Problems

if i die, here's whats gonna go on:
1)i want iris by goo goo dolls played. thats MY SONG. i will have a letter planned out eventually, and i want that read before anything else happens.
2)my body will NOT go to science. idk if i want to be burned the some motherfucking pile of ashes.....but im not giving it to science.
3)if i go into a coma thing....for a rally long time. like, more then two years. i want to die. bcuz this whole schiavo thing makes me mad. i want to be put to rest after two years. period.
4)i honestly and truly want to be buried with one of my guitars, some of my poems, a little box full of pictures and tokens from thru out my life. i also want to be buried with a framed photo of tyler.

now, dont take this post all suicide like or anything. im just clearing things up. i am not depressed at all. i just dont want the schiavo business to happen to me.

anyways. i started working on my stuff. we need a printer thing for my comp tho. 9 days till our 6 month. YAY.

im so happy.

Pictures

i still need to upload my pictures. dammmnnn man. i was so odd last night. claire and i, we dont cause ANY shit with the 'group' and lydia and this other girl does. so we had to keep them out of the back room. but claire and i got a teeny bit high. we got a couple hits off of a blunt and got a shit load of second hand smoke. lol. edward was dancing all funny, like side-to-side jumping jacks. he said thats how white peoples dance. lol.

the ring phil gave me, fits my left-hand-ring finger ;) yay. i <3 this ring. i treasure it with all my heart. and ppl think its just some stupid ring. its my version of a promise type ring. ya know?

callen gets his license soon. he better stop by. or ill cry. bcuz hes cool. knowing him ill have to wait....wont i callen?

i went to bed at 3 last night. usually when i go to bed at three i wake up at 9. i wkoe up at 12:30. i was scared. lol. but im gonna go eat some fish sticks, roman noodles and other random food dad has stocked up on. BITCHS.

phil, i love you with all my heart. you're the only person who relaly makes me feel special *in more then one way ;)* and you love me more than any other person does or has. you can make me smile, which is hard to do. when you hold me, i feel so, relaxed and comforted. like im finally safe, at home, and finally happy. truly happy. and when i miss you, i get close to crying. and i hate being so far from you but soon, someday, itll be just you and me. on our private island, with our pet penguins. lol. i love you, you're presonality, your smile, your eyes, you're.....you more then anyone in the world. nobody could love you like i do. or as much. and i know you'll never leave. i trust you. even tho i DO get jealous at times, or overprotective, deep down, i trust you. i have your picture everywhere. and when i see the pictures, i see the memories and all the laughs we had and then i think of all the laughs we will share later on. i hope im with you forever baby. you're the greatest.

High

mannn

all i remember is ARGH and dominique trying to kiss me. which amkes me mad. i know that we got alcohol, then some gum and monster drinks. smoked before that. we were smoking ALL mother fucking night mannnn! lol. i remember ARGH and thats pretty much it. we've been smoking straight since midnight. till now. we've been on a constant high. and BUD UD DU DU DAAAA IM LOVING IT! lol

dude

idk

i love you phil

Ninja Rap

HTE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES ARE A BUNCH OF RACIST ASS BITCHES. THE MOTHERFUCKERS ALL HAVE ITALIAN NAMES....MAKING THEM ALL FUCKING ITALIAN! WHAT ABOUT A BRITISH TURTLE, NAMED EDWARD. OR A FUCKING SPANISH TURTLE NAMED PEDRO. OR A FUCKING CHINESE TURTLE NAMED TAI-MAH-SHU! lmao. i kill me.

sex

two times + peeps + tickling + kisses + easter candy + family guy = the best night ever.

but...... OW!

damn you phil.

i <3 the new kylie single......which also isnt on iTunes.

and the song Sugar (Gimmie Some) but only the Ludacris and Lil Kim part. if i was a rapper, my name would be Lil Bryt aka Sex Queen lmao.

go me.

go phil........i wish i had bragging right like that. then again, hes mine....lol.

i want to eat a peep.

claire will be here at 10. YAY. we're gonna get high. sweeet.

i love you phil. but still..... OW

Emo

i enjoy fading nicotine and warm coffee.

coffee and cigarettes, i feel so disgustingly emo

im exstatic. i get to see phil. and when i get to his house im gonna run up to him tackle him, tickle him, wrestle with him and kiss him till im exhuasted and then we'll lay there forever. man.....

my purchased music on iTunes is rock, rap and country. thats it. four rap, one country *until billy's new song is on iTunes* and the rest is rock. ive just downloaded The Bravery, Ciara, Hot Hot Heat and THE NEW MOTHERFUCKING WEEZER SONG YOU BITCH ASS NIGGA! lmao. phil would be pleased. mannnn. i hate Neutral Milk Hotel. bleh. g2g clean.

im so happy

DAMN

damn you blogger. always fucking around with my posts. go suck some monkey cock.

Home

im home a day early. and my easter sucked. no car. no candy *until now* and no killers tickets for phils bday. the only easter candy ive recieved is starburst jelly beans and a peanutbutter bunny......BLECH. seeing kyle, claire and PHILLY tomorrow. im happy----er. i still feel like crying. i miss phil so terribly that i hurt inside. and i dont like it. callen reminded me : RUBBERNECKER!

kristopher keith kirby = kenny vasoli. only fatter and more asshole-ish.

i feel dead. not mentally.....but physically. i need sleep.

Kirby

i know why kirby's face appealed to me for the slightest time

kirby's face = kenny vasoli's face *he who sings and plays bass for starting line*

yeah bitches!

im singing Fade Away by seether, and altho it gives me faint memories of crying over jared, now it makes me think of whats happening to me

i dont like this at all

but im going home today

Attention

maybe its just me.....but im sick of having to work my ass off for your goddamn attention! everything seems to come before me. a movie when we're cuddling on ur couch. watching buildings pass you by when we're taking you home. shit,my cousin came before me last night. you wanna know the one way someone shows you love? being hurt by you crying, so they wipe away your fucking tears. idk. i guess its just me. i guess im just a whiny selfish brat for wishing my bf would pay attention to me without me having to mention something sexual. i feel so dead.

-me

Lyrics.

lyrics. first happy. then sad
.
guess the song, ill give you something special!
.
She put that sugar on my tongue, tongue
Yippie Yippie, Yum Yum
Goodie goodie gum drop
Put me in a tongue lock
Did it till my body went numb, numb
Laid her on her back, back
Turned her round, gave her bottom a smack, smack
.
next song....which is so disgustingly emo
.
Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all she heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.
.
idk if dylan is allowd to guess tho. not yet. well, in three days he can.

Sad

im leaving tomorrow. altho im happy to be going home.....what about cam?
.
phil wont like this:

I am 75% Emo.

Holy gee whilikers... I am as emo as it gets... I will try to cheer the heck up and stop wiping my nose on my sweater...

Take the
Emo Test
@ FualiDotCom

idk aobut this one:

I am 94% Asshole/Bitch.

I am one of those people that love to hear the sound of their voice. That and my lousy attitude make for a mixture as toxic next-day-mexican-dinner-ass-drip.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

how fucking true:

I am 15% Idiot.

I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

I CANT MAKE IT ON MY OWN
as much as i love you. what you're doing is so fucked up. im sick of crying over you. i dont wanna cry. cant i be your everything?

grr

i hate this. sure.....making colleen cry was bad but now i just wanna be in erie, hiding eggs and being the only one to talk to my bf. i wish hed block those girls and not tlak to them. idk y but its making me cry. cant they hit on their own guys? NOT MINE.

Lipgloss

lipgloss. there's a fire call but i dont think its for erie. nope. guess not. i got my lipglosses and my photos. talking to derek, phil and toria and im aboutt o leave to jordge's

love you

Phil is a psycho

Brittni *Chaque moment où je passe avec vous est un trésor du moment* says:
ibuprofen up the ass hizzle
phil*duke games on* says:
NO! OW!
phil*duke games on* says:
well
phil*duke games on* says:
not that ow
phil*duke games on* says:
i guess its not big...
phil*duke games on* says:
but NO

phil*duke games on* says:
i dont want to stick anything up my bum thank you
phil*duke games on* says:
its gone now
phil*duke games on* says:
yay
phil*duke games on* says:
AAAHHHH
phil*duke games on* says:
head itches
phil*duke games on* says:
i just might have fleas
phil*duke games on* says:
jk
phil*duke games on* says:
i hope
phil*duke games on* says:
...
phil*duke games on* says:
i think i want to take a shower now
phil*duke games on* says:
but before i do, how many emails have i sent you today?
phil*duke games on* says:
r u there?
phil*duke games on* says:
i feel like im talkng to myself
phil*duke games on* says:
o well
phil*duke games on* says:
i do that alot
phil*duke games on* says:
so phil hows it going
phil*duke games on* says:
good hbu
phil*duke games on* says:
not too shabby
phil*duke games on* says:
damn you are one sexy beast
phil*duke games on* says:
i no
phil*duke games on* says:
thank you
phil*duke games on* says:
your not to bad looking yourself
phil*duke games on* says:
thanks
phil*duke games on* says:
you know phil i almost ate meat today
phil*duke games on* says:
i know i was there
phil*duke games on* says:
HAHAHAHA
phil*duke games on* says:
*giggle*
phil*duke games on* says:
hey brittni arent you glad your dating a psycho
phil*duke games on* says:
hey whats that supposed to mean?
phil*duke games on* says:
nothing, honest
phil*duke games on* says:
whatever, i know what you think of me
phil*duke games on* says:
thats right i think your a hoe
phil*duke games on* says:
why you little...
phil*duke games on* says:
*struggle in backround*
phil*duke games on* says:
ow
phil*duke games on* says:
i slapped myself
phil*duke games on* says:
im so awesome
Brittni *Chaque moment où je passe avec vous est un trésor du moment* says:
omfg
phil*duke games on* says:
yes?
phil*duke games on* says:
lmao, i crack myself up
phil*duke games on* says:
i cant stop laughing
phil*duke games on* says:
ow, my face hurts'
phil*duke games on* says:
woo

Done/Havent Done

i got this form derek's blog. but im giving details.
.
x) - I've done .........................................................(-) - I haven't done


(x) been drunk........................................................ (x) been high
drunk - got punched; high - with claire. lmao. chinese speaking amish gangsta
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex ..................(x) kissed a member of the same sex
phil. stina.
(-) crashed a friend's car ..........................................(-) been to Japan
(-) ridden in a taxi ...................................................(x) been dumped
too many times
(x) been fired or laid off ............................................(x) been in a fist fight
t.*r.s garden / katie h
(x) snuck out of my parent's house ...........................(x) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
with claire. i cant say who. ask and ill tell you
(x) dated someone of the same sex ........................... (x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
stina. my foot
(x) been arrested .......................................................(-) made out with a stranger
shopkos. theft
(x) stole something from my job ................................(-) celebrated new years in time square
pickles
(-) gone on a blind date............................................. (x) had a crush on a teacher
mr avey
(x) been to Europe .....................................................(-) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
england
(x) skipped school .....................................................(x) cut myself on purpose
to see phil. and bcuz i hate myself
(-) been married .......................................................(x) had feelings for someone you knew online
derek chmiel. yes, i still like him like that. but i control it. ive accepted him and his choices. even tho it took a few months. and a few weeks of crying.
(-) had children .........................................................(-) seen someone die.
(-) been to Africa ......................................................(x) Punched a friend
jordyn
(-) Been to Canada..................................................... (x) Been to Mexico
with mommy. tijuana
(x) Been on a plane.................................................... (-) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
to england, clai, florida, and places in between
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have back ...........(x) Thrown up
derek chmiel. one of the three greatest people ive ever known. i love him with all my heart and ill always be there for him, hes my best friend and without him, i might not be here thru some of the shit ive went thru. i got drunk off of mint alcohol and believe me. mint tastes better going down then it does going up.
(x) Eaten Sushi ......................................................... (-) Been Snowboardingmmm sushi
(x) Met someone in person from the internet ...................(-) gotten divorced
DEREK! lmao. i think i saw his identical twin today at fuddruckers.
(x) been in an abusive relationship ............(-) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
jared skinner
(-) lost a child.......................................................... (-) gone to college
(-) graduated college............................................... (x) tried killing yourself
caps bitches
(x) taken painkillers ................................................(x) love someone or miss someone right now
overdose. i love/miss phil, derek, daddy and claire.

Illinois

i had a bad night when i got home yesterday. my mom bought the UGLIEST jeans. and i tried them on anyways but i got snappy because she insisted on seeing me without clothing on, and im SO insecure that i started to cry. she thought i was crying over the jeans. sigh. i called phil and sat kinda bitched. i feel bad for it now BUT IT HELPED SO MUCH. but today, i got my HAIR DID! hells yeah. it's hard to explain so ill attempt to post a photo. i got two button up shirts, really springy. one is white and blue, the other is green and pink. i have a blue tanktop for the blue one and a pink tanktop for the other. i also got this green prep-type shirt. but its super cute. a new pair of jeans. some easter candy. i get to hide eggs for the girls. YAY. my hair feels greasy from the fiber-pomade. i brought Kolbe the bear. thats what i named the bear phil gave me for vday. YAY! i love you so much baby. i marinated myself in curve today at gordmans. why? bcuz it made me cry bcuz all i could think of was phil. i cry easily lately. damn women and their periods. grrrrrrr and such. omg. i saw the cutest bunches of easter flowers at walmart. they were all sprayed with glitter. it made me smile real big. colleen is here with her mom. they're dropping off brady but they've been here for almost an hour now. i have 8 more emails to write so i think im gonna get to it. love you all. please leave comments cuz i cant be on much.
-Brittni

Why?

why is it that i always do stupid shit? why? why me? wut did i do wrong? i was up till 1 man.........it has really taken a toll on me. im crying again. half because i dont want to leave. i want to take phil with me. im gonna take my bear instead of a pillow. brady's sister will be with us. which means.....i pretty much have to do anything and everything this girl wants. i have to tell her about phil. i have to play dolls, color, watch kid movies, and laugh at shit that isnt funny. and ill prolly have to sleep top bunk. im so sleeping on the fucking couch. damn little kids. all i want is my room to myself so i can listen to music, read my french and email phil. oh, and to read Their Eyes Were Watching God. i borrowed it for break. my tummy is hurting.......I NEED IBUPROFEN. lol. im so warm. yet so chilly. weird no?
.
ok, i cant keep myself from this. phil, im so sorry. honestly. i was just so depressed and hurt that you forgot to call. i know you didnt 'forget' but i mean about the fact that i was leaving RIGHT after school. it hurt. i guess i really over-reacted with the whole three weeks thing huh? listen phil, no matter what ill always love you AND I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. plz call my cell around 6. PLEASE. for me. thanks for being the greatest person in a world and making me smile so many times. i love you baby.
.
| You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with yor door key explaining that i am just visiting
And i am finally seeing why i was the one worth leaving |
| I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death |
| I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home |

.

i officialy proclaim myself dead
.
dear pjkl:

to lie here under you is all that i could ever do | i breathe you, i taste you, i just cant live without you | i dont wanna close my eyes | youll never hear this song | tell am i right to think that tere could me nothing better then being in my life and slowly growing old together | will someone please call a surgeon who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart | i cant my darling, i love you so |

| i love you phil, but that was your choice. maybe you should think next time. have a fun three weeks. ill look forward to reading your pleading emails that i'll probably cry over, but i still wont reply to. i lvoe you. goodnight. until april 13th |

leaving

IM LEAVING TOMORROW, AND I WILL 'NOT' HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK TO PHIL BEFORE I LEAVE. NOR WILL I BE ALLOWED TO CALL HIM. FUNNY THING IS.....MY LOVING, THOUGHTFUL BOYFRIEND DECIDES HES GONNA FORGET HIS GF AND NOT CALL HER. now i cant talk to him till the 30th. i refuse to email him for this. im crying AGAIN. thanks phil. i hope you're happy that you forgot ur gf and made her cry. just watch, i bet i cry during the car ride. jackass.
.
i hate life

Is This Weird?

is this weird or am i crazy?
scenerio 1: im in oral comm, i got a decent grade on my test wholly on the fact that i missed the notes from the monday before the test *monday gone, tuesday teacher forget, wed test* and when i tried to reason with my bitchy teacher she wouldnt have it. after i asked and waited for the notes, and was late to my next class because of it, she says its my fault i didnt get the notes. it was my fault for not stopping in after school or before school. so i cried, and i was kinda bitchy bcuz my grades are dropping and mrs broeker isnt making it any better. josh hinman *who has a gf of 8+ months* called me at 3:15 and asked me if i was ok, and that he hoped my day goes better tomorrow and that hes sorry about what happened. OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE. i wish i could do that.
.
scenerio 2: now i understand hes at tims house, but jesus, he could have called earlier and said go ahead and see ur friends, im busy doing other things. i cancelled plans. and here's our only convo of wed march 23rd.
kAsMiR68510: hello, its phil
socIALd 4 9 j b: hi
kAsMiR68510: whatsup
kAsMiR68510: im at tims if you were wondering
socIALd 4 9 j b: noooooo really?
kAsMiR68510: ummm
kAsMiR68510: thanks for making me feel
kAsMiR68510: dumb
kAsMiR68510: idk how long i can talk
kAsMiR68510: so...
socIALd 4 9 j b: what do u mean?
kAsMiR68510: idk, but i might have to leave in a little
kAsMiR68510: i think were going somewhere
socIALd 4 9 j b: o
kAsMiR68510: so how was your day
socIALd 4 9 j b: shiity
socIALd 4 9 j b: hbu
kAsMiR68510: it was ok...
kAsMiR68510: well i have to go now
kAsMiR68510: sad*
kAsMiR68510: well i love you
socIALd 4 9 j b: love you too
kAsMiR68510: cya
socIALd 4 9 j b: bye
kAsMiR68510: bye
kAsMiR68510 signed off at 7:15:54 PM.
how sweet i know. i mean, he could have called or SOMETHING. idk. usually, it wouldnt be bad. but my day has totally sucked except getting to wear kyle's letter jacket.im thinking about buying one.
.
sigh. i think scenerio 1 beats scenerio 2. someday, when someones sad, im gonna call them later and make sure they're ok. i felt so loved. JUST TO MAKE SURE IM OK. not even my mom or dad calls me outta the blue to make sure im ok and doing better. i <3 you josh. thanks for brightening my otherwise shitty day.

Jon

jon heder = hott. and makes me think of a certain someone, but older. and val kilmer. YU. can we say phil when hes 20?

Me

i hate me
.
this game is addictive and reminds me of squishie http://badger.ing.me.uk/~ahmulh/pingu.htm
.
i enjoy cheerleading in french class
.
i like random calls to say you love me, or care for me
.
i like my auburn hair
.
i will pay you and forever be in ur gratitude for some MOTHERFUCKING EASTER CANDY BITCH!

Always

my current fave song: *old i know, but good*

I hear... a voice say "Don't be so blind"...
it's telling me all these things...
that you would probably hide...
am I... your one and only desire...
am I the reason you breathe...
or am I the reason you cry...
Always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you...
I love you...
I hate you...
I can't get around you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that i'm out the door...
and now i'm done with you...
I feel... like you don't want me around...
I guess i'll pack all my things...
I guess i'll see you around...
It's all... been bottled up until now...
as I walk out your door...
all I can hear is the sound...
Always... always... always... always... always... always...
I just can't live without you...
I love you...
I hate you...
I can't get around you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that i'm out the door...
and now i'm done with you...
I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I left my head around your heart...
Why would you tear my world apart...
Always... always... always... always...
I see... the blood all over your hands...
does it make you feel... more like a man...
was it all... just a part of your plan...
this pistol's shakin' in my hands...
and all I hear is the sound...
I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I breathe you...
I taste you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I guess that i'm out the door...
and now i'm done with you...
I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I love you...
I hate you...
I can't live without you...
I just can't take anymore...
this life of solitude...
I pick myself off the floor...
and now i'm done with you...
Always...
Always...
Always...

Good Morning

Good Morning Everyone! it's only 4:50 so i figured id blog. i just remembered about my feild trip in creative writing. the tuesday i come back, my creative writing clas is going to listen to this poet Ted Kuzer speak. im excited but i dont like ted kuzers work. i also have a book report due today so yeah. i need to pee, then im gonna type up my book report. if i do it, i could have an A in english. yay x10. umm, im gonna do my late work in geometry whilst im in illinois bcuz ill be bored and sadly, i ENJOY circles and/or triangles. my face feels like shit. my dumbass, only having a minimum amount of 10 hours of sleep this weekend, went to bed at 11 last night, and ive been getting up at 4:40. sigh. i feel so adulty tho bcuz ive been downing coffee like its water. dad's all worried about it, bcuz i went thru a 12pack of mt dew in two days. pretty much by myself. and i drink atleast three cups of coffee a day. and a bottle fo pop atleast, some tea, and i try and fit atleast three energy drinks into my week. i think i need to stop but i dont want to. oh well. i really hope you guys check out the new photos bcuz they rock out loud. it's so cool. i messed with the lighting so much. yyyeaaahhhh! lol. well, pee time then book report. loves.
-Brittni

F.I.N.E.

i am happy. phil came over. life is good. ill miss him when im in illinois. i promise ill email you five times a day phil! I PROMISE. he promised earlier, but i never did. so i am now. i took pictures. click the flickr link and veiw the noob pics. lol. i took some AWESOME ones. smoking wednesday w/ claire. downloaded No Address and Theory of a Dead Man. i just remembered about brian's pic. 17 songs left. im waiting for billy gilman tho. dad's ordering the pink ludo shirt AND harry potter. yay. im gonna sell my kite from nana, for money for the 'party' on the 31st. lmao. NO WORRIES.
.
i <3 me, phil, claire, derek, dylan, kyle, hobo bob, silly jesus, amish gangstas, cellfaces and life!

tired

i saw a bunny on the way home.

Saturday

my sat:
*went to claires
*went to amigos, saw chris
*left with jen, called edward
*went back to claires, jumped on trampoline, had kyle over.
*kyle left at midnight
*willy wonka
*food
*we were wired, and decided to walk to walgreens
*walked to walgreen, with pjs over our jeans, and looking GHETTO. lmao.
*went to bill's and played dominoes
*got high on the way home
*laughed alot
*claire proclaimed herself god
*went to bed at 6:30
*WOKE UP AROUND 8.
.
hell yeah
we rock. bitches. today has been so good. woke up, had coffee, got on bus, dad had left me a check. yum. food. but im hardly eating either way. phils coming over after school. i leave thursday. here's my schedule thru the end of spring break:
21-phil
22-shopping, packing...kinda
23-packing. smoking?
24-leave
29-get home
30-hanging with jen....stopping by dylan's?
31-smoke w/ claire et phil
1-reserve and varsity baseball games. and food during the jv game
2-idk
3-idk
yay. im so happy. quiz wednesday, and thursday. wed and thurs - english. thurs - french, geometry, world his, and i think oral comm. i get my lipgloss soon. im having dad pre-order harry potter for easter, unless he has already, then i want the ludo shirt. man, im so tired. billy gilman's new cd comes out may 2nd. hmmmm MAY 2ND. lol. may 5th = the killers. idk wut else to say.
.
*whisper* claire......i cant remember five minutes ago!
lmao
Loves
Chinese-Speaking Amish Gangsta
aka
Brittni

Sigh

im so perfectly content. i am gonna live life so well up until the end of spring break!

TOOTHPICK

clairew and i are sooo stoned. we walked oour asses to walgreens and wlaked itno bill's apartment, for the second time. we played dominoes, we lost. then, we went to a gas station...bought candy....and dominique bought a CIGAR. we smoked on the way home. claire and i had them pullover near her house and we sat and smoked. the smoke in the car made claire and i fill lik we're in a dream. and we giggled so much that we cant remember anything. ilike in the car.. and all we remember is i called my napkins TOOTHPICKS, for tbeew rgw THREE sec0ods i thooought napkins were called toothpicks. hobo. HOBO HOBO-BOB. dizzy spinny tilty the dizzy mades me fall REAL SLOW LIKE. shes peeing, i thnk. or mom is up

Thong Neck

brian and i are talking about things and im at claires. phil......IM OK. im about to call you. claire and i snuck away form amigos with jen, tried to get edward to buy alcohol but he never called, came home, had some friends over, atre cheetos, and we're wired off of our asses with literally nothing to od and its making me sleepy. oh well. im having so much fun. love you all.
.
p.s. chris bowling has the longest nose hairs ive ever seen and his nose twitches more then a dog on crack.

sistah...

damn you nhl. damn you and your greedy fucking players/coaches. damn. grr.
.
IM SO HAPPY. i <3333 letter jackets. they're warm and smell good. im so very happy. poker. pokerchips. cereal in my pop. klye drank it. lmao. won in french class. slept in english. i figured out that i love geometry. geometry should last longer then a year. how about a choice between algebra 2 and geometry 2. i dont think we're going to the fishfry tonight. and im pissed that phil cant go. i really hate his mom, no matter how nice she is to me in person. im tired. lets fall asleep....k?

LOVES! SENT OUT TO MY FIVE FAVE PEOPLE! *phil, kyle, derek, claire, dylan*

Lotion

i have a lotion obssession. nate gave me about 13 caps yesterday, and amanda gave me one, and i had two in my not-so-lost purse. which means 16 songs! WOOPA! brb. i gotta put my face on.damn you iTunes! there's a 10-song entry limit perday. grrrrr and such. assholes.brb. more makeup. back. anyways. so it's 15 mins till i GOTSTA GO. lol. i havent even put my shirt, shoes and socks on. altho, not in that order. alyssa came over last night and we took pictures. the bestest are on flickr. you should check em out. man. oh dude, im SO not wearing a hoodie today! ARENT YOU PROUD?!?! lmao. i ALLLLLLWAYS wear a hoodie to school, and im not today. go me. go me. go me x10! WOO WOO! i cant believe we lsitened to nsync in oral comm yesterday. I WANT YOU BACK. oh yes. omg. im soooo sad. ALL last night, in between spurts of sleep, my left leg would cramp up. but i was half asleep so it didnt hurt as bad....but i so couldn't bend it. that's only happened once before and it happened five times last night. and now its sore. WTF. oh well. ill write more when i get to school and such. love you all.phil <3
-Brittni

Umm

there was something uber important for me to post and idk what it is. i got a 215/200 on my french project. SWEET. i also got an award for my excellent french, my creativity and the fact that i completed it. go me. its a journal *the prize* and alyssa and i write notes back and forth. we might include claire. the sub is circling us, like a vulture, and i dont like it. i need to wash my hands, they're dirty. and paint my nails. photos tonight with alyssa, then kyle's concert.....dad doesnt want to drive pto phils for any reason so i guess i cant seee him. till, the 30th at earliest. cuz, we cant hang out this weekend, and i have school, leave thursday, get home late the 29th. damnit. KISS ME IM $#it FACED! lol. i rule. nobody gets it tho. i have to dress up for the concert tonight. alyssa might go. mimi's going too. im wearing my suit. my tummy feels funny and im kinda sickly feeling. idk y. im gonna learn a song on guitar and none of you fuckholes will know what song....and for a damn good reason. finished my 100pt english essay. i have a G&V assignment to do for french. bookwork for geometry that ill do bcuz its fun. idc what anyone else thinks....i like proofs. and triangles but most of all, i LOVE CIRCLES. thats what we're studying. i had chinese last night. my persuasive speech is gonna be against the AWOL. alcohol without liquid. its cool, and i want one, but i cant really say im FOR it bcuz its not banned or anything. i gotta go tho. i gotta pee.

-Brittni

Grr

im sick of keeping everything inside. im sick of putting up with phil's shit. michelle's shit. stina's shit. ray's shit. my dad's shit. I WANT TO FUCKING DIE ALREADY!

Grr

im sick of keeping everything inside. im sick of putting up with phil's shit. michelle's shit. stina's shit. ray's shit. my dad's shit. I WANT TO FUCKING DIE ALREADY!

Sigh

you're a fucking show-off. just like denys. when someone is wrong, you RUB IT IN THEIR SORRY LITTLE FACES. fuck you. fuck seeing you this weekend. fuck having chris drive me there.

Sigh

you're a fucking show-off. just like denys. when someone is wrong, you RUB IT IN THEIR SORRY LITTLE FACES. fuck you. fuck seeing you this weekend. fuck having chris drive me there.

Sigh

you're a fucking show-off. just like denys. when someone is wrong, you RUB IT IN THEIR SORRY LITTLE FACES. fuck you. fuck seeing you this weekend. fuck having chris drive me there.

Sigh

you're a fucking show-off. just like denys. when someone is wrong, you RUB IT IN THEIR SORRY LITTLE FACES. fuck you. fuck seeing you this weekend. fuck having chris drive me there.

Skins

unless derek helps me with my DIRTY skin, here's some ideas:
http://not-that-ugly.co.uk/html/chocolate.html
http://www.blogskins.com/apply.php?sid=37108&action=Preview *my fave*
http://www.blogskins.com/apply.php?sid=26124&action=Preview*i hte myself for this one but its kinda cool*
http://www.blogskins.com/apply.php?sid=8435&action=Preview
http://www.blogskins.com/apply.php?sid=27100&action=Preview

i <3 these blogs. mostly the killer, chocolate and keane. let me know.....PLEASE! tell then. LOVES

Addy

thanks to stina, im changing my blog address. it wont be on my info page, dont try it. those of you who read this regularly, those of you i trust, ill tell you the new address when you ask.

Rice Krispies

i have a ricekrispie bar in my pocket.
.
angel brought the first sojh cd to school. i almost cried.
.
watched Radio today. for testing ya know. claire and i laughed so much at the kid next to us. but radio was a good movie, i felt kinda bad tho, bcuz i laughed once or twice. but it was really good. Whar mah pie? lol. cuba was great for the part. just wonderful. i even made kkm laugh. and kyle c is The Jew, kyle m is Poohbear/KKM, and im's *so far* Jewbait. till jen and kkm get a new nickname for me.
.
my nose has been sniffly all day. but its acctually quite ok. my throat HARDLY hurts and my head feels fine, altho it gets warm in the school and its making me uncomfortable. nobody noticed that i cut my hair. so during spring break, im cutting it SHORTER. im gonna leave it the same, but im taking an inch off of each layer. idk how long i have in this class. DAMNIT. but im quite comfy. i have oral comm mext, then writing. then home. today? hockey. maybe i can stop at phils or come over during hockey. my hair needs to be thinned out more. claire and i played quarters during lunch today. my knuckle got hit bad once or twice, hardly bled. this one kid got her after the movie really badly, and then i kept making her bleed, i made a new cut and opened the scab from the movie. lol. sabrina lightened her hair, and i do NOT like it. at all. it's too light. and she looks horrible with her bangs to the side. im so gonna do my hair up tomorrow. most will be in a ponytail, except short pieces from the side, it'll be all punk looking. and hot. omg lachelle hit me in the head earlier. it was TRES owie. geometry is sooooooo motherfucking easy. im gonna test out of it before the attandance people get made bcuz i can only miss it once more. im so testing out. ill only miss like, the last few problems. g2g now. loves.
.
oh, stina, stay the fuck away from my locker. leave when i get there, cuz i dont want to be near you. especially since your loose, nasty pussy smells so bad. keep the fuck away from me, go off and makeout with callen and then kevin. ya know....cuz talking shit about me is fucked up. you're dating kevin and you made out with callen? sure, callen's 50 times better then kevin, but still. and i still cant believe youve dated both runiuns. atleast matt could stick up for himself. i guess you just take what you can get dont ya? i mean, since matt realised what a fucking skank you are, he wont date you. and josh realised that even ABBY is a better person then you. jeeze. and you're such a whiny bitch that you get mad at MIKE bcuz he wont tell you why BRENDAN hates you. hmm. i wonder why everyone hates you. two big reasons slut, one) you're an ugly, std-infested, fly-covered piece of dead horse's shit. and two) because you're the biggest, whinest, babiest bitch out there. you got ME kicked off the VA board bcuz you're so whiny and no one can stand you and i was the only one to stand up to you. remember those reasons bitch, bcuz i dont want to have to repeat them to your curb-stomped, bleeding, bruised face when you ask god why it happened to you.

Malade

je suis malade et mon pere est forcing moi to aller ou l'ecole.
.
im sick and my dad is forcing me to go to school.
.
i have three minutes till the late bus gets here. and i look like i just died. i feel like my body is dying painfully from the inside out. my eyes burn and WILL NOT STAY OPEN. they are red and puffy. my eyelashes look funny. i tried cleanign my face with a cold washcloth with ice, nothing. my mouth feels numb. my throat is burning. my arms and shoulders are SORE. i cant stop coughing. my inner-forehead is being pounded on by little men with white-hot hammers. giant hammers. i want to die. or become numb till its all gone. i hate my dad. if im forced to go to school like this, ill be crying in every class. im already crying. i cant go to school. not like this.
.
let alone after the nightmare i had.

I ROCK.

period. dont argue with it.
.
friday: claire came over at like 3:40. we went to phil's. lol. he didnt know we were there and he found us hiding by his brother's room. then we went to daltons, i got really mad. one)bcuz phil and claire wre attacking me when i was jumping and two?bcuz dalton was ignoring claire. dylan didnt come. haha. dalton SO macked on claire. they kissed again. they're cute together. went abck. walked to homers, no coffee. then we had chinese. OMFG SO YUM. SO YUM. claire :food makes me happy. when i have food, its like YAY FOOD. lol. i <3 her tons. we then left, talked to erin and craig about shopping and phil wearing sparkly vanilla spray. lol. i made craig laugh. we started to watch napoleon dynamite, then lotr. then.....umm......well......something super amazing and extra wonderful happened...and god was it good. then i fell asleep on phil and he was holding me. and i guess claire said he was watching me. lol. went home. before we left, i stole phil's GWG pin. he knows now. but im getting nick to give him a new one. got home. gave mike and his cute little friend about 5 bucks and we ordered stuffed crust pepperoni pizza at midnight. then claire and i tried to get drunk while watching Waterboy. we tried to drink a busch light. GROSS. then rum and koolaid. rum was too strong. then chocolate cask and cream with milk. half way gone. then we snuck out and tried to find kyle's house. we pounded on window after window. threw rocks, snuck into his backyard. i wiped poo from my shoe with his pole for his porch. called his house. his mom answered. OOPS. finally went home, finding out that his house was ALOT nearer then we thought. got home, and on the way tlaked to mike's friend lexi. got home. talked with mike and his friend *preston, dustin b's brother* fell asleep at 5 am.
.
sat: got up at nine. hung out, picked up, get dressed, walked to kyle's. claire's mom picked us up and took us to my house so she could get her stuff. i took a nap. went to the park. left to omaha. ate at old chicago. cried bcuz everyone was pissing me off. then went to tony's till 12. went home.
.
sun:woke up. golden coral. saw dezzy. went home. left to see robots. laughed my ass of at that movie, went home. left to columbus. got first place. came home.
.
dylan sucks. kyle rules. phil is a GOD. in more ways then one. and im so HAPPY.

Fuck

i hate trevor, stina, andy, or david, and ppl that go to bed early and cant hear knocks on their windows and people who wont let you jump on your OWN side of a trampoline BY YOURSELF!

Fuck

i hate trevor, stina, andy, or david, and ppl that go to bed early and cant hear knocks on their windows and people who wont let you jump on your OWN side of a trampoline BY YOURSELF!

Woopa

ludo. yay. and postal service. im happy. KWICK KILLAH MILLAH! lmao. man, i rock. x a bagillion.
.
claire is staying the night tonight. she's coming over at 4:20, then we go to phil's at 4:30, then we're sneaking out to kwick killah millah's house when we get home. *kyle* lol. he lives by me. i had NO idea. tonight will rock. saturday, photos with alyssa. hanging out with jen. home. sunday, columbus. jesus, this day needs to end.
.
the color purple made me cry. alot.
.
i found callen's blog. haha. ive been wondering about him alot lately. ooooh, stina is an STD-ridden, Puss-covered, shitty mutt-bitch. haha. go die stina. we all hate you. especially brendan and i. oh, if you THINK you could kick my ass, say something to my god damn face. i said shit to your face and all you could say is w/e. we won't find on the internet or thru andy, mike and them. slut.
.
i miss england. and knickerbockers. and spaghetti Os.
.
i want an iRiver. damnit. well, i got current events to type and a game to play, fruistsmash *remember that matt?*
.
LOVES.
-Brittni
.
p.s. letter jackets rule. lol. you know who you are!

Postal Service

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
.
i like this band. last night: worked on phil's gift. did homeowrk. played soccer with bailey. jogged. came home, washed up and changed. went to old chicago. got home. phil called. pretended to go to bed and got started on my cross stitching project but i dont think itll turn out too well. friday, im leaving at 4:45 to phils. bacon cheeseburgers and idk what else. movies? the park? idk. i hope phil likes the food. tim too. shit. nevermind. i cant. no meat is allowd on friday. thanks hockey, thanks phils mom. stupid fucknuts. god fucking dammit. well, atleast i can see him. we all know his shitty mom wont let him hang out on sat, so i made plans with jen. and sunday i have hockey in columbus. sigh. p.o.s. life. oh well. i cant wait till oral comm today! g2g. loves.
.
<3 me

Stars Game

nana came over yesterday while i was attempting to cross stitch. that cross stitching thing will take forever! gah. anyways. her and i talked, dad and mike got home and then we left to the game. i had a bacon cheeseburger before the game. YUM. lol. in like, the first minute we scored. and then a few minutes later omaha scored. and it was like that. every time we scored, they scored. the goals werent that much of a big deal to me.....the refs tho. OMFG! GRRRRRRRRRR! x10. omaha would hit the stars players, or trip or slash and not get called on. one guy got away with hitting this guy with his stick, then slash, then trip and then he KICKED HIM IN THE STOMACH WHEN THE STARS GUY WAS DOWN! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL? no call. at all. an omaha guy tripped a lincoln player, and then lincoln tripped back and we got called for it. no 5min penalties. only two fights, one was a roughing and one was a delay of game. these guys behind us were yelling and i learned a new saying....IM BLIND, IM DEAF! I WANNA BE A REF! lmao. yeah!
.
today also made me quite pissed. today, we were told we got to see Happy Gilmore. then we were told it was gonna be Shrek or Shrek2. then, when we got it, it turns out, we were watching Hoosiers. OMFG. THAT OLD ASS PIECE OF SHIT STUPID CRAPPY ANCIENT WORTHLESS MOVIE?!?!!?!?!?! IF YOU'RE GONNA GIVE US A SPORTS MOVIE TO WATCH, GIVE US ONE ON A GOOD SPORT! LIKE 'MIRACLE'. OR AN ENTERTAINING SPORTS MOVIE LIKE 'REMEMBER THE TITANS' OR 'RUDY'. FUCK. god that makes me angry. so claire, kyle and i sat there and were half asleep or making fun of the movie. ive seen it before, in hoodrich. stupid. stupid. STUPID. god. before the movie i saw stina and her back was to me, and the people she was talking to (andy, david, mike and brendan) saw me and i pretended to hit her face into the table....so when i walked by her table again later that morning, she looked at me so i go 'ILL FUCKING KILL YOU BITCH!' and she said something like w/e or something like that so i go 'SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SKANK. ILL FUCKING KILL YOU' and i flipped her off. HA HA HA HA HA HA. FUCK YOU.
.
5 months. and still going. YAY. x100000 lol. go me. im happy. and i love you phil. so much. im so glad i introduced myself. lol. remember when you guys came over for my homecoming? and we listened to Ween? or when we first met and i was talking to you on the internet about being shy? lol. and you asked me out? ME BATMAN YOU ROBIN. lmao. or ummmm, nick at w.f. and wicker park? halloween? valentines day? lmao. i love you.
.
g2g. loves
-Brittni

Mirror Images

it's 1:18 and im finally in 5th period. today ROCKED! X100000 *a bigillion* lol. french for 30 mins, then english for five, then napoleon dynamite with connor, ellen and claire. then after the movie, we watched the wedding scene. LMAO. OMFG. lol. well, claire and i were talking about bowling bcuz of napoleon dynamite and we might ask for bumpers put on. lol. cuz we both suck. and i KNOW that if phil gets all the pins down he'll do the little kip thing and go YESSSSSTHHHHH! lol. and she doesnt wanna look bad in front of dylan. we talked about how the sledgehammer was made for dalton. lol. :D. im cheeky. then connor scooted and kyle miller sat by me and kyle cranor sat by claire. and we started to REwatch it. tomorrow HAPPY GILMORE! AND I WANT MY SAME SEATS. OR ILL CRRRYYYYY. and claire is sitting with me. lol. yay x10. last night i got all the shit i need to make one of phil's bday gifts and his easter gift. yay. and we went to old chicago. and i was pissed bcuz dad and mike wouldnt stop fighting. so dad sneaks the bottle of pepper seeds into my purse. lmao. it made me smile. i cried before dinner bcuz of tyler. i reeeeaaaallllllyyyyyy miss him. and i got two stories read to me last night before i went to bed. and still saying it. ....SAY 'WHATS FOR SUPPER!' lol. i even told kyle that when i shocked myslef from static electricity, that it wasnt a very fluffy thing to do. lmao. dont you love me? omg. tomorrow! TOMORROW. wow. 5 months. can you believe it? you know what i realised today on the bus? i could live alone in a field of flowers in a little house with phil, and as long as i had the esentials for living (food, water, heat, plumbing, electricity, music and furniture) then i would be living happy. oh. no winter. but still. it could just be me and him. and id be more then content. life would be GREAT. crayons ARE adorable. i played old maid this morning and made nick schwightz laugh. i wonder what happened to walker langel? im gonna ask sabrina next period. class is over in five. g2g. loves.

Advice

http://datingadvice4boys.blogspot.com/

April 14th

i downloaded teenage dirtbag instead of the lesbian song. dylan said he went to knicerbockers last night but didnt see me. and as much as i trust him, it seems odd. everyone is crowding around the teacher, which is good so i can focus on typing. which is good. x10. im gonna go to more concerts. bowling friday? columbus sat i hope cuz then on sunday, im cooking for phil. YAY. thats a first people. a fun first. im listening to the postal service. they rock. especially this song. i guess the killers are coming to omaha. i want phil to go with me. this song is something you can relax and smile to. and i love it. i have an idea for a weekend with phil. but i aint saying iit. sorry. i g2g for now. loves.

Im Happy

and content.for those of you who dont have iTunes and have codes PLEASE EMAIL ME. OR IM ME OR SOMETHING. there's two ludo songs i want and an anchondO song i want. im making mike listen to anchondO and ludo. im still smiling about last night when ludo played Hum Along. oh wow. last night was so much of what i needed. i cant even.....well, i cant. ya know? im makign mike listen to Goodwill Hunting By Myself. lol. man. phil's the tamborine/cowbell player in my band. lmao. hes such a cutie. omfg. i <3 this song. not as much as Hum Along. but still. everyone's in my room. and it doesnt bug me. bcuz im happy. so happy. so content. im kinda sad that phil is gone, but im praying that even tho hes with his grnadparents, hes thinking of last night and smiling. im sure he is. bcuz hes wonderful like that. better then a coin-operated boy. im smiling. slightly. without anything else going on. anything. just smiling. its amazing. my cheeks hurt from it. i need to get ready to leave super-soon. i dont wanna leave. well, im posting some hilarious-o lyrics. i love you phil. last night was so much fun! we need to do some concerts more often. jva release show in july!
.
Girl, I remember when we was sittin’ on your couch
Watchin’ Good Will Hunting, holdin’ hands and drinkin’ milkshakes
But milkshakes melt, people change, and you dumped me on my birthday
Right after I bought you that really expensive thing from the Body Shop
Called Jojoba Loofah Milktowel or something like that
That I sold 147 Cutco knives to afford, but whatever, hey, it’s cool
I’ve moved on you know, I’m happy now – well, happy in a crying sorta way
You know, curled up naked in the shower biting your knees wishing you were dead kinda happy
But I realized you were right, we were never meant to be
And you know what? Thank God
‘Cause you’re the most vapid, whiny blah I’ve ever met
Always making fun of my clothes, telling me how hot other guys are, asking me to pay you gas money?!
Buy your own gas you bug-eyed mooch – it’s your car and it costs more than my house
Oh and now you’re going around trying to sleep with my friends
Hey good, that really makes you an empowered individual – no wait, did I say empowered individual? I meant two-cent gutter slut
Listen you tanning-bed-baked, broke-ass, goat-faced, oompa-loompa monkey problem
I am proud to shop at Target, I’ll wear warm-up pants any day of the week
Yes, your ass did look fat in those jeans, your mom’s a M.I.L.F.
And I plan to get on your little sister just as soon as I give her a call back, oh and you know what else?
.
LMAO. i <3 you ludo! i <333 you. so much. you rock my face off. i need that cd. and daddy might buy me the hoodie since i need a new one.
.
loves to EVERYONE
-Brittni

Convo with Dr Danger

socIALd 4 9 j b: nice one! glad to see you like hpils shirt!
socIALd 4 9 j b: *phils
tarlowski: hehe
tarlowski: ;-)
socIALd 4 9 j b: i didnt know that was you. you look ALOT different from what i remember.
tarlowski: yeah
tarlowski: I was pretty tired
tarlowski: I just got up and came to the show
tarlowski: no shower
tarlowski: blah
tarlowski: nasty hat
socIALd 4 9 j b: so thats what i smelled
socIALd 4 9 j b: just playin
socIALd 4 9 j b: yeah, im so used to you being blonde, and it was weird. bcuz phil freaked when you wlaked by the first time. he was like HEY ITS DR. DANGER. lol. and then you commented on his shirt and it clicked inside my head
tarlowski: hehe
tarlowski: yeah I have blck hair
tarlowski: and Im waiting for it to grow out so I have blonde hair again
socIALd 4 9 j b: it was a shocker. then again, i havent really seen you since the 8th wave cd release of Store Bought Punks
tarlowski: dammmn
tarlowski: yeah
tarlowski: thats a llllloooooong time
tarlowski: ;-)
socIALd 4 9 j b: thats when i got your cd for free, from you. cuz i hugged you. you said 'you give good hugs, have a cd'
socIALd 4 9 j b: its been forever....and a day
tarlowski: haha
tarlowski: you need to be at the CD release in July
tarlowski: the new JVA record comes out
tarlowski: :-):-):-)
socIALd 4 9 j b: you have my word on it. for you
socIALd 4 9 j b: :-D
tarlowski: awesome
tarlowski: ;-)
tarlowski: Its gonna be great
socIALd 4 9 j b: im gonna hold YOU to that!
tarlowski: good
tarlowski: its gonna blow your mind
socIALd 4 9 j b: im gonna hold you to that too, and if my mind isnt blown........well, ill get phil to yell at you or something because im shit for threats.
tarlowski: hehe

LUDO = love

man. tonight was a night for all nights.

i miss knickerbockers. i love ludo even more. and ludo AND anchondo are on iTunes. MTDEW CAPS! HERE I COME! yayness. here's the highlights!

1)tim said racoon cock instead of racoon carcus. *sp*
2)i couldnt walk straight for about 15 minutes and was really giggly. andy and i danced the dance of the penguins! yay.
3)tim got hurt
4)dr danger/nick commented on phils shirt. i thought it was some loser that phil didnt know. i was right on part. lol. j/p. nick rocks. i miss his blondeness. apparently, he didnt shower b4 the show. i think is funny.
5)i saw a VA sticker on the sticker wall, along with saosin and trial by error. the tbe one is old tho.
6)tim got hurt again
7)phil and i sang/screamed Hum Along to each other, while looking at each other in the FACE. lol it was really cute. his voice isnt half bad. ludo made me laugh! lol.
8)danced to anchondO
9)got phil to shake it like shakira! YAY. finally.
10)i shook it BETTER then shakira
11) made tim tweek and scared the lead singer from ludo
12) walked to starbucks to get me some coffee, and this guy was by the theatre pretty much yelling at some girl shoving God down her throat. she had VERY good questions and he was like IS GOD IN YOUR HEART? IS HE IN YOUR HOME? YOU DONT AHVE TO GO TO HELL. so tim yells, YES I DO! THE PROPHESY SAYS SO! then we get coffe and walk back and i yell *jokingly of course* GOD SUCKS! PRAISE ALLAH. he yelled but i walked away.
13)andy made us laugh, i ran to catch up with dad and didnt get to hug adn kiss phil goodbye.

i like this song. and this one too.
p.s. i burned phil with my lighter. i kinda felt bad, but it made me happy. cuz itll prolly scar. i felt really really loved that he let me do it. i hope it doesnt bother him much.

...

YOU'LL BE A FUNKY FOOTNOTE ON MY EPIC ASS!

Mousse

i put mousse in phils hair. he had it thinned. its like, smoother, but i liked the poofiness. the poofiness made me think of the doors. i still <3 him, still think hes adorable and would still pull an 'allnighter' with him. lol.
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im downing all my antibiotics now with fanta. cuz they were suposed to be gone a few days ago.
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still tho.
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I ATTACKED PHIL WITH FANCY CITRUS MOUSSE. attack of the hair care products.
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the idea of tarlowski crawling into bed with another guy, and both of them thinking the other is some girl, and then nick ripping a huge fart at 7am IS JUST WRONG. but funny. but still wrong.
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their eyes were watching god is on abc this sunday. SWEET.
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those nights i cried myself to sleep. and the fact that im still alive to feel your arms around me and your hand on my cheek is worth every aching moment inbetween. your hand was warm, my face cold and i think i can guess as to why. my heart was beating extra fast and i tried to calm down to savor the moment. your arms are like clouds of heaven and i squeeze tighter here and then to let you know i never want you to let go. please dont ever let go.
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you should write me back!

Inside

grr at pius.
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inside jokes. dont ask.
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EVIL SANTA. stanky breath. GIVE ME MY PONY! PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY. lmao. ummm, my eyes! caffine guy. MY EYE IS TERRIBLY BLOOD SHOT.
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pocket protector. funky figners.
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i love josh hinman. i wish he was my brother.

Absolution

you know, my whole life ive gone about thinking guys cant feel passion or compassionate emotions. i always thought they were lying. always. and id tell myself that it was true but it still surprised me. and i still usually get surprised until i realised.....phil isnt like that. he wouldnt write about holding me if i hadnt brought it up....and i didnt, and he did. i feel SO loved. i want to see him and hug him so hard and never let go. just cry and sleep.
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knickerbockers tonight. and tomorrow. phil's going with tomorrow. tonight im gonna try to go with angel.
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i found a men's advice blog. just incase mike or der...well, not derek, ummm, matt might wanna read? idk. it seems pretty decent. i just gotta find the link. damn.
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fish for lunch......DAMMIT. math homework, finish my french project, and so far, thats it. except to start on my novel. i really need to work on it. anyone have any ideas for it? itll be a journal type novel. Diary of a Teenage Loser. sound cool? well, throw some idea around. loves.
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p.s. i <333 kylie. and the song chocolate.

Chocolate

Fragile seams, I opened up too quick and all my dreams, Were walking out I'd
slowly, Lost my fire, With every single man a river cried, I had no
sensation, Completely numb, left with no satisfaction, I thought no-one
could ever get me high again, I swear, I was not looking, Oh, waited so
long, I thought the real thing was a fake, I thought it was a tool to break
me down, You proved me wrong again, If love were liquid it would drown me,
In a placeless place would find me, In a heart shape come around me and
then, Melt me slowly down, If love were human it would know me, In a lost
space come and show me, Hold me and control me and then, Melt me slowly
down, Like chocolate, Tastes so good, My heart's been mended who'd have
thought it would, An empty bet and still I won the cash, A man who I love
and who, Loves me back, Oh, waited so long, For love to heal me so I'd feel
it, Thought it wasn't breathing then you came, You proved me wrong again,
Like chocolate come here, Zoom in, catch the smile, There's no doubt it's
from you, And I'm addicted to it now, Just one look boy to melt me down,
Just one heart here to save me now, Your candy kisses are sweet I know, Hold
me tight baby don't let go, Just one look boy to melt me down, Just one
heart here to save me now, Your candy kisses are sweet I know, Hold me tight
baby don't let go.

Helena

i hate my chemical romance. but i <3 this song it reminds me of me and phil. something phil would say. i hate interpreting lyrics, but im going to interpret my opinion of the lyrics. if im wrong (tim) dont correct me. ignorance is bliss.
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Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight
she keeps going, keeps living. and her personality kinda ruins everyone around her, whether she tries or not. she hurts those she loves, breaks their heart or stabs them in the back. and she knows this. and so does he.
Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight
she's depressed, sad, and realizes all the depression in the world. she cries for herself and for the fact that she cant seem to be happy for more then fleeting moments.
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
he loves her. but she hurts him. and no matter what, he's gonna stay with her and then he says so long and goodnight and hangs up the phone. things are better if he stays. so long and goodnight is how he kinda mocks her and is letting her know that hell be there tomorrow.
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that's my idea anyways. it reminds me of phil and i. doesnt it sound like us? i think so.
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im so insanely jealous of those cute adorable happy couples holding each other in the morning, smiling, kissing. i hate it. they need to make PDA illedal in schools. WHY CANT YOU GO TO LNS? god fucking damnit. i hate it. it makes me cry. alot. alot x 100000. im so alone at school. im so unlike everyone. i feel like screaming. i need to but i cant. i want to run and hide and throw everything in site. i want to die still.
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plz tell me he hasnt left.

Whimper

im so scared. so very scared. like paranoid. all i could ever ask for is within his heart. plz god, dont let me ruin it. plz. i just want to be with him. im so afraid, so afriad. dont say so long. dont say goodnight. i know im messed up. i know im a bitch. but i need you. do you need me too? dont leave. plz. plz. does crying work for you? will my tears convince you of my needs? PLEASE GOD, PLEASE KEEP HIM WITH ME. IF ITS THE LAST THING YOU DO. PLEASE. please.

Crescent Moon

i wanted coffee so badly. mr barnacle performed wonderfully. wow. he is a genius.
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i still fear that phil and i are dirfting. still. ive been crying.
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my hand and wrists hurt. alow. damnit.
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ice cream for breakfast tomorrow. no ingred during lunch today.
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i want to die. bcuz i miss you. so much. id give anything to fall asleep in your arms.

Grandma

2)Grandma's getting spayed.
3)I just kicked Grandma down the stairs.
4)Grandma doesn't like this brand of cat food.
5)Grandma coughed up a hairball.
6)Grandma shit in the litterbox today.
7)Grandma hissed at me.
8)Grandma's addicted to catnip.
9)Grandma's frisky.
10)Grandma is licking herself.

see if you cant figure out who grandma is. if you figure it out, ill give you a cookie.

ACDC

i can play an acdc song. rock n roll aint noise pollution. im attempting thunderstruck but im really slow. dad embarassed me when i was playing it. phil was on speakerphone and i was playing it for him and dad, and dad had to go and be an ass. im so horrible at guitar. so terribly horrible.
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im taking an Arts and Communication academy next year. my whole schedule will be based around communication classes. but when i filled out my pre-said schedule for next year i asked for latin. they tried to give me Human Behavior and Economic Perspective. wtf? I WANT LATIN GOD DAMNIT. my hoodie smells like burnt antibiotics.
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im happier. andy, mike, david and brendan are kind of accepting me. thye used to shun me alot. i really like them. they rock my face off. i <3 them. i want to hang out with them, but i cant play video games. i say laser quest sometime. andy thinks stina is mad at him but he wont say why.
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i <3333 breaking benjamin. i have their old cd but never listened to it.
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|D|O|R|K|F|I|S|H| my anti-drug
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35 mins till lunch. what to eat.....ice cream, chips and soda. maybe skittles.
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lps internet system wont let me access the gwg site. bcuz of PORNOGRAPHY. WTF?!?!?! im gonna shove a white hot curling iron up the virgin ass of the lps school board and then gouge their eyes out with burning-oil covered forks. bitches. i hate lps.
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i also hate mcr but their new song is so awesome. grrrr.
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when is dr.danger gonna become a sub? WHEN. i want him to sub for one of my classes, idc which. prolly english. or maybe creative writing, but he wouldnt talk to me, hed talk to lainey-cakes. maybe oral comm. him, kelli and i could talk. i met him when i was with kelli. that would rock! I WANT DR.DANGER AS A SUB. sad thing is, id call him that too. Mr. Tarlowski seems surreal. lol.
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i had a dream last night. half of the kids in my french class were at my house. we were eating piroutte cookies and drinking wine and chambord martinis. half the time, we spoke in french and i knew what they were saying. i recieved a package, full of easter candy and my dessert lipgloss set. from mom. i put on the bubblegum flavor. it tastes good and i told someone Donnez-moi un baise. lol. oops. i dont know who he was tho. blonde shaggy hair. tall like tyler but his voice wasnt as scratchy. it was a smooth voice. BRIGHT green eyes. i think i know who, but he takes spanish.
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im gonna attmept to put a Ludo support banner on my site. derek, if it looks funny. fix it PLEASE. thanks in advance.
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i love you phil. more then anything. ever. i also love mike, derek, and martin. NO MORE ALCOHOL. OR WEED. damnit.
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loves
Brittni

Home

it worked. i think dad knew i needed a day to sleep in. im glad he didnt pester me about it. i got my french writing typed up. now i have to write it all out in calligraphy pen and india ink. which means 2 hours. damnit. im so napping. im gonna print some chambord pics. and some of some ppl and crap like that. i had a good day. i watched spongebob. the movie. OH YEAH. the ending is so kickass! SPONGEBOB IS A GUITAR GOD! WOOT! oh man....
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anyways, we are being forced to attend school for 2 hours to do nothing. nothing. for two hours. while the idiots test bcuz they're too stupid to get the test right the first time. sigh. i hate the fucking school admin. DIE CUNTHOLES!
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grr at phil. his love for ac/dc has me listening to them without being forced to. sigh. what am i coming to? hmm? problem is.....im enjoying it. shoot me....plz.
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i cried today. im still worried about phil and i but derek put it into words. idk. he basically said what phil has been trying to say. 'maybe he likes the fact that you're different. maybe he likes that you're not a preppy bitch, otherwise he would be dating one. he loves you. and he wants to be with you, hes just confused about what you guys are going through but hes sticking with you.' those werent his EXACT words but you get the main idea. i <3 you derek. thank you. you made me feel better. but i cried alot today bcuz i realised how mean ive been, how nasty ive been and how i want to change so badly. i love phil so much. and im so sorry.
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never take a lighter to an antibiotic pill. IT SMELLS NASTY......like, well, like meghans cunt! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! j/p. i wouldnt know. but it was funny.
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too bad i didnt get to see Ingred today. lol.
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loves
-Brittni
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p.s. brittni - why is there a telephone booth outside their house?
phil - idk, dont question them, they're iowans. we're in iowa.
brittni - oh yeah huh?
phil and brittni - *LAUGHS*

Longo thing

this is gonna be long. bear with me.
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The Basics

What's your name? Brittni

Birthplace~ Iowa *thanks phil*

Age- 16

Current location ~ Lincoln, NE

Eye color~ Blue

Hair color~ Auburn/Red

Zodiac sign?~ Scorpio

Height? ::: 5'5''


Straight/Gay/Bi: Bi

Single~ No

Birthday~ Nov 20


Pets~ yes 2 cats and a dog


Piercings: one in each ear, and kinda my navel

Obsessions: phil, reading, drawing, poems


Do you hate yourself~ very much so, i hurt people too much.

Bad habits~ self mutilation, making mistakes and hurting phil


Do you ever pretend to be someone else to be cool: no

Passive or Agressive: i can be an extremity of both


If you could change one thing what would it be- self mutilation




*Have you ever*

Hurt youself: yes


Been out of country: yes

Been in love: YES

Drank Alcohol: hell yeah

Ran away from home- nope

Gotten beaten up: nope. i kicked her ass


Thought about suicide: yes, sadly

Pulled an all nighter: too many times recently


Talked on the phone all night: yes, otoski

Slept all day: nope


Thought you were going crazy: too many times

Been betrayed: once again, way too many times


Had a dream that came true: nope

Stolen: since i was 6

Been on tv: yuppers




Do you...

Smoke~ weed? on very special occassions

Cuss ~ fuck yeah

Sing well~ my voice is horrible

Sing in the shower~ no

Talk to yourself ~ i try


Play an instrument~ learning bass


Want to go to college? UNL, Duke, and Cambridge

Want to get married~ *nods*

Want to have children? ~ 2


Think you're a health freak? ~ Nope, i eat junk food.

Get along with your parents~ almost all the time


Get along with your siblings? ~ hell no


In the past month have you..

Gone out of state~ iowa baby!


Drank alchohol- nopers


Smoke ~ no

Eaten an entire box of oreos~ i dont like oreos

Been on stage~ no

Gone skinny dipping~ No

Been dumped~ No

Dyed your hair~ yes

Stolen anything~ money from dad




*Beliefs*

God: yes

Satan: no

Santa: yes

Ghosts: yes

Luck: no

Love at first sight: yes *knickerbockers baby*

The good cant exist without the bad: yes

Wishes on stars: yes



*Friends*

Best friend: derek chmiel
One person who knows the most about you- phil luebbert

Favorite inside joke: the wizard of oz will make it happen


Friends you miss being close to~ mike, claire, alyssa, and andy


Who do you fight most with: stina

Do you feel understood- nope. dont even TRY to understand me...phil.....i wont forgive you




*Love*

Do you consider love a mistake: HELL FUCKING NO!


Turn-on: biting, tickling, lusty eyes, whispers, shaggy hair, qotd soundtrack and willingness

Turn-off: too much talking, too mcuh shyness, lying, hurting me


Have you every been attracted to some one unattractive: jared skinner for a while. yucky.




*Last person*

You wanted to kill: phils mom and juvy


You went shopping with? dad


Made you cry: me/phil


Brightened up your day: phil, mike and derek


You thought about: phil


Talked to on the phone: phil


You saw: does Butters count?

You missed: phil




*Right at this moment*

What are you wearing? happy bunny pants, and punisher hoodie


What are you worried about: phil, phil's wellbeing and if my plan is working

Bored: tired


Lonely or Content: lonely


Listening to music: sadly



Describe*

Your hair~kinda wavy, but i straighten it. brown with LOTS of red tint.

Your fears~ spiders, phil leaving me, being alone



What is/are

Words you overuse~ fuck, shit, bitch, jackass


Phrases you overuse~ 'I dont know'

Your first thought when you wake up~ will i get to see him today?


Your greatest accomplishments- phil, act scores, staying alive


Something you want to do- eat ice cream, sleep, see phil, cry, and eat some more food




This or that

Pepsi or Coke~ Pepsi

McDonald's or Burger King~ McDonalds

Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera~ stina aquilera


Chocolate or vanilla~ vanilla

Adidas or Nike~ Adidas

Black or white~ black

Rock or rap : ROCK




The Last...

Last dream you had ~ i was living im fountainebleu
Last nightmare~ phil left me, i woke up crying

Car ride~ yesterday

Last time you cried~ this morning


Last movie seen~ the notebook


Last movie rented~ the notebook and spongebon

Last book read- pandora/warrior marks. im reading both


Last thing said- i dont wanna go to school


Last curse word said~ jackass

Last time you laugh ~ talking to phil about Ingred


Last phone call~ phil

Last CD played~ Cigarettes, Welcome to My Life


Last song you listened to~ pretty girl

Last annoyance~ butters

Last person you hugged~ phil


Last person you yelled at~ dad

Last time you wore a skirt~ when phil came over that one time. idk


Last time you've been evil~ right now?

Last time you fought with your parents~ yesterday, mom and i, till she bribed me
Last time you wished upon a star~ last night.

Played Truth or Dare- my party




-- Randomness

Do you feel lonely~ ys, phil's not here


Ever TP'd someone's house? bryce....kinda


How about egging someone's house~ no, but there's plans

Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? i like eminem


Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you?~ yes, and i attempted it too.

What do you think of George Bush? hick ass, dumbfuck


How many languages do you speak?~ 1.5

Glad this is over?~ kinda. not really.

Scars

sigh. i want to die again. more now then ever.
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im a royal bitch. ive never gotten that angry in a fight. i usually break down and pretend things. i usually lie and tell them what they want to hear. which means, idk. i eventually broke down last night. i broke down and confessed about how much i hate the way i am and that i would change if i could.....but i cant. ive been trying for three years, the battle isnt still being fought.....it ended a long time ago. im still trying, but it just hurts alot.
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im so sorry.
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will you ever forgive me phil?
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its cold in here. i shouldnt be here. my temp is raising even with the freezing temperature of the school. ITS WINTER. WHY IS THE AC ON? sigh. my stomach hurts and i REALLY dont think ill be able to eat without my food coming back up. my head is burning and it feels like white-hot hammers are pounding on the inside of my head. my eyes are still puffy and red from last night. denys is mad at me for me being stupid. im not even wearing foundation today. just eyeliner and mascara. WTF. if im not wearing makeup....something is wrong. and something IS wrong. i took a turn for the worst last night when i heard that drawer open. i may be hypocritical.....BUT I DONT CARE. i need a shot of vicadin and a day at home. then when i wake up, lots of vivarin. im so sorry.
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thank you mike for being there for me thru this....i know im dumb and stuborn about all this, but you were a great help. you were the only one to make me smile today.
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god this day sucks. i woke up at 6:30!!!!!!!!!!! wtf? dad didnt even call and wake me up. i slept till just after my bus left. grrrrrrrrrrrr. i am soooo angry with myself right now. i need to go to the nurse and have dad take me home. tomorrow, im gonna sleep thru my bus and call dad and say my temp is REALLY high. and stay home. and sleep.
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im sorry.

Photo Attempt