in the caste system back then, he would have been noah. but im not leaving callen for a lon. im staying with callen. thats that. id rather live with someone who can acctually look good, and put up instead of shutting up. someone who keeps his promises and have better views and perspectives then a guy who looks all oily and old and loves money and other crap more than me. i love you callen.


never will i muzzle my doggy. :( that poor puppy doggy had a muzzle and he was crying. poor dog. the little ones were cute tho. i want a corgi, named Elizabeth or George. queen elizabeth the second has i think 20+ corgies. i want one. callen likes em too. callen and i like so many of the same things. he's the only guy i trust as my bestfriend AND my boyfriend. i trust him to tell me when something's wrong or when there's something he doesnt like. its soooo sweet. he's helped me so much about matt too. i love callen.

I realise the odds, and science, are against me. But science is not the total answer; this I know, this I have learned in my lifetime. And that leaves me with the belief that miracles, no matter how inexplicable or unbelievable, are real and can occur without regard to the natural order of things. So once again, just as I do everyday, I begin to read the notebook aloud, so that she can hear it, in the hope that the miracle that has come to dominate my life will once again prevail.
ANd maybe, just maybe, It will.

'The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks. page 5.


i love that quote. its one of my faves in the book. I dont think ill ever forget yesterday. or the movie. or callen. no matter what. callen and i have decided to stay 21 forever. once we reach 21. lol.


this xmas, i might be going to england. 12/20 till 1/5. only $639.70 for a round-trip ticket with a stop off in houston. except, id arrive in gatwick instead of heathrow. ive seen heathrow before, but itll be nice to see a new place. martin and his bro MIGHT be able to pick me up. i can onyl go if he can. i dont think dad will elt me go alone tho. and i have to come up with atleast 700 dollars asap. i hope dad will let me. idk if i wanna go during xmas really. i wouldnt know what to get anyone and i wouldnt have money for gifts. maybe ill just save up for next summer. i wanna go a week or two before my nana tho. stay with martin and tehn come down and meet her in london. unless we get a free flight. then ill use my money for something else. i hope dad will let callen go with. i want callen to go to adventureland with my family. i know his mom wouldnt mind but ill have to convince dad to let callen stay the night with us. it'd be so much fun too. he could meet everyone. like chris and amelia and chris and ummmmm well, they're the only ones i remember. and we'll bring my GEETAR. and play it in the hotel and shizzit. it'll kick ass. i hope dad will let him. since his mom played for the tickets to omaha and dinner and crap like that. i g2g tho. dad's here. ttyl ya'lls. LOVES.

..::Sweetcheeks::..

NovaNet and Catholiscism

NovaNet can lick my left nut! Damn algebra. It better go quickly. I'll do five algebra chapters a day. Then focus on civics. Im working mostly towards Algebra so i can take geometry. That's my top priority.
Na na na....Light my fire. Woot. Je woot. I woot. lol. The Doors are the best band of the greatest era of rock. Now. They kick more ass then anyone. I cant really say I love em, but, everybody knows em, they conqured the 60's and 70's. It was pop trance 60's sweet rock...they brought jazzy, undertoned, grungy but catchy rock songs. They rock. lol.
Catholiscism is the worst religion ever. Period. We're stuck up tightwads with a cross stuck up our ass. I hate my religion, period. I must apologize greatly for Callen. Poor sweety. I kinda uner-mined his religion. I didnt mean to. Honest. That's just how I am. I have too many doubts to believe in so much bull. I'm sorry. You cant change that, and I couldnt be happier knowing that you understand that. Thank you. But, Im still sorry for crying last night. I will see you heaven. Heaven is wonderful, and a place cant be wonderful unless we're both there. You know you're the first guy to tell me that they wanna meet me up in heaven? lol. Bad thing is, once I got off the phone, my dad yelled at me saying I didnt care, I was stupid, irresponsible, disrespectful, and that I had no morals and I was going to hell. It hurt. I wasnt asleep till about 3. Woke up at six. Sigh.
Even with that, Im still afraid for Callen. I have a habit of becoming crazy. Hope he still cares. Matt promised he would, and he didnt....so Idk. But, hey. I cant only hope for the best. He's jealous of Matt, which blows my mind. And, its cute how he's even irked by my bad habit of celebs. Im trying my hardest to stop, and I think im doing well on it. I promise I'll get better. Promise. k?
My camera fucked with my film so I might have to re-do everything. And I dont want bailey's help. She fucks with everything. Ill have to get callen to film or something. I'm thinking of doing short-films.For the fuck of it. I dont know what about yet. Oh well.
Callen came over last night. Only time I ever lost a game of quidditch. :( lol. But we had pizza. And...watched Family Guy and played on the net and I updated his blog. Now the blue legolas theme from blogskins. WOOT! so much prettier and so much better. It was fun. He wants to take me to see The Notebook today AND DINNER. Dinner and a movie *everyone say AWWWWWW* lol. its another first for me. its so sweet. Ill try and get dad to wire me money tho.
They have a malfoy shirt at hottopic that my daddy might buy me. It's got a picture of draco and it says plainly in acid green letters 'Malfoy' it's so adorable. i dont think id wear it much. just like i hardly wear my pippin and merry shirt. i found my robe. And a box for matt stuff. so i can put it away. and my tennis skirt that doesnt fit. and.....umm.....i forget what else. But i found lots of stuff in my closet. I still have to pick up my room. again. lol. and do laundry while i play quidditch and try not to eat. dad pretty much said i could hang with callen today. iasked him this morning. yesterday he said "tomorrow you can go to his house, thats for sure" and its now yesterday's tomorrow. YAY.
Well, i wrote a shitload and callen better be happy. lol. loves. toodle. Later days.

..::Sweetcheeks::..

Legolas

my new teddy, Legolas, has just informed me that i had forgotten to blog. so im doing that now. but, anyways, im completely awestruck. i have been since about 10 yesterday morning. i did a fucking, 20 NEW THINGS in one day yesterday. i even made out during fireworks. it wasnt how i had planned, but, the first time isnt always best. well, for somethings anyways. but, GAH! CALLEN, I STILL THINK I SHOULD KICK YOUR FACE IN. lol. yes, everyone.... callen, being the greatest person in the whole world has surprised me with a teddy bear, an xbox game and a very sweet little card. and, to add on to the shock factor of it all, the teddy bear is bigger than matt's its not as stiff so i can hug it and it's acctually soft. now, i know i usualy say men dont listen, cuz, no man has ever listened to me unless it included something sexual, drug-related, alcohol-related or one of his fave people (ie, jenna jameson or jimi hendrix)and even then they heard half the story. one time, i dont remember when, i told callen that girls LOVE surprises since they'll tell you they dont want gifts. easy to see right? well, callen is the FIRST guy to surprise me on a day that has no special meaning or event. and his mom likes the doors. and his mom cooks an awesome steak. best steak ive ever had. could have a little more pepper or seasonings, just a little tho. yes, i have to be off now, callen will be here in two hours and i still wanna do some french and some quidditch. i will write when i get home from omaha. love to everyone. toodles.

..::Sweetcheeks::..

Bon Jovi

im at my nana's. im going to have car rides up the arse this weekend. drive home, drive to callen's drive to church drive home drive where ever else drive to omaha to lunch and back home again. but hey, itls for good reasons right? YES! now, i did something naughty this morning, and no callen, im not going to tell you, dont ask. i didnt cut myself if thats what ur thinking. i promise. you can search me. i feel sickly-like and such from it. callen, i know i can talk to you, but, you dont wanna know the things i think. i swear you wont. if you care for me at all and worry about my well being, youd freak and ask for me to have meds and a comfy room. we both know it. i get all crazy sometimes, ill come down from it soon. i know i will. maybe, if i get all trippy again, ill try to talk to you, but i might end up yelling and i couldnt stand the feeling of guilt afterwards. i know you've got problems, just like i do. maybe, not that im nosy or intruding or anything, but maybe we can really explain to each other our little mind-fuck ups. since both our minds hate us. i love you. and i know you love me. and, its weird, cuz you do everything perfectly. i want to thank you. and, i think you should read the lyrics to the song Id Die For You by Bon Jovi. youll like it. really. i promise. please read em. i love you. talk to you soon. loves.

..::Sweetcheeks::..

Girl, Interrupted

i just finished GI after falling asleep during it last night. now, when i rented the movie i promised my dad and myself that i wouldnt connect with it in anyway and that i wouldnt try to be like sussanna. i hate to say it....but.....BPD. i have it. thats that. if anyone knew me as well as i know myself then youd know. but nobody does. cuz, people worry. you cant say you're feelings to someone when they're so totally biased upon wellbeing. just bcuz i feel something strongly or have a certain feeling or thought....doesnt mean im going to put the plan into full action. like sussanna, she could tell someone, her journal. i cant, for thelife of me, put pen to paper. i have no one to talk to really. i mean. biased people like callen and amtt and my parents will never really understand whats its like to be a freak on the inside and wonderfully, happily normal on the outside. people like bailey and julia and such other goths at my school, know. but, it was julia who got me sent there. i didnt take 30, honestly, i swear to god. i took 2 extra wellbutrins, a couple ny-quil shit things, and some zyrtec. thats it. less than ten i swear. NOT 30. fuck. i mean, i cant really recover from something that wasnt diagnosed. can i? no. bpd. i dotn ahve casual sex no.... but everything else is right. BORDERLINE FUCKING PERSONALITY FUCKING DISORDER. that means im on edge. and im crazy. out of control. unstable relationships. unstable life. unstable THOUGHTS! FUCK YOU. im not crazy. its the movie. honest. i swear. im not suposed to be shaking am i? or, like, crying and such. NO IM NOT. AND IM NOT CRAZY. its not voices. just memories. memories of everyone whos called me a freak, a whore, a bitch, a pieace of shit.....everything. all those memories are being brought from the back of my head into my ears. WELL FUCK ALL OF YOU. im like daisy.....playing a perfect barbie doll, so happy and perfect and healthy but my body is cut up like a piece of food. lettuce maybe, cheese idk, something. something cut up a lot. and yes, JUST LIKE DAISY, i when the razor breaks the skin, i pray for the courage to push deeper and deeper, to the bone. idk. im so confused. i mean, i didnt USED to be crazy. and im sure all the abuse from my mom is th equivalant to being dropped, no, THROWN on my head several hundered times. MY FEELINGS FUCK WITH THEMSELVES, MATT DOESNT AHVE TO FUCK WITH THEM AND EITHER DOES ERIC OR MY DAD OR MY CATS. I DONT CARE. ok. thats that. i used to care, and when i did, they took away my meds and my therapy. my happiness. they took it all away when i cared. bpds ARE NOT LAZY LITTLE GIRLS! WE'RE NOT SPOILED EITHER. my god.......i dont care. im caring about maybe five thigns right now. but not me. fuck me. SO I GIVE UP. im going to get dressed. have some milk and play a game. till i leave. till then, FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.

CGYOOMH

So, ive been on a kylie phase for a while now. really weird. nic is hardly into mr or kylie now. its madonna. no offense to her, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but im not a madonna fan. it's only about 200 to 300 euros to see a show and have dinner at the moulin rouge. im gonna edit the guitar blog and have a list of things i want to do in my life. itll be great.
on the other hand, i feel like a fucking jezebel. i didnt mean to pull an oath from under the dust and shatter it to pieces. god kill me now. i mean, it was the greatest thing ever. even if it wasnt exactly how i remember it, it was perfect. and kinda cute.....a tent....and blankets....and a background light. it couldnt have been more perfect, unless we were completely alone, had rose petals, and it wasnt a spur-of the moment type thing. over all....i couldnt have had a better time. but, i still feel like a royal fucker. im sure we'll get over it. he'll tell me if he feels bad.
on a lighter note. i feel wonderful callen. he always was trying to get me to say wonderful when he asked me how i was. i am wonderful. i have a perfect boyfriend, who has nothing wrong with him, at all. i get along so well with his family. i had an intamte moment with 'mon bebe'. and im going a kick ass job on my video game. woot. double woot.
connor's watching videos on newgrounds. so is ray. the fat chick that knows callen is working, and im almost sleeping. lol. well. im gonna go. ill hardly end up finishing this stupid class. let alone ahead of time. ttyl. loves. bye bye. (p.s. sorry i didnt email you callen. ill try to later tho. loves)

..::Sweetcheeks::..

Serenade

you know what?!?! no guy has ever mentioned the word SERENADE to me until now. ever. its not just that i havent ever been serenaded, they never speak of it. none of 'them' ever held me, tipped me, kissed me, held me in the rain (well, that happened, but it was at the mall, and...it wasnt very romentic) and my god......ive never been 'romanced' in my life! how pathetic. my dad tells me stories about little surprises he used to send my mom, and my mom will tell me about how guys would send her random love letters, surprise flowers, or just appear at her door with random little things for her. it was so sweet. my mommy might have had a broken chooser, but they were sweet for a while. she just got a card from her exbf Jay in florida. it was cute. sigh. romance. its a dream mostly...ya know? you cant create romance by yourself, therefore, you need one of those special guys who aren't too macho, too proud or too insensitive to show romance. im so lucky. so very lucky. so very fucking lucky. i love you callen. i love you with all my heart.

Quand le monde finit
Allez-vous être ici pour moi ?
Quand le monde se brise-t-il vers le bas ?
Me bercerez-vous contre vous, dans le plus foncé des heures ?
M'aimerez-vous quand je pleure ?
Embrasserez-vous mes larmes loin ?
Sil vous plait parole que vous vous inquiéterez toujours.
Je mourrais pour vous.
Coupez ma peau à l'os pour vous.
Mais jusque-là, je serai toujours là pour vous.

My french poem. Voila! lol. The translation is a little off, but hey, it works. right? i cant remember half of what it says anyways. oh well. still 40 minutes till i leave. that sucks. i bet callen isnt even awake. lol. sigh. my tummy hurts. im hungry. ive been eating less and less. i crave rice krispie bars. lol. or.....chicken....or a burrito. im taking money out today. too bad i cant access daddy's bank thing and put in 50 bucks, then delete the history of it, and take out the money and delete that history. oh well. i might just get 6 bucks and go ahead and buy food. idk. but i g2g. im getting a tummy ache. loves to you all. toodles and poodles. love-

..::Sweetcheeks::..

p.s. there's more below. a lot more. make sure you scroll down...and read.

Come What May

Come What May

Welcome. Im tired. Very tired. Lol. Callen found the imagedump fotos. lol. i dont mind. he's not too perticular about the matthew one, but, im not sure. i liked it. prolly just jealous cuz anybody in the world could see em. im not complaining. dont get me wrong. jealous guys make me feel secure, its just, i like it. ill prolly end up taking it down anyways. bugger. listening to after the order. local band. matt knows em, so does stina, and jordan, and mike groesser.
matt and i broke up. for good. im not gonna lie, i am sad about it. i left someone who was close to me. i just got sick of him and couldnt stand him anymore. callen will make it better tho. he'll hold me. till i stop leaking. ive moved from bad, to good, to better to best. im there at last.

If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day...

moulin rouge. woot baby! callen needs a new title for his blog. im gonna email myself the blog html and link and then open it at his house and fix his blog. our parents still need to talk about saturday/sunday. callen's met my family before matt did. and i dated matt for five months. that teddy bear was the only thing matt ever gave me....pathetic really. and of all the fucking money i spent on him....fuck. fuck that. oh well right? yes...oh well....im strong, and ill move on. i know i will.

Comme vous pas jamais
these breakup songs make sense again.
i read that once.
true to me, but not anymore.
its over, finally now. but
look what i come home to,
and who.
an angel, to hold me...like you
never did.
Sad little thing you are, i do pity you
of all people, bcuz you lost.
but look what i come home to,
and who.
and angel, to love me like you,
never did. bcuz
you were too caught up in your own breath
you never took mine
away,
like he does.
although ill miss you, sweet
friend, dont think im lost, you're
still in my heart,
but He will always be here for me, like you
Never did.

i just wrote that. cuz im that good. woot! *throws arms up in celebration* hecks yeah! grr. i bet, when i come home, mike will have moises over. and i need to beat the hobbit. or atleast, get over that ledge. grrr. ill prolly just bake myself, but itll kinda hurt when callen holds me, but ill put up with it. you guys should see what he wrote in his blog. wooo-eeee! i never knew guy's could think that much. i mean, besides songs and sad depressed stuff, matt never wrote more than a few lines. and callen sounds as if hes read as many love stories as i have (not including h/d smut) lol.

Yo que te quiero tanto, que voy a hacer? Me dejastes, me dejastes en un ****. El alma se me fue. Se me fue hasta la sombra.
Ya no tengo ganas de vivir porque no te puedo convencer que no te vendas Rozanne.

Moulin rouge again. that has nothing to do with matt or callen or me. just interesting. well, maybe matt. matt might be thinking it. i wouldnt doubt it. oh well. long post huh? someday, ill write a poem in french. i will later ok? i g2g tho. ttyl. loves. toodles noodles. loves

..::Sweetcheeks::..