possum

POSSUM-HUMPER

Matt

ApeEscape456: lol
ApeEscape456: ok
ApeEscape456: il say that
socialD 49 J B: no
socialD 49 J B: i am
socialD 49 J B: thats my word
socialD 49 J B: dont steal my creativity damnit
socialD 49 J B: ITS MINE
ApeEscape456: dah
socialD 49 J B: MUAHAHAHAHHA
ApeEscape456: ok
ApeEscape456: whatever
ApeEscape456: im confsued
ApeEscape456: moausgashgdweo0rngeqrpgv
socialD 49 J B: *runs away in circles and falls in toilet*
socialD 49 J B: bye
ApeEscape456: *shuts toilet lid*
socialD 49 J B: *flushes*
socialD 49 J B: WEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ApeEscape456: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Gabe

so. i hung out with gabe newman today. i couldnt be happier but i couldnt mroe depressed. cuz ive liked him since seventh grade and at that time i never thought hed give me the time of day. and we dated for a few weeks but it wasnt much of a relationship. we only saw each other twice while we dated. ever since then ive been praying for a chance to truly date him and show himthat i could care about him. i would think aobut him on random nights or whenever i would listen to social d or rancid or even gc. or when id wear my bondage pants or see someone with green hair. ive always been thinking about him. and now, well, we were kissing. and he's a little shy, but once you kiss him hes forward. and he's so soft about everything but still bites a little. and, i think he likes me. i cant tell. bcuz, he was so sweet to me and would tell me so many things, but idk, im gonna call him tongiht.
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stina stayed the night last night. it was so funny. we found all these notes that andy and casey and toasty wrote. casey's, on the outside said 'Plz dont drop me' plain and clear. lol. and i feel really bad about it, but it was so cute. the one andy wrote made stina and i cry. lol. and we were laughing so much. and we went to subway and she had a meatball sb. and two meatballs fell from her sandwhich so i go 'dude, ur balls dropped' lol. it was fucking hilarious. and my minds on gabe.
.
Down with men
Up with chocolate
Up with sex
Up with hot showers in candlelight lsitening to sad love songs
Up with sad love songs
Up with soda
Up with food
Up with hugs
Up with emo songs, and rancid
Up with sleep and soft pillows
Up with crying
Up with love

evil

I am 93% evil.

I came up from hell just to take this test! I am absolutely pure seething evil!

Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

Ashley

ive spent the last few days with ashley and in fact, thats really made me happier. im kinda in a bad spot. i mean, callen means so much to me, and i love him for who he is, but he has a little dependancy problem. i cant have five minutes peace without having to leave the house. and if i take too long to call back bcuz im watching tv or cleaning he freaks out like somethings wrong. so im kinda depressed bcuz i feel so held back.
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ive also been riding around with mark alot. and he has a lot of answers to my problems. im glad he's there, and, as weird and gangter-ish as ashley is, im glad shes been there too. im glad school's starting, ill be busy and have thigns to do. but.....i wont see many friends cuz all my friends are completely different from me. atleast ill see ash and stuff since shes by me. ill have pictures on my locker. and im getting ready and putting all my stuff in my locker. i need tape tho. its a good thing they hand out our schedules tomorrow morning. i forgot mine. lol. or lost it or w/e. and our planers. lol. which, of course, ill draw all over and then lose.
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mark told me how he loved lindsey today. man, that totally stabbed me in the tepmle with a fire poker. i know i should be focusing on callen, *i still love you so if you throw a fit about this ill be off the edge with anger* and well, i mean, this guy whos meant so much to me in so little time, one of my best friends, was fucking in love with lindsey joplin. the one girl who ruined my life. took away my only friend, which put me in caps. she talked more shit about me then kyle k, been, andy, david, shay e, and the rest of the preppy guys did put together. she treated me like shit. kicked me in the face pretty much and was the one person who i really wanted to kick the shit out of. god damnit. fuck you wellbutrin. i fucking hate this fucking drama.
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i saw mrs musiel today at hy-vee. and david destafano. that made me smile. and, umm, i met vince and madison today, some of ashley's friends. they're cool. and i met kelsey burt for the first time. that was an experience. we were talking about jared. he made me blush. he goes 'i knew jared had decent taste but damn, he had a fine girl, whyd he drop you?' lol. then he was like 'he boned you! aw shit! lucky bitch' lol. it was so funny. his mom is awesome. and he was saying how sweet he is cuz he sang to ashley. awwww. lol.
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im very depressed right now. i think im having an episode. but i dont know how to spot mine so i guess im not sure. i think i am. if school wasnt starting id prolly be in caps. everything just seems to be going wrong. idk. im just, sigh. fucked. i guess. im fucked. screwed over and pissed. my ankle is more fucked then i thought. and my teeth hurt. i feel bad about what i said about callen earlier in this post but, i mean, fuck, its the truth and either way i would have had to say it, either in caps or now. if he takes it badly, itll fuck me over even more and i wouldnt want to hear it. im hoping he understands. i mean, if he loves me, and trusts me, hed be able to give me my space for a little while and take it nicely. i mean, i could be so much more mean.
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well, dad's down here so i ahve to stop typing cuz i type loudly. ttyl.
.
Brittni
.

Aeroplane

Chorus:
I like pleasure spike with pain
and music is my aeroplane
It's my aeroplane
Songbird sweet and sour Jane
and music is my aeroplane
It's my aeroplane
Pleasure spike with pain
that mother fucker always spike with pain
I
Looking in my own eyes "hello"
I can't find the love I want
Someone better slap me
Before I start to rust
Before I start to decompose
Looking in my rearview mirror
Looking in my rearview mirror
I can make it disappear
I can make it disappear "have no fear"
Repeat chorus:
Sitting in my kitchen "hey girl
I'm turning into dust again
My melancholy baby
The star of mazzy mus
tPush her voice inside of me
I'm overcoming gravity
I'm overcoming gravity
It's easy when you're sad to be
It's easy when you're sad "said 'bout me"
Repeat chorus:
Just one note
Could make me float
Could make me float away
One note from
The song she wrote
Could fuck me where I lay
Just one note
Could make me choke
One note that's
Not a lie
Just one note
Could cut my throat
One note could make me die

Pain

talk about a masochist's favorite day. my legs are all cut up and burned to hell in the shower. i knicked myself about five times while shaving. and then hit my head on the shower head. and then fell on my ass in the shower also. i changed and fell against my bed when pulling on my pants and hit my head on the bar. by then, after hearing that mark's car got totalled *i love that car* i was in the worst state of mind. i tripped and skinned my legs all to hell on cement stairs. i also ruine dmy new shoes. DAMNIT! and then, lets see, got elbowed, kicked, punched, slapped and clawed in the head atleast once in the time span of two hours. walked outside with ashley and kept stepping on glass and sharp objects while telling her how depressed i am bcuz of men. and went to wlak inside my house and hit my head sharply *very fucking sharply* against the croner part on the screen door. i cussed and pushed my dog away so she knawed at my cuts and skinned ankle. so i went upstairs and trying to get a handful of ibuprofen to take every fucking thing away and i hit my head on the cabinet when opening it and closing it. and then fell off my chair when i tried to sit down.
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to add insult to injury, i tripped in front of mark. on the cement stairs. FUCK!
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so right now i feel like shit, im breaking down most likely. i dotn want to talk to anyone but mark. and he wont call cuz i think hes mad at me. and like, last night he was all, nice and stuff even tho jeff was bugging both of us. and now, hes all quiet. and kinda angry at alot of thigns ppl say. prolly cuz his car. i hope so. oh well right? atleast it stopped raining. i need a nap and all that ibuprofen is kicking in. so im gonna go watch tv, maybe cry alot, drink some hot tea and breakdown and keep myself from taking wellbutrin again. dont bother tlaking to me cuz i only want to speak with mark, only hed understand.
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Brittni
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p.s. helicobacter didnt directly cause the peptic ulcer, the results of the infection from the h.pylori made the ulcer. damn im smart!

Derek

DAMN YOU. butthole. did you download that song you poser? lol. j/k but seriously. im trying to download that song. along with the newer one and im soo depressed that it wont work. p.s. what do you mean 'wonder' about me? lol. make me blush, well, ill get revenge some how.

Des Moines

i am so fucking shitty right now. callen and i got into a fite and he cut himself so i did too. ill post a picture on here *with derek's help of course* and show you all my cuts. *plz dont im me and say how i shouldnt do it and your sorry and what not, i will ignore it* and i took too many wellbutrin *my old meds that put me in the hospital* so ive been a bitch all weekend and everyone pissed me off. and then, i finally get up the courage to go to the pool *ouchies for the cuts rite?* and there was so many ppl that i was very self concious about my tummy and i hadnt shaved for *one* day. and i was just so nervous bcuz my boobs are too big and i cant find a swimsuit to fit me and im so fucking fat you couldnt believe it *plz, once again, dont im me and tell me how 'pretty' i am and what not, few people have convinced it of me including my aunty thing , dani's mom* and i was just so fucking shy to get in there. when i about did, these two college guys got in the hottub and so did this really really pretty girl. she was tan, blonde, skinny, and just so pretty. so i put on my pj pants and walked out. nana was pissed bcuz i woudnt talk and mike was about to laugh. GOD DAMNIT. im so pissed again. so i went to the second floor and then sat in a fucking corner for about an hour and a half and just cried and cried and cried. i was so pissed at myself. i couldnt please my family and i couldnt be who i thought i should be. so i had a very shitty nite.
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i did have many laughs. the feces thing. and we were all taking in heluim from the balloons at granite city. and that was hilarious. and dinner was ok. the waitress dropped a wing on the floor. lol. and umm, we got SOAKED on the river rage raft ride thingy. we were soaked. literally. ive never gotten that wet. until today cuz EVRY fucking little kid was trhowing ballons at me *water balloons* and dumping buckets of water on me. and even callen and jason and tony were getting me wet. and the pie uncle wayne made was delicious. you can send text messages online to cricket users from the cricket website. well. i dont have much else to say except jordan might do a tattoo and i DONT want callen there. hed freak out, seeing me in pain and would not trust the people who are doing it. so fuck that. im sorry callen but you HAVE to understand otherwise well end up having a big understanding.
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love you guys.
ttyl
-Brittni

Sneak

im a sneaky little bitch. heliobacter pylori. his h.pylori level in his blood count is too high, thats why he's taking the prevpac. helicobacter pylori. good thing he dotn read this shit. lol. daddy says its good i know this incase something happens. peptic ulcer disease. i feel so bad. good thing hes taking meds.


DAMN IM NOSY!

Cutting

i really wish some of you fuckers would understand. none of you do. derek tried, and he deserves the world for it. the rest of you just say 'no dont do it, i cant stand to see you in pain' well fuck all of you! FUCK YOU. DO YOU HEAR ME? IM GIVING YOU THE FINGER RIGHT NOW. **derek, i have a picture for you to post** im not allowd to do something that rids the worst pain of all *self hatred* and you expect me to take it kindly when you do? without fucking calling? dude. YOU KNOW MY DAD'S CELL NUMBER. ugh. i should cut, all over, everywhere, just to pay you back. matt was the one who told me to read ur blog too. i cried. thanks alot. ruin my fucking weekend. GOD DAMNIT. I DONT WANNA SAY IM YOURS. NOT WHEN YOU TREAT ME LIKE THIS. FUCK!
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matthew charles schock, i swear to god if you tell me to keep my shit together i will fucking cut off your balls and replace them with raisins.
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derek hasnt talked to me much, he has school. and callen's being a depressed fuckhead. and im a total bitch. got any questions? bcuz my life sucks! but, im dying my highlights pink! WOOT AND SUCH! and im listening to counting crows *thanks david* damn you. dad bought me post mortem by patricia cornwell which will keep me occupied during the drive so i dont start singing Baby Shark. lol. im trying to be happy. so dont shoot me ok? im fucking depressed. derek's post made me a little happy. its good to see people staying themselves. unlike how im able to be. damnit. fuck this shit. i fucking hate all of it. FUCK YOU.

Last Nite

i stayed the night with ashley last nite. hung out with jeff and mark (old friends) and some other random guys i dont like. jeff and mark are so cool tho. it was so much fun. im running on very very minimal sleep. im so very tired. and hungry. i want to eat an egg. on toast. or maybe, burger king chicken samich.
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derek and i talked today. and it was very personal. i was crying and what have you and he listened and told me not to cry. it was very sweet. i feel bad for him having to see me cry. i prolly ruined every chance of meeting him.
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ive been thinking about life a lot lately. i cant remember most things but some have amde me cry. i think its just a relaly bad bipolar episode and if it wasnt for des moines this weekend id be in caps for a few days. callen and mark wouldnt like that. either would derek. he might miss me.
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i ahve nothing else to say. bye

Angst

i feel like a total shithead. honestly. i do. even tho i prolly shouldnt to some degree. i feel bad, i should have called callen today. and yesterday. but i should be able to hang out with friends. idk. im really confused on how to feel right about now. i do know, that at this moment, im ready to cry. callen isnt happy. at all. and he wont say why *i know he knows* and he wont talk about anything else.
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i hardly spoke with derek today. hopefully hell be on early tomorrow since i have to babysit. but, hes back and i got to talk to him so im ok till tomorrow.
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donnie is very sweet and caring. he didnt make a move on me or try anything funny. im very happy for that. especially being afraid for the sake of my body bcuz of brandon *whom i think could end up raping me if i dont get help soon* and shit like that. donnie offered to help and so did matt. and callen. so idk who to go to. donnie's got the buil, matt's got the anger and callen's got the care and respect.
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g2g to bed. wwtomorrow. loves
.
.Brittni.

Brandon

dude. im really fuckign sick of brandon snyder. I WONT SLEEP WITH HIM. I DONT LIKE HIM. fuck. this is really fucking scaring me. he wont go away. he's been at my door for almost 20 mintues now. i cant leave my seat. im scared. seriously. and then, he like, calls at 10 am and goes 'come over' when he knows i wont come over, especially when i just got up. i will not spend time with him. i dotn like him. and of course, all he wants is sex. this is really fucking scary. so, of course, i call upon jordan. *jordan, if you read this, thank you soooo much* and then donnie who i plan to call to get me away from the house. from his scary ass. *brandon's ass not donnie's* so yeah, im pretty much scared shitless. so, im gonna go get ready and call donnie. bye guys.

Butters

ok, so i go to write my post right? and i hear the softest meow. so i searched everywhere and found my butters outside. silly kitty.
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anyways. derek's back. yay! the bumlicker. lol. i thought i saw him at the ribfest but i realised the kid i saw, his cheeks werent chubby enough and he never smiled so it couldnt be derek. lol. damn him and his smiles.
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i didnt talk to callen at all last night. or yesterday for that matter. one of the very very few and rare days. maybe thats why i couldnt sleep, cuz my day was incomplete. i love you callen.
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jc chasez *as i tagged on derek's blog* has the bounciest fucking hair ive ever seen. seriously. its bigger than my mom's when she was pregnant with me *and that was in the 80's man* and thats big. really big. and its all bouncy. like, you cant watch anything but his damn bouncy hair. it needs to get outta the way. its interupting my dancing and what not. crazy ass jc and his crazy ass hair.
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i got up at seven this morning. WOOHOO. not. i meant to get up at eight. cuz i thought derek would be online. but no, he was on at 1. when i was in my room trying to decide if i should get online or not. i was afraid dad might hear me so i didnt. god damnit.
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i put gems around my tv. like on the black border of the literall tv box. there is now randomly colored gems and its really pretty. the reason i bought the gems tho was to put them on the flat circles meant for coins on the two-headed dragon sculpture that callen bought me. i glued rhinestones all over the bottom and a red one on its paw. it's really pretty and it livens up the scultpure and makes it easier on the eyes. i might even be able to fixate a candle holder on its back. idk tho. ive messed with it enough already.
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well im hungry and the bumlicker we know as derek isnt getting online so im leaving o eat and play THE HOBBIT *dun dun dun*
loves to most
.Brittni.

Bamboo Flute

im in a chinese state of mind right now. ive had chinese or 'wanted' chinese almost every night for the aps few weeks. and im listening to bamboo flute music which is exciting and relaxing all at once. and, i found the PERFECT HOMECOMING DRESS. idk if i want to talk about it bcuz of the few girls that read this. but, callen and derek, ill tell you guys. but omg, it fits me so well, its cheap and it'll look dazzling and sexy and stunning and alluring all at the same time!
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can you imagine WATCHING your vehicle burn? wouldnt that fucking suck? when i was driving home today from nana's and dad had already picked me up, we were heading towards lincoln and *oddly enough* passed a few fire trucks on the way and thought nothing of it. soon we saw smoke. tons of it. i thought it was a machine working on the roads. but soon enough we realised that there was a HUGE car fire. we all slowed down and when i watched, everything slowed down. time did. and i watched as the fire just ate away everything that that vehicle was. it was terrible. but yet, cool. i mean, if it had been a random car that wasnt cared for. but it was kinda cool.
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at the nebraska crossroads outlet thing, nana let me drive until dad got there. and even then, i parked next to him. i did beautifully. my turns were perfect and my speed and reverse parking was great.
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i played tennis and my serves suck! literally. my returns were ok but i cant follow through. i need a tennis partner for practice tho.
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havent talked to callen all day. or derek. oh well. loves
-Brittni

Glenwood

my heart beat is now beating against my ribs. and it feels like my ribs are being bashed outward by a hammer. and i cant breathe. and now its over. that lasted about three minutes. and it sucked. gasping for air and what have you.
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once your blog becomes public, you cant post anything about how you feel without pissing someone off. well, tonight im letting loose. hear it goes people.
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i am still very depressed over mike harring. him and i never had much at all. but i treasured him none the less. and the smallest amount of care he had for me is now thrown aside to make room for stina so that he may bow down to her feet and kiss her precious fucking toes. mike and i saw harry potter 1 and 2 (NOT 3) and pirates of the carribbean and lotr 3 together. thats it. and never once did he ever make such a fuss out of it or remember anything about it except the movie. i was even cast aside for andy when the harry potter tradition came to question. god forbid we think of brittni's fucking feelings for once. *which is something, ive been noticing has not been happening lately* never once did mike tell me how amazing i looked. and along with that, i never asked. i was too afraid to seem vain. so fuck you michael. thanks for nothing.
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the only people i really feel close to lately is Callen and derek. a boy who is actually, very unlike me and a guy who lives in mccook which does me alot of good hug wise. which reminds me. callen......derek and i are not an item.....so calm down. the last thing i need when im feeling like this is you on my case about a friend of mine. sigh. drama. thats all my life fucking is. i cant relax for five minutes without something poking me in the back with a sharp metal fire-hot poker and either needing me or doing something negative to me. damn you metal poker guy thingy. fucknut.
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i left my bamboo flute music at home which isnt relaxing me while its way over there. and either is the lotion that i left there. or the imaginary massuese that took a vacation. lol. im afriad to say that it could be raining cuz then it will rain.
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my story sucks nuts. even with the fact that its a switch over of povs from another plot line. hopefully the other wont mind. since my writing skills suck more nuts then shannon fischer.
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on the way here i was sleeping and had the weirdest dream about callen, derek, waffles, and a printer. but i cant remember the plot or anything. fuck. but i woke up to hear ryan snore. soon after i saw a raccoon. MY FIRST RACCOON SIGHTING. omg. lol. and my uncle told me a story about in des moines, when he lived there, there was a raccoon who had rabbies and hed try to climb this tree and then hed wabble and fall off. and when hed recover a few seconds later hed be all disgruntled and pissed and what have you so he made werid ass noises and my uncle did the best impression of a disgruntled raccoon ever.
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im off now. loves. *not that anyone reads this but callen, derek and martin.
..::brittni::..

The 13th

its friday the thirtienth. bonnie and charlie (hurricanes) have turned florida into shreds of thinnly sliced cheese. and ive had one the best days of my life. which i cant talk about here. do to immature ears/eyes or whatever.
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stina and i are on talking levels. im hoping we become friends again. sure, she could get into hellish moods when she pms-es but so do i. shes the coolest female at lns so why not? i ahve no other gal pals. david said i looked different today. he was hungry and didnt elaborate much. id ask mike but he was too busy staring at christina's ass. andy didnt see me (did his hair grow) and either did brendan. rd did. cuz i got his attention. same with evan. im praying i looked different cuz nobody else said hi. joe parrot liked to stare and so did vince hugleman (omg stina). lol. so idk. i hope i looked better. im gonna borrow ashley's hair straitner, one fo them anyways, over the weekend. im going to omaha to purchase callen's gifts and during that ill be*hopefully*meeting up with derek, who is in omaha for clothes. dont worry callen, hes gonna help me find your gift. right derek? lol
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im gonna take some pics on my webcam and ill post the links to em later.
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nana and i will be also playing tennis tomorrow, and eat cadbury, watch movies, garden work maybe. idk. but itll be good to get away from life. ill hope to catch up on dahlia's fics since i stopped reading after summer school. the trilogy is very good. just. long. lol. well. im gonna go. loves. -brittni

Stayin Alive

nsync's jive talkin. oh yeah. got my pic taken and shit. andy and david and rd and pretty much everyone ignored me. maybe they didnt recognize me. but hey, i look like ive lost wait, my hair is blonder and i look so much better. maybe they didnt recognize me. some people did. this year is gonna suck. my friends replaced me and ashley doesnt even really notice im there. im really depressed now. i was in good spirits. what i ordered didnt come, derek left to omaha till sunday night :`( and i REALLY have no friends. fuck this shit man. im sick of this. i was so happy to be at school. ashley and i were talking ALL the way to school tho. she was laughing at me. *inside joke between a few people* HEY DEREK! BOOBS! lol. well. im gonna go cook something and finish the gift. loves.
..::Brittni::..
p.s. type kougra while playing frumball to skip a level but your points get reset.

Smooth

mm, the soothing sounds of santana in the morning. mmmyes. anyways. now its 311. word and represent and all that other ebonics slang crap. 311 is so cool. dern dern derninin. lol. no border breaker thigns today. cuz i have to leave and shower right quick. so this is gonna be quick and sloppy. like a lot of thigns i do cuz im so lazy. lol. derek-boo. lol. OMG IM SO EXCITED I GET TO SEE EVERYONE. i really hope i can find a partner. idk if i can. everyone else has all these friends. i guess ray richards. but i mean, he is SOOO awesome. idk why the fuck we have to have partners....oh yeah......CAUSE THE FUCKING GAY ASS MIDDLE SCHOOL SHITHEADS. damn them. this is our school damnit! oh well. i might be going to hastings for a hockey thing later this year, dad's trying to put a team together. hopefully i wont be needed to play. WOOHOO! grant turen can play goalie. yes! and then eric, and nick maybe, and ummmmm, not troy, the litle kid who was such a little doll buit i cant remember his name. one time i was trying to download this song by crossfade and i couldnt find it and i would search for 'so cold' and i ended up downloading a mudvayne song that i listened to behind everyone's backs. then dad deleted it when he deleted kazaa. :( and callen ended up posting it in his blog. teehee.
you like? isa for someone special *wink* lol. IM NOT TELLING WHO. lol. derek-boo isnt online yet. and im tired and i need coffee and some shower. OMG
DOMO ARAGOTO MR ROBOTO!
DOMO ARAGOTO MR ROBOTO. thank you mr roboto! lol. i love this song. and then i sent it to derek who pissed his pants over it. secret secret ive got a secret. derek-boo loves the 80's and I love the 90's. bcuz the 90's are better. now i have to go. derek, if you're reading this, im on the shower and ill be back really soon so dont leave. ok?
love you callen
..::Brittni::..

Grapples and Sparks

yes stina, thats exactly what i meant. lol. silly keyboard. lol. ever had a grapple? apple that tastes like a grape? mmmmmmm! yummay! lol! i remember that day. lol. OMG HE JSUT DID A BACK FLIP! HE'S MY FAVORITE! OMG HES SO CUTE! lol. remember stina? the jimmy kimmel show. we are such losers.
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im reading teh wedding. by nicholas sparks. it soooo sweet. the anniversary gift is soo awesome. i dont think you could make a woman happier by doing what he did. the album didnt strike me as a gift id like, atleast not at this age but OMG it was sooooo sweet. its a dream ive always had too. lol. a cheap one kinda. OOOH. if i could get ***** and some ******* and talk to *** *** and what not i might be able to.........hmmm?
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tonight im gonna talk to dad about getting a tattoo. a chinese symbol. maybe Blessed (shing fu) or Fortunate (shing yunn) or Famous (jun ming) or Goddess (neu shen). or there's the possibility of getting a biblical one. like Judment Day (mo ryh shen pan) or Jesus (yeh shu) or Ten Commandments (shyr jie). maybe faith if i can find it. i think itd be neat, it would mean something to me and i would hide it. i think it'd be awesome tho. even IF callen is all 'tattoos are bad' and what not which is a bunch of hooey and besides, its my body and i have a strict love of tattoos. so, sorry callen, but this is up to me and if you dont like it, im sorry but this has been a dream since i was a little girl.
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speaking of the one and only callen, tomorrow is our 2 month as those of you that read this prolly already know, and im still bleeding. which sucks. and, oddly, im not feeling too close to him. its not that i feel apart or something im jsut not as 'with him'. idk. im not as close. i guess. maybe its from lack of time with him since i havent seen him much lately. i mis him. i miss the romantic him. havent seen him for a while. oh well. im off to cook and sleep. since i feel like shit.

Blood

I HATE THOSE PILLS. im bleeding. im bleeding like an open wound. literally. i fucking hate it. im not taking those pills. more fucking trouble than they're worth.

.\/.

mommy left. i cried a little. not as much. but shell be back in two weeks. she's going to adventureland with us. woot? i think? but then she's coming back for homecoming. im hoping callen's isnt before mine, then she has to plan earlier. but, im good. i need to clean my room again before daddy gets home. and i need to shower. i didnt get to yesterday since i went to northeast with callen.

.\/.

i made a new blog. about RIPs. my first post is about katrina. if anyone has any info about her, please let me know and if you have any RIPs youd like to post, let me know. i want to get everyone's dearest people in there.

.\/.

locker checkouts tomorrow and i guess we HAVE to have locker partners. and i have to bring ashley along with me so i guess my only choice is ashley which means preppy whores around me all the fucking time. WHY DO I NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS? im a bitch i guess. but, its people like stephanie shandera that made me that way. maybe ill talk to claire warner since her and i have rock in common and jeremy. lol. jeremy is an emo loser. and i want to have his emo babys. lol. i know calire doesnt read this omg that was fucking funny! dont worry callen, it was before i nkew you and we were just fucking around. atleast calire would help me keep it clean. rachel wouldnt. maybe ill speak with kali or jessi teolis or kendra. i can see kilroy/andy. mike/david or stina/mike and david/brendan or brendan/some random person. maybe alyssa. she stopped by yesterday. hmmm? i wonder. maybe. she's nice and my family doesnt think shes a slut. lol so idk what to do cuz i guess she's with cami. oh well. ill work something out. right? right!

.\/.

ive started a blogger trend. first matt, then callen, then stina and mike and david. whom else? idk. but it started by me and we all know it. david's blog is ok. could use a new layout but i know hell blog alot. mike? doesnt blog at all. its boring. and i dont know why i read his fucking blog. prolly to see how many poems and love letters and depressing notes he'll write about how he cant have the woman he loves bcuz shes doesnt love him and she loves someone else. the same shit he did with me but this time they'll go UNnoticed.

.\/.

well i need a shower so ill talk to you people later. loves.

..::Brittni::..

Hurry

this is a fast post. i know. im sorry. but mom and i jsut had the fight of our lives, and im sad as fuck. and i feel like shit. i just want to crawl into callen's bed and die. i really do. i still have to go buy his gift. oh well. it doesnt mean anything anyways. good riddens
....
moral of the story: what goes around comes around ten fold.

Stina

ok, stina. im not tlaking shit bcuz of your blog. i just am really not in good levels with matt. this has nothing to do with you. ok? im not mad at you. true, i think you sohuld keep your distance from this topic, this is our business, not yours. i dont think you have any place in it. i have no problem with you and i was on good levels with you. ok? so, dont like, fucking freak out thinking im starting shit. i just threatened by preston and thats scary in its own right. seriously. i mean, dude, wtf? bailey is a cheating whore and shes done nothing but lie to you from the begining. dont believe me? i gotta pic of him. kinda like derek only really bad ass and a little dirtier, which, yes, is bad, bcuz we all know how not-bad ass and clean derek is. lol. dude. i am not lying to you preston. and besides, when someone tells me that its MY FUCKING FAULT THAT MY MOM LEFT ME THEN THERE'S SOME ASS TO BE KICKED. ok? sigh. people. the drama. you're right gabe....too much drama.

...............................................................

friday will be so much fun. i dont think i wanna go somewhere fancy. im sorry callen. but id rather just walk to china king and then rent a movie and spend time with you. idk. maybe we could clean your basement tomorrow or something and organize it and we could light candles and watch a movie. see. thatd be better. dont you think? and cheaper. sigh. im sorry tho. its just, i wouldnt feel comfortable. just, dont surprise me. lol.

................................................................

i fucking hate callen's dad. if he dares show up at his wedding, whether hes marrying me or not, i will fucking shoot the bastard. stupid fucker. nobody understands this. he ruined callen's life. why do you think callen has been put on meds and what not. AND CALLEN'S FORGIVEN HIM. YOU'RE ALL FUCKING NUTS. I STILL HATE MY MOM FOR WHAT SHE DID BUT SHE HAD A DECENT EXCUSE FOR RUINIGN MY LIFE. he left you. he didnt leave you bcuz he had problesm, did drugs, hurt or or anything like that. he jsut left you. wtf is wrong with you? i mean, he HURT you. i fucking hate this. none of you can even comprehend what that in its self has done to me but, FORGIVING HIM? jesus.

................................................................

on a fucking lighter note. dad gets home tonight. mom leaves tomorrow. i dont think ill cry, but this time ill acctually miss her. for the first time in my life. i feel like a woman. not a girl, not a thing. a woman. thank god. but i miss daddy. atleast, his good sides. and, that means, ummm, idk. nothing good. i jsut miss him. idk. i get to see mom in two months anyways. i might go to illinois with austin and raymond for thanksgiving. i hope they'll be willing to see me, otherwise itll suck. im NOT spending my time with stephanie and wuts his face josh or w/e. hopefully by then i can find a dress that will fit this fucked up thinggod calles a body. why dont i jsut go in jeans and a t shirt. or naked. or in see through clothes, like, all fishnets. then id be partially nudist, partially goth, partially slutty. WOOPA. and what not. wow. for the first time, callen has brought me down. well, wmotionally. this sucks. memory acoustic. lol. nice. DAMN PHONE. WHO THE HELL WONT LEAVE ME ALONE? FUK OFF BRANDON. brb....................................... several minutes later .........................................its preston. wanting proof of kris and what not. anyways. now i have to call denys. but, sigh. and i called her mom's cell. crazy lesbian and what not. well. ashley's here and she wants to see a movie with her home girls since her bf broker up with her. ttyl. loves

..::Brittni::..

Story

ok, realy quick like, i was gonna type a story in my old blog which means i have to sign on to a different account and blogger wont let me sign out. WTF? sigh.
..............................................................
im bored and i have gum, WTF do you expect me to do?
..............................................................
moral of the story; its bad to be a wanksta *ahem matt ahem*
..............................................................
..::brittni::..

Falling

I lose my step
I lose my ground
I lose my self
When you're around
I'm holding on for my life
To keep from drowning in your eyes

.............................................................

i really cant believe you would say that callen james mcintosh. i want to be pissed at you for saying that. sigh. yes, it was about your dad. and it really unnerves me to think about it. you should sit there and say that you're gonna get hurt alot more and that you'll just get through it. you're human. and this time you have someone to help make it better. stop trying to be so strong. yes, you might get hurt when your mother dies or she has a stroke or something, but, callen, thats it. i dont want you meeting with your father. never. he'll just trun out to be an asshole and you'll come home unnerved and frekaing out. im not gonne let anything like that happen to you. i know im promise shit matt did, but unlike him i keep my FUCKING PROMISES. FUCK! fuck fuck and more fuck.

.............................................................

matchbox 20's smooth. calming. im in a bad mood. i cant think of anything to wear that will please callen. even tho my french outfit with look so fucking cute. the shawl bothers the hell outta me. so, idk, i really dont know. i dont think i wanna wear the jacket. ill just wear the striped shirt. fuck that. i look good in it. with my sunglasses. and, ummm, my shoes and such. i hope i look ok. MAYBE ILL SEE SPICY. OH YEAH! lol. i can see me now 'SPICY! ITS POPCORN CROTCH!' lol. and i can laugh at the pathetic people that surround my wonderful callen everyday. and cough up my lungs like i am now. i need a shower tho. i stinkies. well. im gonna go get coffee, watch tv, call callen, shower and leave. ttyl. loves.

..::Brittni::..

.............................................................

p.s. i will email nic, callen, martina nd derek when i get back. i promise.

YAY RABIES

damn headphone string. blah. YOU'RE THE ONE I WANT! YOU'RE THE ONE I NEED! GIRL WHAT CAN I DO-OO-O! YOU'RE THE ONE I WANT! lol. go brittni go brittni its ur birfday!

.....................................................

so. i went shopping today from 11 to 4. four new bras, a light pink shawl, breaking benjamin cd, high heeled shoes, a purse, sheets, and ummmm, sunglasses and ummm, thats it. we were lookign at prom dresses but NONE fit. too small or too big. i fucking hate it. the ONE that i liked most showed off my tummy and my butt too much. and it was on sale. biych. twenty bucks. no wait, it was the 'spensive one. i felt so ashamed that i couldnt fit into a single dress. i bet my mom was laughing at me. i cant fit into anything. sigh. life sucks right now. i saw ray richards tho. that lifted my spirits really high. only to have them smashed down again. we got caramel cheesecake tho. that made me happy since the salad sucked. guess what? i now where a size 36D bra. and im still fucking growing. thats fucked. my mom wears 36B. im two sizes bigger. WTF?!?! why? why? why? im bigger than a fat chick. fuck that man. im sick of being so curvy. WHY THE FUCK CANT I BE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING? I DONT EVEN 'OWN' FOUNDATION FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. i could be normal to save the beatles. fuck. fuck. FUCK. im sick of it really. you dont see curvy famous people. or even big hipped famous people. maybe big breasted. i almost got a shirt that said "THEY'RE REAL" and one that said you cant afford me. sigh.

.....................................................

omg. stina's all 'matt, read callen's blog' well, sorry to be mean, BUT HELLO. THE REASON CALLEN'S TALKIGN SHIT IS BCUZ MATT'S A STUPID JACKASS. lol. im sorry. but, ok, stina and mike and matt need to just back the fuck away from callen and i. stina hates me since matt gave me the time of day, and matt hates me cuz he wants/needs me and im with callen and mike, well, he replaced me for stina which really really hurt so i decided to stop talking to him. i cried for a night over that but he didnt care cuz he was so busy bowing down to stina. so the only friend i have that i spend time with is callen. this school year shall suck nuts. my best friend replaced me. ouch man. ouch. and what the hell is umpa? matt used to fucking say that all the damn time. I FUCKING HATED. dude, learn some lyrics besides sunshine. I UNDERSTAND YOU HAD SOME FUCKING FETISH WITH ME BEING SOME SORT OF FUCKING SUNSHINE BUT WTF. lord help me please. squishie. see thats cute and original. sunshine? idk. freaky. it was ok the first few times but the millionth time he sung that to me i wanted to drive a screw into my brain.

.....................................................

mom and i talked about callen. she really likes him. she thinks we'll be together for a long time. she thought he had good grades. so i explained what happened with the courts and such. her and i discussed the root of the problem. but i dont think it would work ya know? i mean, what if he turns out to treat him like shit and completely ruins him? sure, its be a good opportunity to show callen how much i love him but id rather make sure he doesnt get hurt. mom went on this rave about how it wasnt my fault that she left. all i heard was different people yelling that it really was my fault. i heard everyone thats ever said it. on repeat. i was bawling. i didnt know what was worse. 1) hearing that its your fault your mom left you and ruined your life to the point of ownign one earring and needing counsiling or 2) callen hurt. i think mom's suggestion of a letter might work....but callen wouldnt be satisfied with 'just a letter' but hed end up getting hurt. i know he would. and i cant stand to think of him hurt. idk. i think it as the problem. i truly do. and i know callen will have to face it soon, but i dread the day mroe than the day i die.

.....................................................

mom and i are getting along well. very well. and i feel like a daughter. and im behaving extremely well. im proud of myself. last night i had the most fucked up dream. seriously. i turned it into a story tho. so i guess thats cool. but still. black ink, a towel and chocolate. hmmm? odd no?

.....................................................

heads i win and tails you lose. - nsync. wootamos.

.....................................................

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/crossfade/sofaraway.html

to squishie ^

.....................................................

i had chicken for dinner. i will be eating ice cream. i might clean my room. then call callen bcuz i havent heard his voice but i really need to clean my room. mom will throw a fit. like, she'll have two cows. wow. in truth. i feel shitty. i really feel like shit. absolute shit. this sucks. lol. here and now. i love that song. well, the nsync version anyways. its soothing. when i sing it, i relax. lol. together again, here and now. good times man. good times.

.....................................................

i remember the day i first got to know callen. lol. my cheeks were red the whole time and it took everything i had to keep from pushing him against a wall and kissing him. and i remember our first kiss in bailey's hallway. and painting my shoes blue with a smoke-ball on the fourth. and, when he took me to the movies and dinner. i was so happy!!!! and, the day he asked me out. we werent dating 'YET' lol. it was so sweet. you know when you hold everything inside and as soon as they leave you flail your arms and bounce your legs and scream so high pitched that dogs whine? i did that. i couldnt believe it had happened. i was so excited to be dating this wonderful person. lol. i remember being so very shy about telling callen that i love him. wanna know the best feeling in the world? making callen smile. lol. cliche i know. but it is. i love it when he smiles. and his laughter makes my spine tingle and makes me smile in it's self. lol. well i g2g clean so i can talk to my baby. love..the sexy beast that is me

..::Brittni::..

French Lemondae

CRAZY YEAH! once again, now that im home, im listening to nsync. i find it relaxing. i know, you're prolly laughing at me right now but it truly helps me relax. lol. i dont care if you laugh at me...IM STICKING UP FOR MY HOMEBOYS! lol. besides, when they're together its really harmonic.

..:: ^.^ ::..

one of life's little things that really makes you happy is a kitty. their purr is so relaxing and sedative. its wonderful. its life. and their furr is so soft and brilliantly shiny and touchable. and when they're happy and they close their eyes and put their paw on your cheek. its so sweet. the feeling just makes me smile from ear to ear.

..:: ^.^ ::..

i got new clothes. BOOYA. a plaid pink and black skirt, a black shawl, a pink zipper shirt, black and white stripes (for my french outfit) shirt with shoulder-zippers, red black and whtie plaid pants, socks, undies, and some pjs. oh yes! oh yes! *damn you winterfresh* i also got, umm, half baked carb karma ben and jerrys ice cream. its acctually really good. and water, and mints, and dr pepper. mm. i love this. mom and i are gettign along really well arent we? yes. her and i havent fought yet and we're gonna buy some bras and jeans today and even look at homecoming dresses. im sorry callen, but mommy was all talking about tuxes and flowers! i was like, uh, NO. but she's all, yeah brittni its your only sophomore homecoming. lol. so we're gonna look at dresses and maybe even get one before everyone else gets one. ive seen one at deb's thats all lacy and black and a corset-tie-down down the front. its really sexy. and yeah, its gonna be fun. and im getting the new breaking benjamin cd. well i gotta go. we're going to ihop, the mall, kohls, callen's and then home. oh yes! plus i have to pee. loves to you all. bye bye now

..::Brittni::..

Iowa

Iowa sucks. literally. and it smells bad and the water tastes funny. the beds are up too high and not squishie enough. the kids sleep loudly. nana's breathing machine is loud and makes bump in the night which scare the shit out of me. and NANA HAD THE FUCKING NERVE TO PUT A 'RED' NIGHTLIGHT IN MY ROOM FOR JESSICA. wtf? red light? oh yeah, thats safe. that wont get me eaten. its bad enough im away from the safety of callen.......let alone with a fucking red light and an open door. jesus. i literally shit my pants when i woke up this morning at like 5. oh my god. fuck im still scared now and im about to read callen's story.

..:: ._. ::..

ive worked my marker in the middle to fit my moods. lol. arent i smart? i gotta tag board! IM SO HAPPY. lol. derek has one too. hes kinda updating on it too. loser. dont be so lazy and blog! lol. im being mean. lol. aol sucks. lol.

..:: ._. ::..

i still cant believe gabe called me. i thought it was brandon so i was all 'idc who this is' and shit but then he's like...its gabe. i was so happy. aparently he knows chad who was ashley's house the other day. hes going to lhs. i was so glad to have talked to him. ive been wondering what happened to him for months!! almost a year! lol. and i got elliot's sn back and walker's. thankfully.and umm, josh burden's. and eliot and brendan and garret. i highly doubt i will tlak to eliot, seeing as how hes matt's friend and same with rob, they'd prolly yell at me for hurting him and id tell them that they couldnt understand and that it wasnt all my fault and theyd call me a dirty skank and say matt deserves better like emily hooker er i mean tooker. *atleast im not coughing* so, i guess it doesnt matter.

..:: ._. ::..

its thundering outside. big booms. the house shook once. they're not as loud down here. but it sounds like someone trying to crawl through the door. so im freaking out. lol. this day sucks. i just want to sit and watch tv. no sewing. no cookies. no nothing. just tv and internet. damnit.

..:: ._. ::..

im playing maroon 5 on repeat. the first few songs. i might change the cd soon. i prolly wanna retreat upstairs soon and tell nana to make fritters and bangers. mmmmm. yummy. im so tired tho. i could not sleep. so i played ryan's gamboy advanced for a few hours. and alot of times id wake up crying. i was having the worst nightmares......very bad nightmares about callen. it bothered me. and i was hiccoughing earlier and bent over to put in a cd and i almost threw up. the hiccoughs were messing up my stomach and my throat. i really miss callen. and its not a kinda miss where im sad and i mope around. its a miss where im almost throwing up and crying and seriously depressed. mom better get here at two instead of five. she said anywhere between noon and dinner. PLEASE BE TWO P.M. PLEASE. IF YOU LOVE ME MOMMY, YOU WILL BE HERE SOON. omg. omg. omg. i got into a fight with my daddy about my mommy. seriously. it was bad. dad was yelling at me and taking mom's side and saying i have no reason to hate her. and that i shouldnt use her, even if thats all shes good for. that ticked me off big time. so i gave up and went to my room and played with butters. so, im gonna go now. TAGGY PWEASEY!

..::Brittni::..

Nana's

mike harring is in love with stina. the only person who has been there for me since 8th grade. he was my best friend and now hes mad at me bcuz i dont like stina. WTF?!?! im so pissed at him. i hope hes happy bowing down to her.

..:: ^.^ ::..

im at my nana's now. in truth im ok. not happy, not sad. im very bummed, like extremely bcuz of lack of cantact with callen but I GOT BRITISH CANDY! YES! FINALLY! FOR CHEAP. so im extremely happy. at all evens out i guess. im gonna go get my aero-mint when i read callen's story. woopa. i ate a crunchie and a turkish delight already. at tony's. the cousins are staying at nana's also. they're watching shrek. and i wont be able to sleep due to my caffine mints. lol. WOOPA. i got PIMs too.....french cookies. and french lemonade.

..:: ^.^ ::..

i got to talk to donnie today, and derek tricked me. lol. gabe called. i havent talked to him in forever. brandon wont leave me alone. im sick of everyone except my nana and callen. some people........

..:: ^.^ ::..

well i gotta go. i love you callen. be home tomorrow. bye everyone

..::Brittni::..

Derek

derek. when im at my grandma's house...she doesnt have msn so if you need to talk to me bout anything, email me, itll prolly be easier. i swear.

callen, ill be on aim as much as possible. promise.

Pop

Nsync. pop. fun right? yes. im rocking out. having a blast. im loving it. ive been in a good mood these past three days. ever since i got to see callen. he might come over today a little before my nana arrives. after his guitar. IM SORRY YOUR SURPRISE DIDNT WORK BABY.i still love you and i think was adorable that you even surprised me. nobody else *ahem matt ahem* ever suprised me with ANYTHING.

..:: ^.^ ::..

WELL. IM LEAVING TOMORROW. oops. caps. but yes, illtry and blog. a few notes b4 i go: derek, thank you soooooo friggin much for the tagboard. it makes me so happy. and umm, mike harring. you're a jackass. i wasnt speaking of you in that post. and you mean so much to me. if you dont believe so, i guess ill have to find someone new to talk to. fucker.

..::Brittni::..

Love Letters

Im a genius. I figured out a way to make sure my baby doesnt go crazy while im with my nana and such. and i think ill do this for a while. even after i come home. i hope he likes it. callen, i wont tell you what it is so dont even ask. its bad enough i cant keep myself from talking about it. i leave saturday night. im thinking about packing tomorrow. instead of during the day saturday. i need dad to buy me a prtable cd player. i have batteries. i might not blog those few days but ill try.

..:: ^.^ ::..

DOMO ARIGATO MR ROBOTO. i love that song. too bad i dont have kazaa anymore. damnit. i want that song so bad. and memory by sugarcult. Ive been playing Zuma alot lately. i have to sign off of aim tho cuz the popup things always mess up my game and make me lose. and i cant lose. im trying to reach the sungod level and i always lose at eagle. damnit. damnit all. im trying to download kazaalite but these people want money. HELL NO. dad still needs to pre-order fable like he said he would. and martin: i still need the title to those cds if you plan to have me buy em.

..:: ^.^ ::..

do you like my center markings? i think they're cute. dont you? i love em. they're so adorable. callen and i are making a movie. for the MON (middle of nowhere) competition. nebraska independent films program or something. it has to be a horror tho. which is gonna be hard. a drama would be easier. i guess it doesnt have to be shit-ur-pants scary but still, i dont want to do a cheesy indifilm scary movie that looks like michael jackson's thriller. a black and white movie would do well. unless i shot it with the writings on the wall idea callen had and made the blood show up red but everything else (including red shirts cuz that would be too m night shyamalan) would be black and white. it'll be easy to edit, and add credits that'll take three days, but, i want the plot done today, script tomorrow and filming the next few days. otherwise we wont make it, i also need a day to send it in. it only has to be three minutes but im looking to see if there's anymore film competitions coming up instead. its gonna hard to make a three minute movie in ten days along with putting it on vhs and sending it. idk. but if you have any story or plot ideas, PLEASE TELL ME.

..:: ^.^ ::..

i really hate where my computer is located. it pisses me off. im always scared of seeing bugs are spiders there or looking behind me. atleast no one can be behind me, like dad,a nd read what im writing. i have time to block and cover. lol.

..:: ^.^ ::..

derek. i needs help again. with pictures and i need a tagboard. im gonna fix the links today but i cant figure out pictures at all and im really lost. HELP. again. please. lol. that made me think of dr dolittle. rub my butt, please rub my butt, please, just rub my butt. lol. and, if you've ever seen along came polly, if i girls likes to be spanked, do it hard, not a pathetic *bop* or nothing. if she doesnt like it, dont do it at all and stick to moving your hand down her side and resting on her thigh while making out. always ask what she likes before trying out soemthing new. lol. just so you know.

..:: ^.^ ::..

i cant wait till the trip to des moines. OMG! IM SO EXCITED. callen and i will both have headphones on and be sitting there rocking out while mike and dad chatter away. and and and the rides. YES. IM THE ONLY ONE BESIDES TONY WHO IS COOL. lol. go tony go tony. but i get to laugh at the others. dad was talkinga bout how brave and chalenging i am to ride rides like that but i cant chalenge myself to like, be the best. idk. but i am cool. itll be fun. and ill eat cotton candy and callen will laugh cuz i have sugar all over my face. and we'll laugh. callen will be relaxed around tony, i know that for sure, they're both nerds who like freakish things and relish in always being right. lol. the kids he'll get with easily. jason is another story. i just hope it doesnt turn out like it always does when callen's near my dad and such. its like he's afraid to say the wrong thing in front of my dad. or like, my dad hates him or something. i just wish he'd speak more. when we walked to the gas station he was all words but as soon as we stepped into the house again he was ....................quiet. idk. if you're bored callen, tell me, ask if there's somethign to do, or if there's something you wanna do or SOMETHING. id be happy if you complained about soemthing atleast. it makes me so self concious. idk. im so worried that somethigns wrong. but the hotel will be fun. late night swimming and kisses and talks and walking. im sooo walking around the hotel. its fun. i should brign the guitar. except, people will expect me to play something so it wouldnt be fun as it would be a task. except, im sure, if the adults were to get ahold of it, some could play it but the kids would be like.....OH LET ME PLAY LET ME PLAY and id feel bad saying no, no no no nonononononono FUCK OFF. lol. and the picnic will be awesome. half the time its oldies music, the other, chris's music which means deftones, idturbed MM and maybe even mudvayne. callen will like him, chris is big on the shitty music like mudvayne....and deftones. lol. mm, bratwurst and chips and YUMMY DESSERTS that alice makes. i hope i remember everyone's names. lol. i remember chris, alice, nick, amelia and thats it. i bet there's atleast one baby there besides catherine. jason will like callen. i know he will.

..:: ^.^ ::..

well, im going to go now and vacuum my room and suh and whatnot. and then ill fold the blanket again and maybe even braid a hemp necklace. lord knows i havent done that in a while. im kinda looking forward to spending some time alone in my room. i wont have much of it for a while once sunday comes. make that saturday, shopping, packing, nana's, mom's, shopping, cleaning, school packing, photos, lockers, bus pass, shit like that, oh and des moines. lord knows my alone time will be limited, but, once school starts, im gonna have to push like hell to see callen. i hope dad's a little leniant about being home so i can see my baby. loves

..::Brittni::..

Callen's House

Im at callen's house. and we're watching i love the 90's again. they're talking aobut fight club. callen made a joke about matt and fight club. cuz fight club sucks. everyone knows that. except scrawny white males who have no balls. * cough cough* oh no.....im turning into matt......NOOOOO!!!!! HELP!!

anyways. how is you people? i ate at this new place called pekeing palace. its a super buffet. damn it was good. i had tons of lo mein, and beef and brocoli, and sugar bread, and sushi (which no one else would eat) and ummmm i dont remember much else. callen's mom's fortune said this: 'A new friend helps you break out of an old routine.' lol. HAHAHA. if you've ever seen the episode of madtv where stuart eats chinese youd get why this is funny. callen and i were laughing so hard at this fortune and his mom did NOT GET WHY. IT WAS SO HILARIOUS. oh, and umm, callen got a great idea, we're gonna open an american buffet in china. MWUHAHAHA. it was a good time. im very relaxed around his mom and his grandma. the rest of his family im not too sure about, but they're cool. i love him mom tho. dont make me get on topic about how matt's mom was an evil demon who acted like i was trash...which im not thank you. stupid whench.

i bought callen's mom this british cookbook, which worked out relaly well bcuz thats what ive been wanting to get her. i almost got her a dessert recipe book. but dude....I FOUND THE BEST BOOK. i think she liked it. i could smell the lotion i bought her when we left for dinner. it made me really happy. maybe someday she'll make potroast and yorkshire puddings and potatoes. ooooh. that would be so good. and she's such a good cook. well i g2g. ill write tomorrow. p.s. i need to go school shopping. things to buy: 5 subject notebook, pack of BIC pens for burning myself, lead, pencil (already have two), calculater, locker shelf, mirror, magnets, picture of callen.

..::Brittni::..

Catnip and Derek

Butters and Precious, my two kitties, are now rubbing themselves in catnip. and theyre so funny looking. they're jumping around and bouncing and having a good time, even tho Bailey (the dog) is down here. its really adorable. i even finished the dates on my Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier Calendar for 2005.

can you believe that school is about to start again? hmm? its like, three weeks away. man. this summer was total shit. except for the few remaining good things in life. besides those few thigns, i have had a shitty time. damnit, this shirt smells like ashley's house.

derek, i jsut read your post bouts the great MOI! and i want to say thank you. you made me blush. lol. you are a sweet heart and i know i can trust you with anything and you know you can trust me. you're a great person, so happy and full of life. i wish everyone could be as happy as you. once again, whomever you date, will be a very lucky person.

im really fond of the switchfoot song Memory. idk why. its a really catchy song and for some reason it makes me think of matt. some of the lyrics in the chorus. i know that a bad thing, but i really like the song. and its not like i cry when i hear it like i do with Echo. A Favor House Atlantic by CoCa is really close to me cuz when callen and i got really close, and i was in summer school, i was listening to that song alot. same with the killers. and lord of the rings monopoly. cuz of my uncle. lol. he was almsot making fun of us cuz we were playing 'dungeons and dragons'. lol.

i used to make net dolls. and ive stopped doing it for a while. but i found a pony maker. its' so cute. i made a black pony with blue eyes. it was cute. http://members.fortunecity.com/sailorpluto/AdoptableMaker.htm
there ya go. you can all make adorable ponies for the fuck of it. i need to figure out these photo thigns tho. maybe i can finally put a pic on my site. lol. DEREK. I NEED UR HLEP. UR SMART ABOUT THIS SHITTIZZLE.

my glasses are dirty. i should clean them but im too lazy. and then i have to finish callen's blanket, which ill prolly do in my room bcuz of dog, that and i can leave it there and not have to worry about others stepping on it. its gonna take a few days, i might have to super glue the things together. which really sucks. it sucks nuts. big monkey nuts.

last night, while eatign a huge salad and some wings with my dad and brother, i blurted out Long Duck Dong. lol. callen got the name stuck in my head, and i accidently blurted it out. i think others heard me too. lol. am i crazy or what? i think ive got you beat tho derek. atleast you dont fall asleep and say Eat In Chicken while ur sleeping. right callen? lol. im a loser. but either way, i dont coo. damn you.

well i g2g. callens bugging me. and i need to shower. love you guys.
..::Brittni::..

p.s. to those of you who cough, threaten and post shitty songs that no one likes......i may miss ya.....but i dont need ya.

Mom

mom will be here in about 4 or 5 days.....which means IM SCREWED. shes gonna yell at me non-stop. which means im spending every minute with her.....with callen. stupid bitch. she sees stephanie more than she's seen me in my life. and she lived with me for 3 years. WOO HOO. 3 YEARS. I THINK SHE DESERVES THE MOM-OF-THE-YEAR AWARD! NOT!

jord, my cousin thinks she can come with my mom to my house while dad enjoys his time in phoenix. i hope he loves it. while im here putting up with mike and mom and the dog. fuck him. stupid bastard. i hope his plane crashes. she's a stupid fuck also. jord jord jord........tisk tisk. i hate you, dont you realise that?

i need some sausage. im making sausage for breakfast, and eggs, and some toast. woopa! mmmm, meat. i need some healthy food. im pooped. im suposed to see callen today, but i need sleep. ill prolly clean my room right quick after i eat some foodizzle and then go to callen's till dad gets home. then i have to go school shopping. i want to see my baby so bad. i miss him so much. but i g2g and call him.loves

..::Brittni::..

Head

my head is pounding. i need to sleep. i couldnt talk to callen at ashleys and then she invited some shit head druggies over. so i left. i feel like crap. and i miss my baby. i wish he was awake.

i lost my game of checkers to derek. how sad. p.s. he made my blog white. cool no? now to rid of that annoying alert pop-up thing.........hmmm.........

callen. i love you're poem. i truly do. i dont think ive ever been happier with anyone. and i treasure the fact that you shared your past with me. even tho it hurt me to realise what you went through. atleast it wasnt just a rock (lol). you are the answer to my problems. and youve made my life so much better. you never cease to make me laugh and it always brightens my day. youve never made me cry, which means so much to me. you are my angel. my peantbuttacups. lol. youve helped me get over matt. youve helped me calm down no matter why i was crying. i know that you'll always take care of me and be there for me. i love you baby.

now that ive stopped crying from callens poem......the bruise on my arm hurts like a bitch and im tired as fuck. talk to you people later....P.S. derek, im gonna kick your ass. lol

..::Brittni::..

Trolli

trolli makes the best gummi worms and jelly beans ever. except jelly belly. but they're gourmet jelly beans. lol.

about michael moore. since matt brought it up, leave the shithead alone. seriously. he made movies like that to get our attention. he doesnt care if we praise or if we critisise. he loves the attention and thats the only reason hes making these movies. so pick a decent topic to complain about.

ive had My Immortal on repeat for hours. lol. is that bad? im still in my pjs. a purple IDOL tanktop and my happy bunny pants. which are comfy. and for some reason, im sweating. its prolly my head. its ounding to the same fucking beep-boop as my pos comp which over-heats in five minutes. DAMN YOU.

i feel like shit. and not just mentaly. i feel like my head is going to burst open. and i need sleep. ive been up too late for the past few days. my eyes are defocusing. so i think i must be off now. farewell. wish me luck.

Originality

you know, people just post their OWN POSTS. in their blog. lol. not somebody else rants and bitchy complaints. thats not the reason we read your blog. dumbass.

now, please excuse me while i yell HEY DUMBFUCK in your general direction. dad doesnt believe that these meds are amking me feel like shit, when hes seen it happen once before. I STILL THINK I SHOULD HAVE THE DAMN SHOT YOU FUCKING BASTARD. and matt. well. matt in himself vould be a novel to write about. my mom. wtf? i cant see my family, shes coming in and we ahve to go shopping FOR MIKE FIRST. and she wont take me to the locker sign up and to get my pictures taken. atleast she'll order pictures and shit. mike shoved a spider in my face earlier and i almost shit my pants. mike wont help with the cleaning. so w/e. fuck all of you shitheads who ruin the world. you deserve to die.

i love you callen. good luck derek. i love ya mike.

Kylie

I wanna see kylie in concert. lol. im still in a kylie state. is that bad?i hope not.

derek told me about himself today. you go derek. i love ya. i hope you find a sweet guy to take care of ya. you know hell be lucky. DEREK.

i wrote that poem for matt. this is the end matt. i think you should stop reading my blog. all you'll read is good thigns.if i keep posting bad thought about missing you, it wont keep me happy. so i wont be posting how i miss you anymore. this is the end.

jord. im sorry about lying to you. i didnt mean to. i hope you believe me. it means alot to me if you forgive me.

callen. i love you baby. youve done alot for me these past few days and ive seen you everyday for five days straight. lol. im so happy that you held me. and im so happy that you care. you mean alot to me. i hope you understand. youve taken care of me no matter what happened. and that means so mcuh to me. and im the happiest person in the world to be so close to you. p.s. someday youll be sephiroth....someday........did i spell that right? lol.

thanks to everyone else. i lvoe you guys.
..::Brittni::..

This Is The End

Here it is, the end we've always feared.
You always promised it'd never come.
So why am I accepting it?
Why am I moving on?
You always said it wouldnt happen like this
And we'd still be friends.
You were always an untruthful one.
So I dont see why Im making a fuss.
Yeah, my head is swimming
And the room seems cold in few seconds.
Ill admit, Im sad, Ill miss you.
I ahve my memoires, and I guess I can live with that.
I have to.
Just like I have to say goodbye.
So now
Goodbye.
This time I will be gone,
I stayed for way too long,
It started out with trust
But it isnt just about the good times.
We never had a last kiss. And I still have your bear.
But Ill never see you again.
So now goodbye
This is the end.

Today

dad stayed home today, which ruined the day. i ate lucnh for breakfast cuz i got up at 11. mmm. and i ate some pie. and made mousse. chocolate mousse. then i yelled at matt. and he didnt yell......he just spoke words that hurt. alot. and so im hurt. i was bawling and scratching things into my arms. im hoping i didnt get trhough any skin tho. im praying. callen would be so disappointed. but i was crying. so i tore off my hat and ran upstairs bawling. i jumped into the pool. in my clothes. and swam. well, callens on his way over to take care of me. hopefully thsi day wont be so bad. im gonna go. pos comp is overheating. bye guys.

Sorry

i apologize. i dont mean anything i said in that last post. mike, i apologize deeply. i love you. i am ok. you know, all i wanted to do was make him happy and he never let me. i cried on callen's shoulder. i really cried. and for the first time, me crying, made someone else cry. ive never felt closer to anyone. besides what happened with me and matt, today has been the best day of my life.

LAST POST

YOU KNOW WHAT? ITS NOT MY FAULT MY MOM LEFT ME BAILEY! I AM NOT A LIAR! YOU'RE THE ONE WHOS HURTING EVERYONE. I NEVER HURT YOU. YOU ALWAYS SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT ME AND DITCHED ME EVERYWHERE. YOU ARE A SKANK! AND I AM NOT TRASH. I FUCKING HATE YOU!! DO YOU ENJOY THAT IM CRYING? DO YOU? CUZ YOUVE MADE ME.

AS FOR YOU MATTHEW. I DID CARE. BUT NOT ANYMORE. WHY? SO MAYBE YOULL GO AWAY. IM FUCKIGN SICK OF ALL OF YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE! I AM NEVER BLOGGING AGAIN. AND TOMORROW....I ENTER CAPS. PERIOD. YOU WILL NOT STOP ME. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY. THEN AGAIN, NO ONE WILL STOP ME WILL THEY? ILL ENTER WITHOUT A FIGHT. LIFE WILL BE BETTER WITHOUT ME. SO FUCK YOU ALL. FUCK OFF AND DIE. THAT GOES FOR MATT, BAILEY, MY DAD, MY MOM, JARED, JOSEPH, MATT R AND EVERYONE ELSE!

Village

Im not gonna ruin it for everyone, but the ending sucks. but, id watch it on repeat. lol. and, still, im scared of the darkness and red. so, please, leave the color of red away from me. its a bad color.

you know. there is no 'meant to be'........just the result of choices. our lives are made up of small individual pieces of time in which we made an action, idea, opinion or choice. there is no strong, or weak, only the people dumb enough to believe in it. there is no beauty or hideouness, only those too dumb to believe in it. there is love. love is choices and actions. ideas and opinions. your opinion of someone. your ideas for someone. your actions towards someone. your choices made based on someone. i made a wrong choice. but. i took it and twisted it in my own sick little way and made it better. i was loyal, more loyal than i have ever been. he doesnt believe me. oh well. right? now that i did it....it makes it easier to repeat it. ((hooplah is a funny word)) but you know what? he wont ever speak to me again. i cant stand it. it hurts yes, but, it hurts also to see callen hurt by reading what matt writes. matt is hurting me, and if he keeps it up, idk what will happen. im focusing all my time on callen. hopefully, i wont falter. im trying with my all......

i keep commenting in stina's blog. its quite amusing. lol. it riles everyone up. altho, i think my best buddy is on her side. which, in the end, hurts. alot. mike harring, if ur reading this, fuck you. maybe im wrong. i tend to do that, but, hes the only one i know besides david who seems to enjoy stina's company. but, david will do anything for some pussy. i guess andy and brendan are the only ones that i can trust.

you know, im just gonna cut off all communication outside of callen mcintosh. hes the only person i can relate to right now. everyone else is leaving me. im alone. for once in my life, i am alone. well, the closest ill ever be from now on.

you guys are lucky. mike and david and andy are good at video games. stina is so wonderful at gymanstics (she sucks in cheerleading) but her gymnastics are great! callen has guitar and bass and martial arts. spicy has dance. matt has singing. jared has selling drugs. me? nothing. i can understand french enough to live there for a month. i can write short stories. and i can read. my poems suck balls. they always ramble. never rhyme. nothing. my stories suck. my blog sucks. my movies suck. my singing sucks. my guitar sucks. ive never taken a dance class in my life outside of club kicks and jr lightning cheerleading. my acting is horrible. besides, i cant get anywhere without a decent voice. i cant cook. i cant do anything. i have passions for so many thigns. but i just cant do them. all of you, with talents. with passions and hobbies and activities and classes.....i envy you. i am jealous. and you are very very lucky.

i just wish i had something to call my own..........i cant even keep a steady friend for more than a few months. THIS IS SO FUCKED. i hate you people.