Voila les toilets!

un post quick. lol. mon pere went to denver ajourd-hui. lucky bitch. some quick french practice: voila, est les toilets! lol. mon armoire, mon lie, mon tape. j'adore mon chat. elle est gros! et blanc. mon chat garcon, il est mon ideal chat. il est roux et mignon.
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i like tyler again. just like i did last year, but if i did anything with him, me AND MY FRIENDS woulndt hear the end of it. he's so kissable tho. and mitch knows i like him. he got punched today. why? idk. worked with film today. mike and i arent going anywhere, might give up. idk. desole this post is so small. but i g2g to mikes. im gonna go change now. loves. a tout a l'heure.

post script: i have a huge post coming up about england and why i plan to live there. youll love this one martin. i feel i should post it cuz ive cried about england alot lately.

-Brittni

Je rate le bus....again.

Bonjour. comment ca va? moi? terrible. tres terrible. je rater le bus, again, et je ne suis pas awake. je feel sick. je ne sais pas mon francias. lol.
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im gonna try and write a french introduction every time i blog. i know it wont last long, but itll be like practicing mon devoir, et mon vocalbulaire (sp?), lol. im starting to use french alot lately. like mon, et, je, je suis and shit like that. i guess thats a good thing.
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brb going to school.
.
back.
.
school sucked nuts. i didnt wanna go. and i stayed so that i could go to the football game with mike. so, it kinda made me mad that he couldnt go, but i said fuck it anyways. i did get three mtn dews tho. one almost gone. i cried on the way home today. in the truck. it was ok. this is hard to type cuz derek and i are talking with the webcam. lol. he's so cute. lol. mike thinks im always sad. im not am i? idk. idc really. derek's making funny faces.
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i g2g. ttyl. bye

Je rater le bus.

yeah, i missed my bus yo. so i figuered id blog. woot right? right! ok....
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mike came over last night. we walked to the ustop, came home and watched some of scary movie three, since daddy's an asshole and made him leave at like 9:50. but it was fun. we joked alot. discussed being naked, fooling around *as in jokes*, and, umm, pretty much random shit. i found out that emily, who was completely naked bcuz of strip poker, got caught! LMAO! wtf? how the hell do you play strip poker if you know an adult could come downstairs at any given time? lol. tisk tisk. i wouldnt mind playing. altho, if there was alcohol at the party at all, id have my shirt of and blame it on the alcohol, which i didnt have any of, but nobody has to know that right? right! but yeah, so i was walking mike to the corner once dad forced him out of the house. and we were joking, i dont remember what it was about, but he kissed me. well, on the way to the corner, he kissed my cheek, and we had our arms around each other. something trevor and i never did, even when we dated. lol. but, he was leaving and, HE kissed ME. lol. i skipped home. i fucking SKIPPED. lol. but yeah, im very happy about it. but, i mean, i know i like him, but there's mitch and zach. altho i wouldnt have a chance with zach if hell froze over. or if meghan ever really was worth trevor's love *lmao, man im a bitch*. but, like, i dont wanna date mike, and then find out mitch likes me, and then date mitch. it'll look bad, but atleast i date people before i 'really' make out with them. acctually, the last person i really made out with was ian. weeks ago. but still, ya get what im saying.
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dude, von bondies kick ass! lol. and, i know its kind of a sellout song, but 1985 rocks. lol. and i found out last night, that 1985 is my dad's graduating year, so that makes the song a teeny bit more special. :D lol. i just finally listened to Ghost of a Good Thing by dc, its not as good as my friends made it out to be. it seems monotone. unlike the really heartfelt singing the rest of the songs have. and there's so many pauses in the guitar it gets a bit annoying.
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mom is to arrive either wednesday or thursday. we're 90% sure she's going. if she doesnt, dad doesnt leave. which means FUCK! lol. saturday night, is SO saved. lol. im gonna ask her if i can have a few friends over saturday, and invite all my guys. lol. including brian, and donnie, and dallas and nate. i think ashley and nicole might go too. nicole for ian and ashley for nate. i think it would be fun. lol. that way ashley doesnt ahve to go to the union. oh man, it would so fucking awesome if brian made it.
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dec 12 will be teh greatest day this whole year. i really really really hope i see derek. and none of you have any idea how happy ill be. depending on what hotel he stay's in, ill prolly visit him there, if i have my car, we could so go anywhere in lincoln. OMG! im so happy. i cant wait.
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there's a benz in the paper for 1000. dad is REALLY considering getting it. cuz, our bank is closing, so he'll have full access to my account as of then, so every paycheck i make he's taking like, 20 to 30 out i think. cuz last time i only made like 60 something. oh well. itll be fun. fuck. i still have like 20 minutes till i can leave. oh well. my eyes hurt really bad. im wearign nicole's hoodie. i think i forgot to do my french homework. dude. nvmd. dad likes head automatica and therefore, is REALLY considering buying me the cd. so, if mom takes me shopping for music *cuz she knows that dad lacks in the shopping department* so, ill either get thursday, von bondies, velvet goldmine, ddr soundtrack *doesnt matter what one, prolly max2 go kylie!* but yeah, if dad wont buy me head automatica, it's my fucking first pick. HELLA YEAH! the nightmare before xmas soundtrack might be a good one too. im having dad make me some cds tonight and tomorrow. that way, i have my music on cds before he leaves. hopefully mom will let me drive everywhere while she's here. just NOT THE FUCKING INTERSTATE. fuck that man. lol. but yeah, im gonna go. you guys enjoy yourselves. loves to all.

-Brittni

Jealousy eats away at us all

i wrote a little in my live journal again today. not that anybody reads it except matt. oh well. it passes the time.
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i met a guy last night named dallas. he's really cute. we didnt talk much, it was mostly ashley and nate and scuba-steve that i talked to. steve and i talked about umbra (lmao) and eddie, and sean, and sean's gf who is totally being macked on by ian. lmao. naughty ian. but it was fun. we hung out till like 11 in the union. ashley wants to hang out with them today, but i cant do it at nine again like we did yesterday. i fucking missed mike's party and im so god damned pissed, but i was in such a fucked up state of mind until ashley called. i didnt get my chinese, nor would dad let me watch Velvet Goldmine. my mind was fucking racing like a god damned nascar movie on fast-forward. mike, mitch, trevor, ian, zach, matt, callen, david (not sugardaddy) and all the other guys that have pre-occupied my mind for the past few months. acctually tho, it was mostly, david, derek, mike, mitch and zach. spending the day with ian kinda made me think. and the way trevor was actig was odd. **omfg did i tell you? i saw him in a towel yesterday! talk about sexy. jesus fucking christ! hes perfect. ok, well, hes every girl's dream. tan, skinny, shaggy dark brown hair that was a little wet, and a white towel, a small towel too. ill shut up** but yes. idk whats going on with me now. i would really like to hook up with mitch. mitch seems like the one who would really care, and act like a bf, idk why, maybe its bcuz he doesnt seem as insecure as the rest of the world. idk. zach, hes more of the one who date bcuz you like each other, but nothing really happens. DUDE, HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW THIS SHIT? WHAT THE HELL AM I? A FUCKING MIND READER. jesus. i need to stop thinking. like i said yesterday, i just need some fucking chinese and some movies and lots of time to sleep.
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there's a few cds that have caught my eye lately. velvet goldmine soundtrack. head automatica. chronic future. noir silence (french). von bondies. the killers. fastball. sr71. idk. im always waiting for the right time for a job but it never comes. fucking union bank here in the highlands has to go and fucking close. what the hell is my dad watching? i met these two girls last night, and they're dating. they were very, well, not as lesbian looking as youd think people would be, but they're not attractive. fucking, i dont think i could get a good looking girlfriend for the beatles. i have no luck with guys OR GIRLS. kameron knaff asked me if i liked girls in the office on thursday, or friday, im not sure. friday. yeah. and asked me if i like girls, and i was like, umm, DUH! lol. he gave me this 'holy-shit' type look.
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yeah, cj ryan and frank galusha are really pissing me off. they cant keep their fucking hands off of me. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! my boobs are mine, not your to touch. thats for bfs at very, umm, well, behind closed doors. wtf makes you think you can just come up and start feeling me up? so, while im trying to force them to stop, and i finally get them to, im starting to write sabrina about matt *k*, they fucking pinch my nipple so fucking hard. i almost cried! and physical things hardly ever make me cry. so i go 'holy shit!' and i get sent out for it! WTF?!?! im so sick of being sexually harassed. either that fucking rumor that shit faced mother fuckers think is funny, or by touching me. sigh. at this moment in time, i could fall over and die, and as soon as my heart stops, id be happy

-Brittni

Foutains

yay. i had fun. i was hoping nicole could stay again tho. we left last night (since she didnt get here till 8 so i sadly could not go)and we walked around at like nine. hung out with mike. i kissed him, but it wasnt a mutual thing and i know he dont like me. oh well. im starting to think, if he doesnt like me, oh fucking well, its not like ill ever have someone i really do like. they either have decent/perfect personalities, or are very fucking ugly. or both *callen* j/k. but yeah. oh fucking well. we also stopped at mitch's and i said hi. he looked really cute. we got food, came home, got yelled at, went to sleep. woke up, went to ian's and woke him up. he just happened to be naked but thank god for bed sheets. lol. went home, back to ian's , trevor's, ian's, then the u stop. hung out there. went to the fountain. i sat down on the bench from last week, and trevor sat where he sat and i almost cried to i got up and wlaked off so i didnt seem so whiny. he left and went home. and ian, nicole and i hung out. i found out that, last night, when i opened up my screen door, the handle had gooey shit on it, and it was all bcuz of josh. josh burdena nd ian put sex jelly on my door. LMAO. im so pissed at josh. i ran thru the fountain in my clothes. my jeans and shirt were soaked. so i took off my shirt and ran around in my bra and jeans. why? idk. prolly trying to act stupid and distract myself from crying. but yeah, ian turned when he wasnt suposed to. oh well. he's fat jsut like me. if he dosnt like what he sees, he can turn his head. for some reason, i know this sounds gay, but i craved a cigarette last night. out of fucking no where i wanted a cigarette. why? idk. lately. ive realised a lot of shit. like, so many people treasure each other. im not treasured. literally. im a burden on everyone;s part. my dad, my mom, ian, trevor, mike, mitch, zach, michelle. i dont think ive ever not burdened someone with something. i always have to piss off everyone. and i sound like a whiny ass little bitch. im reading this book called Fast Girls. its about girls who were the 'high school slut' and how rumors fucking ruin everything. i wish every girl had a day in my shoes. maybe then they'd think twice about the shit they say to me. i mean, ive been 'mrs slut' since 4th fucking grade. oh well. you dont care. nobody really cares about it. so fuck this. i guess life goes on. and i fucking want chinese take out. i would give the fucking world for two boxes of imperial palace's beef lo mein and a movie. idk what movie. maybe watch emma and dracula. lol. love stories and vampire movies. wicked. ttyl tho. im off to see the wizard we call tv. kisses

-Brittni

Lainey

some quizzey thingy i found in liainey's lj......hmmm? interesting enough

Your Celebrity Bitchfight by on_a_star
Your Name
Age
You Will Fight	Paris Hilton
Because	your tits are bigger
How Many Minutes The Fight Will Last	23
Your Damage	cuts from broken martini glass
Her Damage	scratches from fake fingernails
You Will Be Interviewed On	David Letterman
Quiz created with MemeGen!

_more_

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
On	January 18, 2011
Quiz created with MemeGen!

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Your Boobs
Special Talents Are	Nibbling
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:	Your Dashing Good Looks
Your Favorite Target:	Cops
Your Kill Count:	444,133,382
Your Battle Cry:	"Allow me to molest your face with this rod!"
Years You Spend in Jail:	38
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:	$42,602,488,529,270
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 78%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

OMFG this is hilarious

Your Stripper Info by radioface
first name
age
Stripper Name:	Skipper
Specialty:	pole-grinding
Customers say:	"She's way too hot to strip"
Quiz created with MemeGen!

how fucking true, i wish my death would come sooner tho

Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
Gender?	FemaleMaleUndecidedBoth
How will you commit suicide?	You will slit your wrists
How many tries will it take?	53
When will you commit suicide?	January 21, 2031
What will your suicide note say?	Life is Love. Love is painful. Yet suicide is swift and sweet
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I GET CHESTER THE MOLESTER. FUCK YES! **lol, im luaghing so hard right now*

Who will give you an orgasm? by leslie13
Name
Age
Virgin?
So, who will make you moan?	Chester Bennington
How?	Manually.
Will it be good?	OH YEAH.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

dont mind the alcohol but, toby mcguire or w/e? futurama! HELLA YEAH

Your Ultimate One Night Stand... by crispnite
LJ Username
Favorite animal
You invite over...
They bring...
You talk about...
You end up...	dropping acid
Quiz created with MemeGen!

dont really like the deftones, but IM A FUCKING BASSIST!

Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Your Name
Band Name	Deftones
Role	Bassist
Trademark	Punk Rock Fashion Sense
Love Interest	Well-Known Actor
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Photography

im in class right now and mr hute is pretty much watching me type this so i have to watch what i say. *giggle* i decorated mike's locker, and he didnt even get to see it. the paper is kinda messed up. the yellow. and i didnt get to write with green marker. :( oh well. hell like it. im just hoping he'll wear the shirt i made for him. the keyboard is on my lap, this is fucking awesome. jeremy niemi and i are sitting next to each other and hes watching some random emo video. the one he ust showed me was really cool. he asked me if i was going to the suckapunch bbq. wtf? thats news. i know i heard something of it. i might go, partially cuz he asked, but, only if ms helzer isnt going since she DID marry the trumpet player from Setlle For Less. ugh. thats bad that. safri better not fucking freeeze *lol matt* toasty wants to play counter strike. lol. id rather play nerf, or like, fable or something. even tho i dont own it. jeremy's staring at his comp with his mouth open, its fucking hilarious. he is cool tho. cooler then i figured hed be. i always thought hed be stuck up or snobby. its sad hes moving back to georgia after this semester. atleast i got a class with him. that makes me happy. he's really funny when he wants to be. shit. i forgot to do my english homework. im wearing my avalanche shirt, its really cool. not too big either. and my eye's have red and blue eyeshadow, so i have lns colors on. i hope the whole rollerhockey team works out. nick l better join us. i would so ply and wear my jersey. i just completely forgot what i was typing and got interupted by credit card talk. wtf? i feel old. i wish i was, like, well, acctually, this is the best year of my life. excluding the cuts on my arm. ian shithimself pretty much over it. im so ashamed of it tho. jeremy has really big, but skinny feet. lmao. im so stupid. i wish i knew his lj addres. g2g and check out my lj. ttyl. loves

Brittni

Drama

can u believe i hit 100 posts and didnt say a damn thing? crazy right? i didnt have the comp yesterday, sucks i know. i had to clean my room. my room is now clean. and none of my geometry for chapter 2 is done. but we learned the law of syllogism, and of course, nick l, being an idiot says *very loudly and in the front row by ms denter i might add* Hey Sean, you have some syllogism on yuor pants. lmao. go nick. it's been renamed Nick's law. lmao. well, geometry is fun. laughing with nicole, making faces at matt and laughing at nick. life is good. dad and i want to start the lns gators r.h team. word bitches.
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trevor and i broke up. and its cool. i only cried when he had a last kiss type dealy. we're friends. i can admit now, i have crushes on some of his friends, and as far as i know, hes cool with it. we can fucking tell mike likes me but wont say shit about it. i swear that mike told mitch that i like him bcuz on the bus i was getting funny looks from him. ian's a metrosexual. he admits it. its really bad. that means i kissed a metrosexual. then again, i kissed ******. lmao. and that doesnt spell out trevor. zach has no idea i like him unless mike tells/told him. but him and mitch have really good hugs. warm, full, squeezy hugs. the kinda you really need when you need to cry. mitch is taller then me, but zach squeezes a little more. we *mitch, mike and i* came to the conclusion that trevor's hugs suck. and they do. but i like/d his kisses. well, the ones i recieved anyways. idk if ill go to squeek's party. i know i should but the whole, tons of preppy whores thing is the problem. so im gonna talk to him. i had some little urgey thingy to really hug mitch today. odd? yes. oh well. jazzy says that aaron knows i like him but she says hes not too comfortable with pda and wouldnt even kiss her at all. strike him off my list. i know my wintery depression is hitting and i think thats why i feel the need for a bf. someone with big hugs, who can kiss me at school, and hold me in public. somebody to lsiten i guess. somebody that, as of right now, is either hiding, for fucking with my head. or doesnt exsist. idk. sad love sogns dont make it any better. thats for sure.
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i got so much shit for mike's locker. not as much as trevor, cuz then i had michelle to help me. but he'll still love it. im goving up my stuff for my norwich shirt to make him a brasil one so he better love me. maybe ill get a kiss out of the whole thing. lol.
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i have a bunch of callen's clothes. that i kinda want to return. just to see him. i miss him. idk. i do but i dont. idk. im fucking stupid. i miss jared, but i see him all the time now.
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ive been singing more lately. and things have been going really well. i admit, the songs i sing are love songs and shit. and like, things people dont listen to, but i still feel really good. i hung out with mike, trevor and decklan *sp?* yesterday. it was great. cops, nipple rubbing, throwing shit, punches, and mike was flirting with me. we walked home, all atleast an hour late, and sang the whole way home. lol. it was great. thankfully trevor didnt sing any puddle of mudd. well i g2g get ashley to help me with mike's gift. ttyl. loves
.
-Brittni

Poems, rescued and re-written

. Sitting along in park trees and watching the people go by.
You never know whats really there until you open up.
And when you stare into their eyes, and long for that kiss
Which your picture cant give you.
And youd give anything to be next to them Right now.
Forever.
And you could listen to them laugh for endless nights
And dream of rainbows and beaches and the things you wish you dreamt of.
They feel this certain way, you cant change them no matter how hard you try,
And no matter what they mean to you.
Deep down.
Where few people have been.
They take on star-rides and wave-walking.
Things you never Dreamed of.
And you'd look into their eyes and tell them
How you feel, and they'd back away and fall away to where you
Couldnt reach them.
And you're left with a sense of longing for
Them. to look into their eyes that always sparkle
And their heart that welcomes you home.
.
your eyelashes would flutter
you looked like an angel
and i feard your awakening
to tell me you dont love me
and i never wanted to let you go
but i had to
to wipe away my tears
but you're so perfect, angel
you dont see
what you truly mean to me
im praying this poem
will reach your heart
and then youll kiss me and say
you love me.
bcuz i love you angel.
.
you could count every freckle
well i could count every fleck of blue in yuor eyes.
you would walk to the edge of the earth
well i would walk to diablo himself and request life from me to you.
for once compare us.
her and me.
who could really love you. who
has cried over you.
longing for your love?
and who ahs made you cry, carelessly.
heartlessly? what is she?
she is not for you.
you deserve better.
.
blue tint
trough my eyes.
the kind you see in scary movies,
when everyone's afraid to die.
death is a mere formality of life.
im afraid
ill admit it baby.
im afraid to lose you,
try to watch my every step and be myself,
but i dont want to lose you.
you dont want to hold me
my blood runs cold.
i try to scratch away my flesh,
to free the pain from inside
yet its not permitted.
from you.
red tint
through my eyes,
burns through,
when happy memories of her surface.
fucking jealousy baby.
it eats away at everything i am.
i supress it for you baby.
cant you love me baby?
i promise to do everything right baby.
bcuz i love you baby.
.
when my eyes open, i cry
i scream inside
at another day without you.
another painfilled day.
i get up tho, slowly,
almost life less,
and ready myself to be in your presence.
maybe youll smile to see me today.
and the thought
of your love
drives my daily life.
i hope you know,
you're my reason to wake up in the morning.
.
trevor, you know these are for you. i know illr egret sharing these with you. but, i guess i needed you to know. please dont mention these poems unless you REALLY have to. please. luf

Spin You Around

derek. the music on your blog is what keeps me from reading it. it freezes up my internet and kicks me off. grrr at the music.
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now. i love being confused. like, good confused, like puzzles and random people, like trevor. but, i hate being confused about emotions, like the way i am with trevor. lol. i mean, like, he's either really affectionate, or acts like we hardly know each other. i guess we hardly know each other, but, he kinda pushes it to a minor extremity. he held my hand on the bus, IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. wow! its a first. lol. i was talking to alyssa and jazzy and i go 'i think hes starting to like me' they BOTH kicked me in each shin. im not too sure about him. and as zach says, i dont think he understands him. i mean, if he likes me AND meghan, thats understandable, but, call me crazy, but i dont think thats the case. its just, one moment im holding his hand and he doesnt mind and we're kinda flirting. the next, we're JUST friend and he makes sure everyone can see that. idk. i cant complain, im so happy to spend so much time with him and to be considered close to him at all. oh well. i sound pathetic. i guess ill jsut ahve to call him and see whats going down. it'll get better when i feel a few certain people arent ignoring me.
.
today was very interesting. michelle got mad about me calling her a redneck, when it was a joke. even tho i REALLY hate people who hunt. david and i acctually talked. some little kid who knows my brother asked if i like trevor.....wtf? lol. i skipped pe again. spent the class in the showers reading/writing poems. slept in ms denter's class. matt watched me a little, lol. apparently, ms denter doesnt know. i slept in world history also. im glad no one wakes me up. stupid fuckers. this time my leg didnt become a noodle tho.
.
the winter is coming. and my annual winter depression is hitting early. im not too glad aobut it. i am running on low sleep and my emotions are beign fucked with by mroe than one person so im not in a very stable state of mind right now. thats why ive been crying so much lately. i apologized to trevor for it. i think im rubbing away at his nerves. and yet i itch to tell him my feelings. it sucks. hopefully my wonter depression will hit quickly and shortly. and leave soon after and not ruin my life like it does every fucking year. dad's working out right behind me. lol. i want some imperial palace. beef lo mein. mmmmm. im lsitenint to Baby's On Fire to try and get trevor's song out of my head. GOD DAMNIT. FUCKING. BITCH. FUCK! fucking depression. ill be ok tho. i know its coming, and i know to stay happy. this year will be better. besides, i have all my freinds to help me get thru. trevor, mike, zach, mitch, ian, michelle, sabrina. so many people. lol. both matts. this rocks. i g2g tho. loves to you all, thanks for caring.

-Brittni

The Dream

The Dream written 9/20/04

I dreamt of a day
when you would be mine
Here is how it went:

We met at the park
one night at random
as the stars shone
bright as your eyes.

I appraoched slowly
waiting to see you
not sure what I would find
Till I heard you singing.

You know what song I heard,
the one that makes me cry and laugh all together.
Every line of that song
I wish it was true.

Your face was half lit
in orange street light
You smiled something rare
Embraced me, something new.

I dont remember the words
that passed between our lips
or the things you said, to
make me feel this way.

It was time to go
Sadly though true
you walked me home,
to the place I spent the days.

We reached the street
I let go of your hand.
And I circled with my arms open wide.
Spun in circles, around.

The world left me,
then you stopped me.
Our eyes stopped at each other
and you smiled.

Your lips met mine,
In a sweet embrace
seeming to last forever.
you broke away and I stumbled.

You said three words
eight letters
that meant my world
I Love You

I awoke then
to brute noises
signlaing the start of another day
another day without you.

~

Poison
One drop of poison
to my blood
for every tear
that has disgraced
my imperfect cheeks

Mitch's Party and then A Night Out

dude! ok. i have so much to tell you. ok? so please hang in there with me. cuz it's a long but fucking entertaining story.
.
trevor and i kinda had a tussle friday night as you could tell. so the next day i went to michelle's house to tlak about it, and yes, i did cry to her. but she made me happy again and made me laugh. we were waiting for her bf and mine along with mike. well rd arrived, and we kinda talked and shit. then finally, trevor and mike showed up, along with sir ian. lol. they wanted to watch thirteen ghosts. so we did. which, might i add, is fucking kick ass! then we jumped outside. joked around. acted stupid. then michelle went inside to eat and we were gonna leave but we didnt and we hung out more. then we went out back and talked. mike has an oral fixation and ian proved it when mike took a pop tab out of his mouth. and then, when trevor left, i did the same kinda thing as before and we kissed. but, umm, well, it was a little bit more than kissing. lol. apparently he was gonna wait till the party, i dont see why since the most we did was hold hands till i kissed him goodbye. and i came back to michelles and hung out with michelle, sir ian and mike. it was fun. as i left, ian and michelle were dancing to Lean Back. it was fucking hilarious.
.
took a shower and cleaned the dog pee spots outta my floor and left to mitch's party. i arrived. it was kinda boring. mike got hit in the face with mitch's elbow and now the side of his lip is fucked up and black and shit. i 'kinda' met butters aka chad bailey. we didnt get introduced but, heard him and talked to him later. trevor arrived at 10 past seven. i went out front and watched mike, zach, ian and trevor skateboard. it was awesome. tlaked to the taylor kid. i think thats his name. he agreed with me that the party wasnt the greatest. ian acted kinda lonely parts of the night. trevor had some cheeseburgers and we went downstairs and played hackysack wtih mike. went up later to tp someone's house. we kinda did, but i guess the girls got us caught. btw, i was the only punk chick there, the rest were stuck up sluts except like one girl and i dont remember her name. but yeah, we jacked tp from ian's house. and, ummmm, yeah. trevor got a birthday beatdown. i helped. XD he didnt think i would ever punch him. then, nothing was happening and all they were playing was rap so i went on the side of the house and talked to taylor. him and i were both kinda loners. trevor finally came and talked to me. in truth, i had fun, even tho i missed out on the moshpitand mitch's birthday beatdown. dad came at 9:30 to pick me up. WTF?!?! i was so pissed. i told him to shove it and walked in the back to get my purse and to say bye to mitch, taylor, squeek and trevor. went home, got oline and tlaked to ashley.
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10:20 i went up to my room and changed and grabbed my hoodie and whatever other random shit i might need. called mitch's but trevor had already left so i thought id try and see him. i mean, he had asked me to sneak out with him. got to mitch's and hung out with i think some chelsea girl or something, ian, mike, mitch, butters and zach. later, about 30 min later, mike, zach and i left to mike's house and zach stopped by trevor's house to pick him up. lol. we went over to mike's and hung out there for a few hours. it was fun. zach made stupid faces, we watched southpark a little. laughed, joked, almost got caught by mike's mom. it was fucking funny. zach and mike were beating up trevor's arms still, which were all fucked but the bruises still havent developed. later, just past midnight we snuck out, walked around. we all snuck out except mike. walked around the highlands, over to fletcher and 12th. and like, walked back, stopped by mitchs but he was sleeping. walked to the park from mike's area of the highlands, *this was before mitch's acctually* and saw mouse. she was drunk as fuck and wouldnt fucking shut up. lol. i think she annoyed the guys. *oops* and then we walked to martyrs and got pop, and walked along 13th. we blew up this firework thing and it hit someone's back door and porch. the thing that hit it was suposed to explode. lol. it was fucking hilarious. went back to mikes. hung out. trevor was hungry so we made a list of the shit we wanted and he rode zach's bike to the gas station and mcdonalds and zach mike and i just hung out. it was fun. mike was yawning and made the freakiest faces and noises. lol. and zach had the most hilarious face during it. we were laughing so hard. and then mike asked about what happens if ur eating a girl out and she queefs. LMAO. zach and i had a fucking field day with that. then he asked what happens if your getting head from a girl and you piss. LMAO. so zach says *this is fucking memorable* Dude, no wonder she queefed in your mouth, you pissed in hers. OMFG! i havent laughed so hard in years. we just realised to lock the door, when, trevor knocks, and i about screamed. about a fucking minute later goes 'dude, its trevor'. lol. i cant even remember how far he rode that damn bike but that boy must have some legs on him. we had mtn dew, sobe adrenaline *which i left at mike's* and a shit load of candy. lol. soon after, we fell asleep. i was right next to trevor. i woke up at 8 with a fuckign neck cramp and with my head on trevor's side. i woke up, and a few mintues later, zach woke up. trevor's head was fucking RIGHT in front of zachs when he looked up and goes HOLY SHIT so fucking loud. lol. we soon found out the time, i got my shoe back from when trevor threw it at mike's nuts *from the floor onto mike who was in the bed in the pitch darkness* and put my shoes on and my hoodie. hid in the closet when mike's mom was downstairs. once she was in the bathroom, i left and walked home. the back door was unlocked, and i jsut walked in, not bothering about the noise, ran into my room, put on pj pants and told dad i let the dog in. lmao. im so fucking smooth. *im jsut good like that*lmao. im so awesome. lol. ive never felt happier. three hours with my posse, a party with some of the posse and then hanging out with three of the coolest guys ive ever known.
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so yes, i now feel at peace. im accepted, im happy, im glorious. lol. glorious. lmao. but everything is so wonderful. so many friends now. and my bf is now my age. he turned 15 today. i have to go all out for squeek's locker. lol. i figured out his gift but idk if i can get it in time. its gonna be really hard to live this out. lol. im talking to nana about warped tour next year. we'd take the posse. michelle, trevor, ian, zach, mike and maybe mitch. mitch isnt into most of those bands so idk. but it'd be so fucking awesome. nana prolly wouldnt have much to do as we hung out at the warped tour, but it'd still be fucking cool. hopefully i can lose a little weight before then, but it would be awesome. and then worlds of fun the next day. lol. man, what fun. last night, i showed zach and trevor up and gave myself another smiley. its all puffy now and i want to pop it. lol. but hey, i g2g and help dad clean the house cuz hes a jackass and idk if hell even take me to see sky captain. so ill ttyl. loves
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BRiTTNi

Hands Down part 2

dashboard confessional
"Hands Down"

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.

Football

i went to the game last night. lns vs lsw. we lost. by alot. lol. but i think everyone had fun none the less. last night was the best/worst night of my life.
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i only went to the game to see trevor, since i figured, if i didnt, i wouldnt see him tonight. michelle went with me. it was great. we were meeting up with squeek at the game, cuz i was giving him a ride home. first thing, of course, i went to see trevor. he did wonderfully, and he doesnt want me to say it but he looked so cute in his band uniform. and cute in an understatement. he did wonderful at halftime. so did emily. emily and i changed pants (she had gold leggings for the latin flare group) it was hilarious. and, um, rd and nick c and kevin played football with my purse. next time i go, dad sure as hell isnt going. lol. we were suposed to bring trevor home also, but when he went to put his drums away, he looks up *from the field to the first row where i was standing* and says ' just go, ill make it up to you' lmao. i was happy about it then but im kinda, like, laughing at it now. he didnt want my dad to see him in his uniform. DUDE, YOU WERE ON THE FRIGGIN FEILD. EVERYONE SAW U IN UR UNIFORM. but yeah, i didnt say that and just said ok and left to find squeek. we laughed so much on the way home. and squeek was making fun of michelle and i when we ewre singing. never once *besides nsync* has a friend of mine been able to sing with me like that. and squeek? well, squeek is jsut awesome. really really awesome. lol. im still sad trevor didnt go with us, then maybe well. nvmd. i got home. as, of course, thats the thing i do when i go home. lol. comp first thing,w ell, second thing after i pee. lol. im so stupid. and after a fwe minutes, trevor was online and we had the convo of a lifetime. and i think the only way i acn talk about it is to a person, and to one person and one person only. and, i knew almost everything he said, i knew that it was true, and it had crossed my mind before. but, when he said it, it blew my mind and i cried. of course. i cried till 3 am and i went to bed at 12. its just, idc if im not the one who does it, but he really needs to see what shes made him do. the drink. the scars. wtf? and he still wants her? yet, he says im lucky bcuz i got over jared. so, idk. he talks so highly of her. yet, he says shit like that. and i really want to talk to him but id think hell be stopping by after what happened. ill prolly be at michelle's anyways. idk anything at all. and i mean, yeah it bothers me that when he hugs me he thinks of her, but im so fucking into him i have no choice. lmao, and michelle said im lucky. and, idk, cuz he said hes hardly even had her on his mind but he says when he hugs me, he think of her. he hugs between almost every period. lol. and poor josh had to hear my complaints about, well, him and i being seen in public. poor josh. ill make it up to him. somehow. but im gonna go. i guess. prolly make some tea and wait for michelle to call. i might even watch a little tv, that or listen to the song i had on repeat all last night. i think that kinda provoked more crying, but hey, you dont fucking listen to acdc when you're depressed as fuck right? either way, im making his gift. and ill have even more to put on there.

-Brittni

The God

im loving the title. lol. hopefully, since you guys CANT see titles, you wont see this one. trevor, sweety, im not making you sound like a god, you jsut made me very happy and i wanted the world to know about it. im sorry if something irked you at all. im, just, the HAPPIEST person ever. im gonna be so much happier and louder than sabrina and thats a hard feat for anyone to accomplish, let alone me.
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last night, when i went to bed, i was suposed to sit down and make little note cards, for what, is a secret, but i didnt. i climbed into bed and fell asleep. to shinedown, and i wanted to read the lyrics but they ddint have it in the cd flap. sigh. what use is an autographed cd flap without lyrics? i just realised last ngiht, i could be mistaken for an obssessed shinedown fan. the poster, the tshirt, the cd, the pick, and the autographs everywhere. ploop. lol. tomber, tomber. singing the french. oh yeah!
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i smell cookies. literally. omg trevor, last night, my dad had a tuna sandwhich for dinner. lol, made with a can of tuna, and on the top of the can said 'vaccuum packed for freshness' LMAO! I BURST OUT LAUGHING. my dad thought i too, was stoned.
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monday night and wednesday night both remind me of Hands Down. especially wednesday night. the whole song, the lyrics, especially certain lines can relate to the : trampoline, fountain, fountain(s), the wet grass, getting into the house, and laying on the bikepath. not exactly romantic, but so fucking memorable. michelle: HOLY SHIT! lol.
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derek needs to fucking fix his god damn computer. and like, rid his blog of that damned song. it makes it so i cant open the blog itself. i have to go thru the blog dashboard and read them that way. derek. i have so much to tell you. if only i could fucking call you. come here to lincoln, away from small ass mccook. lol.
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michelle and i had so much fun last night when we went shopping. only spent about 10 dollars. and even used things from her mom. this is gonna FUCKING ROCK! lol. ill tell everyone about it as soon as i get home before i change for the game. dad's taking me. I GET TO SEE ALL MY BUDDIES. michelle, if you wanna go, my dad can take us there and home. XD im so happy you guys. FREESTYLE FROG. lol. you'll get it later. i smell like curve. and it fucking smells good. it reminds me of matt. and i want more of this curve. lol. curve incense for five bucks at spencers. WOOT. now i need a ride and five bucks. lol. michelle is so awesome. alot cooler than fucking christina. atleast michelle dosnt complain and whine bcuz the men of this earth dont worship her. that and, michelle can kinda skateboard, instead of do a high kick and ake some pompoms. lol. skater vs cheerleader. you know who i prefer. michelle is one awesome bizzitch. lol. we made confetti *i got mad at mine, lol* and just, holy crap really. i g2g tho. ttyl ok? loves. toodles. HAVE A GREAT DAY.
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BRiTTNi
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p.s. trevor's new nickname, only to be used by me, is skittles. lol.

Trevor

hey. yeah, um, you have no fucking idea how great life is. seriously. im badass, but doing well, keeping from getting caught and more friends then ever. you all will be happy to read my happy notes.
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trevor and i are now dating. let me show you how this came to be. part 1 is as follows:
Brittni: you need someone better than her. someone who would at this very second be there next to you like i am, and who would walk to the edge of the earth for and/or with you. someone better.
Trevor: *grabs brittni's hand so soft and gently and holds it up* i already have found someone like that, someone better.

part 2:
Melissa: aww, you two are so cute.
Brittany J: are you two dating?
Trevor: yes
Brittni: WE ARE?!? *now picture my face blushing beyond all compare*

isnt that sweet? yeah, he's really smooth. lol. very smooth. today, we were all hanging out at michelle's house and talking about our day. ian didnt talk much, but HEY, it was ok. im not mad at him, at all. in fact, we're friends. i mean, best friends with trevor: dating trevor. it only makes sense. then, we were on the trampoline, and trevor had to leave so he wasnt grounded. and, i told him i was chicken shit....he walked away, started skating and and then i started running. i ran so fast. i yelled TREVOR. lol. and like, i walked up and he goes 'wut r u doing?' and i go 'kissing you' and kissed him, turned and ran. lol. more in the later hours, ok? LOVES.......

TO BE CONTINUED

Kirianov

mr kirianov will kill me if he finds out what the fuck im doing and frankly i dont fucking care. i feel like so fucking pissed. and frustrated. and for once, in a long ime, i fucking feel emo. i fucking hate it too. why doesnt ANYTHING fucking work? sigh. i DONT want david at all. i dont want to date a god damned pot head. fuck that. and, well, im not saying anything more. i guess i should be happy either way. sigh. life is life man. thats how it FUCKING is. id better get used to it. im playing hands down. ian really hates me and never wants to talk to me again. michelle thinks trevor and i will date....but......AHEM......."not bf/gf".............i htae to say it, but..... I TOLD YOU SO. i hoped/thought id never have to fucking say that. teachers are pissing me off. people think im fucking happy. well fuck you. im sooo fucking pissed. ive got quotes ALL over my fucking planner. sadly. even my, uhh, well, bliss poem. he one in my recently updated profile that nobody fucking reads. seven minutes till lunch. i hope these seven minutes last forever, really. that way im alone, happy and without worries. i guess jazzy's advice didnt really work. i should not be crying in school. hopefully tonight ill be ok. i dont want him to see me cry......id stab myself soon after. i dont want to seem weak. even tho i am. hence my patience problem. so, im gonna go dry my tears and go outside alone. bye

Trampoline

I have just stayed awake the ENTIRE night. with ONE person. fucking, went to bed, finished my book, called him and talked to him on aim, snuck out, and basically from 11:15pm till 5:20am we hung out. on michelle's trampoline *blushes* but nothing happened :( but either way i had a great time. a really great time. i got a lot of thigns of my chest and i think he did too. it was nice to just talk. i never knew i had enough things to talk about to fill seven hours, straight. we kinda hoped michelle found us, lol. and we waved at cars. found a frog in the apartment fountains, drank mountain dew, sat by the golf course *got fucking bug bites, but oh well*. listened to a slow-mo cat meowing and dog's barking. umm, and jumpd/layed/talked/slept on michelle's trampoline. i itch all over from the fucking bugs and almost got my ass caught by dad. but, hey, im ok. im cool. im gonna become nocturnal. yay! lol. man, im so fucking crazy. i cant say stupid, or trevor will beat me up. lol.
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ive been asked to sing Des Palmas in front of the UNL language festival. woot. tomber and i think j'en reve encore. so yeah. and nick d is suposed to play guitar. we might have to get a band tho......*DUN DUN DUN* lol. she wants to ask nick and the jazz band, i was like, uh how about not? maybe vince for bass, i dont know any basses, if we need one, but trevor is the best drummer. lol. *love you mtb*
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i g2g tho. ttyl. loves. BRiTTNi

Q'uest-ce que tu va faire ce weekend?

im loving my title for this post. "Q'uest-ce que tu va faire ce weekend?" it's french for what did you do this weekend? i did nothing. well, i did stuff but it sucked. i am so pissed that i couldnt make michelle's party. and the pictures made me even more pissed. oh well. right? my party will rock and ill make up for it. im going to try and post a guest list on this post. that way, if you're not on the list, you cant get in. unless i let you. lol. mwuhahaha. but anyways.
.
saturday, i woke early, left to omaha. i babysat my cousins from seven till like, one pm. we went to julio's for lunch. its in downtown omaha. their chicken was ok, but im not much for mexican. and the honey mustard was too mustardy and not enough honey. we went home after dad napped. i drove home from a truck stop just past the linoma lighthouse *on the way there* or jsut before it on the way home. it was cool. i did fine. i made a few mistakes. but it was ok. i did almsot cry. but i as ok. we got davinci's for dinner. at liek 8. lol. talked to jamie and one of her freinds. watched the ring. and then spent the rest of the night on the comp while mike and dad watched scary movie 3.
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i talked to trevor. and that kidna got some shit off of both our backs. i was glad i got to talk to him. i feel so sorry for him. i mean, i would give alot for him to date me, let alone a person, within its self to care about me the way hes cared for this girl. and she just doesnt fuckign care. and if he didnt like her so much, id kick the shit out fo her. she's fuckign stupid. he loves her. like, unconditional love. and she's broken up with him three times, and gone thru many a guy. wtf? oh well, i cant do anything about it except be there for trevor. im hoping we can hang out today. he's so cool. poor kid tho....tisk tisk.
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i was looking at the pics of ian from michelle's party......and i ahve come to the conclusion that............. IAN WOULD MAKE A GREAT GAY GUY. lol. its true. the pose, the man-handling, the voice. everything. he would make a fucking awesome gay guy. maybe thats the explination for not likign a single girl in school, and for not having sex till hes 16. but, w/e. lol.
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im photography, i tried to get jeremy to let me take a pic of him, and he said no. wtf? did i do something to piss him off or what? i jsut wanted a pic. ill get a pic before he leaves to georgia tho. mwuhahahahahaha. lol. wow my typing is horrible today. i keep messing up every single fucking word. it pisses me off. my hair smells like strawberries. sigh. i feel really odd. very frustrated. je deteste un keyboard. j suis frustrated et angry. je ne suis pas heuruex. lol. my french sucks, i know. im too lazy to try and translate a lot. jsut what i know. je mets noir. bien sur. i g2g tho. ttyl. loves.
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BRiTTNi
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Guest List:

1. Matt
2. Matt K
3. Michelle
4. Ian
5. Trevor
6. Mike V
7. Mike H
8. David K
9. David
10. Andy D
11. Jamie
12. Nate P
13. Connor M
14. Bailey
15. Matt R *fucking too many matts*
16. Brian S
17. Donnie R
18. Ashley
19. Alyssa
20. Mickey
21. Steven
22. Sabrina
23. Frank G
24. Derek B
25. Nick D
26. Billy H
27. Derek C? *oooh man that would fucking rock*
28. Jolinda
29. Jordan Dau
30. Jamie's friend *idk her name but shes wicked awesome*

Stubborn

_angel's wings_

_upon my heart_

_flutter for you_

_no more_

like my poem? its pretty nice. mike let me borrow the Three Days grace cd. its better than i thought it would be. i hung out with ian on the bus. well, i guess you could put it that way. he was talking so much shit. it wasnt even funny. i know he was joking, but he really made me feel bad. and trevor was sad and wouldnt say why. it kinda bothered me. but, omg, ian was such an ass. it was as if he had some new hatred for me. idk. i almost asked out matt but him and michelle like each other so my dumb ass is trying to hook them up. idk y. i gto david's phone number. woot. hes so cute. he wants to see me this weekend. its really hot in here and im about to get into my pool. bcuz the heat is making me dizzy. monday i stay after school with mr hute and im taking a shit load of pinhole images. some of me, and i might get a friend to stop by so i can pic them. lol. im buying like 2 dollars worth of paper (8 8x10s) which means 32 pictures. wootamos. and what have you. my back hurts. and i need to get into the pool. badly. very badly. hopefully dad wont mind. i also want to read my book. ive checked out almost everybook in the library about tudor england. lol. well, im gonna go. hopefully ill be at michelle's party. ill be sad if im not. then again, i wont have to face that beautiful nightmare.

BRiTTNi

First Straw

i was listening to the exies this morning. good times. that cd is clean! thats how little i listened to it. i cant find my des palmas cd. gah! madame hemminger is gonna kill me. she needs that cd. and we might sing it at the lied center! WOOT! french plays are gonna be at the lied center november 12. if anybody wants to go with me, they should let me know, i have to give her info by sometime next week. sabrina and i might go to a dance saturday after i babysit ryan and jessica. i have about 10 minutes till i ahve to go outside. i posted some new pics on imagedump. ill have derek uload some once his poor comp starts working. I LOVE YOU DEREK. lol. i met this david guy. and i think i like him. he has surf blondish brownish *chantain* colored hair that is kinda like straight but flares out at the end. and bright blue eyes. mmm. but hes a senior so i dont think he likes me. i wouldnt mind 'hanging' out with him. he got kicked outta east for drugs problems. silly pot head. but he's so cute. im single you guys! THIS IS THE LONGEST IVE BEEN SINGLE SINCE FEBURARY. omg. thats fucked. lol. i need to call mark. i keep forgetting. i acctually got time to talk to nick dodd last night and matt. i almost asked out matt kittelle but him and michelle like each other. which means i have no chance. so i was thinking about david but id rather spend some time with him that means, just us, and not us, jamie, jamie's friend, lachelle, michelle and ellen. some of these songs remind me of social d. thats bad. that puts emo down. lol. I WANT TO SO FUCKING TAKE A PINHOLE PICTURE WITH JEREMY. omg. that would be so awesome. omg omg omg. lol. and tamica. that would be cool. and it wouldnt look suspicious. lol. but, like, a back to back picture, with them both looking at the camera. i think it would be awesome. well i g2g. i still ahve to brush my teeth. ttyl. loves.
BRiTTNi
aka
Bloody Mary *dont ask*

Wake Up

lol. go call mariah. lol. i am laughing in your face. woohoo, you're so macho, you got your fucking ear pierced. i just gaged mine. i have more 'balls' than you do. grow up. just because you got your ear pierced and you're wearing spikes means shit to me. ok? right now, i like one person. and ill only settle for this one person, and i cant have them. and dont think that bcuz they dont like me in any way period whatsoever that im gonna date you. i JUST DONT LIKE YOU THAT WAY. same with ian. he jsut doesnt like me that way. callen, i know you. i could predict thigns you would say. i knew what you would do, when you would do it and the things you did. i can order your meal from burger king or applebees. thats fucking pathetic. jesus. add some fucking spice to your life. hell, live a little, have a chicken salad instead of a god damned cheeseburger. i dont like guys i can predict. im sorry. i mean, yeah we can be friends and all. but, stop making shit up about some fuckign mariah bitch. oops, did i call her a bitch? im sorry.....NOT!
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matt came over! I AHVENT SEEN HIM IN A WHOLE YEAR! OMG! matt runiuns. omg im so happy. they kidnapped me. lol. and then, we like, were driving and bailey goes 'where does that ian kid live' and i go '730 w burt, why?' and she went to his house, forced me outta the car cuz she wanted to meet him. so i went into his room and saw him. he was ont he stairs. he looked SO SAD. i almost cried. i think its my fault. and i relaly feel like slamming my head against the fucking wall. and he hugged me. and he like, didnt want to let go. and i wanted to cry. and i am now. i really feel like its my fault, since im always saying how sad i am. so, whenever he's talking to me or near me, im gonna be happy so he can be happy. he looked so sad. and just, they way he hugged me told me that its my fault. idk. im sorry ian, if you ever read this. i care about you and you know im sorry. but were jumping on bailey's trampoline and i was about to do a spread eagle kick when matt rolled under me and i fell and he pressed into my leg bending it and i think its sprained. it kidna hurts to walk. i should have ice on it. oh well. but hey, im happy. preston looks a lot better now. but i g2g. dad's cooking. ttyl. loves
BRiTTNi

Labor Day

just got home from ian's. lol. so im writing about sunday and this morning.
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sunday ngiht rocked. tyler was gonna pay for ashley and i to go with her to see dodgeball, so we went downtown right? the line into star ship was fucking huge! *shrek 2* so we decided to skip the movie and wlak around. we went to starbucks *FUCK YES!* and shared a vente vanilla bean creme frappacino. mmmm. it was funny. we made a messa nd had lots of fun. and when we left, there was this homeless guy, so we gave him two bucks. he was so sweet. poor guy. we handed him the money and ashley said god bless you, i said jesus loves you, and tyler said take care. i felt so good! i am so nice.
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then, not knowing what to do, we walked to the union. it was fun. very fun. we ended up there and the stores and food shops were closed, so we rolled up our jeans above our knees and we wlaked around in the water and on the rocks. there's some select people i want to take out there on a sunday evening and take pictures. it was be so awesome. especially in black and white. i ahve a cool idea with a skateboard too. but we finished that. we walked around in a small circle *passing by tina's old sorority* and all the way to the fountains and then to arby's. we ordered, and they charged us for jalepeno poppers when we didnt order them, so i snuck one and we got a refund. and we stole 70+ mints from there. i got 25 ashley got 59. we soon found ourselves randomly wlaking around downtown. lol. no specific destination. then we took an elevator in a parking garage and went to the top. we were spinning and stuff when ashley needed to pee and acctually popped a squat there on the top level of the parking garage. once down to the ground level, ashley found out that they have camera's. lmao. we went back to starbucks after that and i ahd my own tall vanilla bean frappacino and ashley and tyler shared one. it was great.
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ashley's mom picked us up adn we headed home. i was going to stay the night. i came home to get my pants and my dad thought i was high cuz i was giggling and kinda tense from the caffine. lol. stupid daddy. then i went to ashley's. got to see mark. no offense to him, but he looks horrible in a trench coat. he decided to bite my neck, which, was a horrible thing to do. he has a gf so trying to turn me on is a bad idea. plus, he bites very weirdly and it hurts in a weird way. not a good way like normal people. went back inside. good times.
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tlaked to ian for about 83 minutes. but ashley's phone kept shutting off. i called him back at one, almost got him in trouble. oops. :( and then, he said i could come over if i wanted. i didnt know what i would do about my dad *since i would ahve to tell terry i was going home* but i didnt care. left ashley's and cut through a few yards and got to ian's house quickly. he was in a beater and boxers i believe. lol. he looked cute tho. his hair all messy and the sheets and the beater. it was cute. and so i hung out with him and watched tv till he FORCED me on his bed. i didnt want to lay on his bed bcuz i knew hed try and hold me and hug me. but i got on the bed and we sat there and talked. we ahve this little game we play where we look at each other from behind like a sheet or pillow and our eyes are barely visible. its funny as hell. especially if you're an outsider. lol. and i fell asleep around 3am. he woke me up at 6. apparently he watched me sleep!!!omg. i hope i didnt do anything stupid. im hoping he thought i was cute. i know he did cuz he woke me up smiling saying wake up cutie pie. lol. waking up to ian's smiling face has made my day. period. for an hour i drifted in and out of sleep. each time seeing ian smile or laugh. it was wonderful. and then his mom woke up so i had to leave. but, in the morning, he ended up holding me. and i liked it. instead of making me sad and depressed that i cant have him, i was warm and comfortable and happy in his arms. i was glad he held me. we didnt kiss. i didnt even kiss his forehead. lol. i do that alot. im glad we didnt kiss, but im surprised we didnt and true, i am disappointed. but hey, i had fun. and i AM happy. so yeah. i have to go clean. nana's comign in to town. ttyl. loves
BRiTTNi

Dearest Callen

first things first: Ian is VERY precious to me. and if you have a problem with him being my best friend, well fuck you.
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Things change callen, people change, i changed. and then you try to change yourself to fit my kinda guy, wtf? then id be loving who i THOUGHT you were. i wouldnt be loving you at all. i do love you. and i care for you. but like i said, im not IN LOVE with you. sure, i decided at the last minute to go to the fair, big fucking deal. if you wanted me to go, maybe you should have called incase i changed my mind, god knows i do it all the time. there was so many little things i dont like about you tho. the fact that i couldnt go to a party and drink or smoke pissed me off. you were so god damn protective. i mean, thats not protective, thats obssesive. the scary kind. i mean, ian thought 'I' was obssessed. lmao. i couldnt get a tattoo without you being there, trying to stab out every guy's eyes bcuz he could see a little bit of skin. and youd also be wincing cuz you cant stand pain at all. date this mariah bitch. i dont care really. altho, im sure she couldnt hold a candle to me in every fucking way except 'that mommy loves her and she'll treat you nice' as if i was a bitch to you 24/7. i mean, all you could fucking talk about is this video game, that mudvayne song, this video game, that mudvayne guy. thats your whole fucking life. i hope this mariah chick is as churchy as you are. lol. now that ive been with you, you're gonna be trying to get her in bed and shit. lmao. omg. callen. you really need to let go. ok? im not some goddess or gueen. im a low life piece of shit. we both know it. i mean, im not even eye candy, let alone someone you wanna spend five minutes/or a life time with. which reminds me. did you REALLY expect us to date forever? honestly? bcuz i didnt. sure, it sounded sweet and romantic and right at the time, but, it just didnt work out. yes, ill admit, i went to ian's mostly to avoid you. i dont think i can face you callen. if we went to the movies, you'd be all over me and then sad bcuz i wont kiss you and then you'll cry and expect me to feel sorry for you and go abck out with you. and i wont do that. period. i miss you. and, i miss eating chinese with you, and walking to the restraunt, and movies, ill admit that. i do miss you. but im moving on, jsut like you should. besides, we werent dating so i dont see how many promises i broke. ok. i dont need this. and i shouldnt even be reading your blog. my life is complicated enough with ian and trevor and david *different one s.d. not you, he's a senior*. i mean, me and ian are complicated enough to confuse even a fucking genius. trevor.....well he's trevor.....and david, ive yet to talk to him much. lol. you'll probably be happier with mariah. but im not going to think about any of this. period. at all. bcuz ian creates enough problems for me *kidding sweety, you know i love you* i love you callen. i always will, and if you ned to talk you know my number. please move on.

Sincerely,
Brittni

p.s.

BE SURE TO TAG IN THE TAGBOARD. lmao

New layout

blog's new face. it's wicked is it not? the guy or girl, im not sure, is from a band called Malice Mizer. some japanese love-matel band. bascially HIM from japan. i searched and heard a song by an ex singer called Gackt, the song is called Emu For You Dear. it's cool. it sounds more french than japanese. but, its really good. i like it. but yeah, jsut thought it update so you all could see. ttyl. loves
BRiTTNi

Fire

dude. lmao. i am such a bitch. lmao. i was at the school. and in the outdoor calssroom which was dedicated to rosemary thorten, my old science teacher. and like, i had a note from jamie and some twigs and leaves and shit and lit this huge fire. and i was aobut to light my second one when this fat fuck came up and started giving me shit. lmao. here's the convo*its just me and the fat fuck*:
"are you two lighting fires here"
"why yes, yes i am"
"why? are you fucking stupid?"
"no, why do you care? is it your fucking civic duty or something?"
"you're a dumbass, if i call the cops and they come down here you'll go to juvy. do you realise this is school property?"
"no, i thought it was a fucking outhouse dumbfuck! i went to school here, im not stupid, i dont waddle around talking shit to teenagers cuz my fat ass cant afford a big mac"
"dont mock me. now leave."
"fuck you, you fat fuck, ill leave when im god damn good adn ready!"
"dont make me call the cops"
"call em, they might give you a twinkie for a reward"

LMAO!!!! i was so fuckign awesome. it was so funny. his fat face was bright red and he stomped off and nick and i just burst out laughing. lmao. he was so pissed. we left tho. i figured he would call the cops. ont he way home i walked by ian's house so nick dodd and i *nick came over out of boredom* were talking to ian's mom and dad. his parents are awesome. his dad already knows my name. that rocks! lmao. it was funny. we talked about school, ian, trevor, guitars, college, and more about ian. lmao. it was great. his dad tried to give me spots. awwww. that was sweet. he was totally serious. but, you know, dad would shit himself. but i had fun today. ill admit it tho, i played ddr since ian and steven got it in my head. i did well on two songs. but the other one i did really well, but its fucking slow as hell. lmao.
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i ahve a few things to say: its ONLY the second week dude. thats the whole point. its not like we're totally swamped with homeworkd. and yeah, maybe too much IS happening too fast, but you say that, instead of ignore people. dumbass.
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you know whats funny? i changed my layout, and now everyone else did. acctually, aillie did the other day, but the rest happened today. lmao. i am so hungry. i saw cale at the fair. HOLLY SHIT! SOMEONE GOT ON MY PIPPINTIG28470 SN AND WAS LOOKING AT TREVOR'S PROFILE. WTF? OMG. lol. imso confused. oh well. anypoos. whats the dillio? dad's on his way home from the game and im very very hungry. lmao. i ASKED him to buy food but he spent all his money on food at the game. grrrr. im so hungry. ttyl. loves
BRiTTNi

Have you ever

quick post before i change the layout. okey day? ok.
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well, thursday night i went to ian's house. from 5 to 10. there's so much that i have to tell you but i cant. even with me being that angry with him. gah. and such. lol. well, i had fun that night. hit my elbow on his guitar. he's so talented at guitar and he was getting frustrated cuz he 'couldnt write a good song' but the riffs and even possible chorus parts were so awesome. really emo too. i hit my head on the edge of his bed atleast five times. he showed steven up at ddr. steven is really cute, i agree with beth on that. lmao. trevor never did show up, i figured he would. umm, we watched mad tv and some kids next door. but, in the end, i did something i promised myself i wouldnt. i cried. and i spilled my heart out to him. and that probably did the fucking reverse of what people think it would do. so, i pretty much fucking give up on ian, bcuz one, i cant force him to like me, two, he lies to me and three, im just not good enough for him.
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went to the fair with matt yesterday. ooohweee was it fun!!!! i wasnt sad at all, well, when my ear hurt i was. i gaged my left (your right) ear from like 20 to like 10, maybe 12. im not sure. but it hurt. with skull, circly thinged earrings. the skulls replaced where balls should be. they're so awesome. stina tried to kill matt and i. she went after matt and tried to castrate him, and then went after my face when i held her down. wtf? idk. she was pissed the whole fucking time. i dont get it. i guess its bcuz she really likes matt and he wouldnt go with her and he went with me. she should be happy she went with the guy that michelle has her eye on. i mean, you know, i thought she liked tyler t? i dont know. hmmmm. i also saw..... ty tubbs *he's so cute*, sabrina, jordan harris *i missed him so much*, jamie *who also tried to kill me then slapped my ass and poke my boob*, some of matt's friends, steven, mr little from goodrich, andy, and a few other random people i cant think of. seeing jordan h and mr little made me happy cuz i ahvent seen them in so long. i didnt get to see billy tho. that pisses me off. oh well. i got tons of new incense, and two stickers and earrings, a mood ring, and three rings, two of which matt stole, and, like, i had fish and chips. bought them from a tiny shop like in norwich. and like, mmmm, they tasted just like they did when nana and i bought em and took em to our hotel room and listened to robbie williams on teh tv the first night in london. i was so happy to see matt tho. i couldnt begin to tell you. at all. ive missed him for so many months. im gonna write a poem.
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im suposed to see nick dodd today. i dont really wanna see a movie with him, but id like to see him. he's very close to me and i really enjoy his company. GOD DAMNIT IM SO FUCKING PISSED I BROKE MY GOD DAMN HIGH E STRING. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! anyways. yeah, i want nick to help me. i need him to play this song on his acoustic, it's really easy. just, i have no acoustic or e string. fuck. lol. but, yeah, i want to do this song like, unplugged, how i listen to it. and, him and i are kinda in a band type thingamabob. cuz, idk, his experience is just wonderful and he's willing to commit. we have to mi hsi whole 'metal love' with my precious emo. oh well. atleast he's get some good solos. everyone will love them. but yeah. well im gonna go change the template and such. ttyl. loves. think about someone today you love who has lied to you and then said they love you. hurt doesnt it? ttyl. loves
BRiTTNi

Hands Down

wow. school. how fun. jamie and i had some fucking laughs in ummmm, science. lol. we tried stealing the chemistry's matches. and i ate a dirty m&m that was touch by about two classes. i felt sick. lol. jamie came to the bus stop to see ian but he didnt show till after i was on the bus. grrr. and then, these fucked up girls had dog collars on and fuckign acted like dogs. and were barking and shit. WTF? im sorry, i mean, like what you like, but, i dont want to walk thru school seeing you pull another girl along on a chain and then bark while im on the bus home. the bus alone is enough to make someone on pms kill someone. *ahem the black bus driver ahem* but yeah. i feel like shit. im off to the park to read again. im gonna finish Perks Of Being a Wallflower, discuss it with jeremy and then let claire read it. dad might order Sex,Drugs adn Cocoa Puffs. lol. i hope jeremy never reads this. and you have no idea how hard it is not to start talkign about how im so frustrated. my fucking legs still hurt. and my teeth wont let me anything but soup and other liquids. which school doesnt have. lol. and like, boys. so confusing. gah blah blah blah. so yeah. well. i wish i could do the robot. seriously. i almost got mr zabawa to do it. so yeah, im gonna go and do mon homework. acctually, not, ill do it in the morn tomorrow. and im jsut gonna read at the park now till i come home and go see harry potter, which i dont want to see again. ttyl. loves. think about someone that means the world to you and then think of them and not being able to speak to them. loves
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BRiTTNi

My last few days.

oh man i have so much to write.
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yesterday, the mornign rocked, ate some donuts, waited for ppl to show, went to class to have a some-what engaging conversation with jeremy niemi. (holly shit right?!?!) and it was so fun. we discussed books (man, a hot emo boy discussing books......DAMN!) and like, i dont think he's read go ask alice so i might ask him if he wants to borrow it. he recommended Perks Of Being a Wallflower and Sex,Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs. so i checked out 'wallflower' during lunch.
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pe was fun even tho my ass and legs were sore from the day before that. and still kinda are. but i mean, i got to help daana get her pe locker. she's so pretty. shes from germany. shes only lived here a few days. which is kinda sad for her, but i hope she likes it. i try to talk to her but i cant really understand alot of her, but i try. she has some awesome clothes that ive seen in europe before. they're so neat. i hope to become her friend, i bet she's got a lot to say that she cant tell many people. then, jamie came inside from the track and her and i were tlaking. she caught a white moth that like, she kept for the rest of the day cuz i guess they're good luck and she named it casper. then we stuck our heads under the faucet in the showers. lol. and got people pissed cuz we got them wet when we flipped our hair. later, in science, she was talking to it in her pocket and she looked like she was speaking to her boobs *then she did and goes "sorry you're so small"* lmao. and like, yeah, she was telling it to die.
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not much else happened that day. i ask trevor to ask ian if he wanted to go with me and sabrina as a group to the fair friday. but i know we'll run into ian's galpals which, ill admit, im kinda jealous of. even though 'his love for me is the size of a tuning knob of a distortion pedal' lol. but, im hoping we'll all have fun. since sabrina and i are so spontaneous so itll be easier for me to loosen up around ian. and ian and trevor, together, are just fucking hilarious. i hope sabrina and ian can for sure go. otherwise, ill be so fucking bummed.
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im having a sweet 16 party my daddy said. since i havent had a party for three years. november 20th. my exact bday. 25 to 30 ppl max. mostly guys. but some girls. ashley, sabrina, cody, alyssa, michelle, jamie, and me, and maybe michelle stalker, cuz, she's just cool. and like, mike, andy, david, brendan, mark?, mark g, and his friend nick, trevor, ian, brandon, nick d, dustin, garret, HANNAH, and, if im lucky, i could get garret's sis and jeremy to go. omg that would be so fun. we'll laugh as ppl skateboard and fall and like, sneak alcohol, and omg. im so excited. oh. cant forget my favoritest person ever. STINA! she's so coming. just, no gators stuff. at all. lol. ooh. brian and donnie. and maybe brittni. and eric. i coudl rent a place out at antelope park and get VA to play or catalyst or someone. anyways.
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ive never been more confused in my life. ian kissed me. we spent from 8:30 till 11 at his house and we laughed and talked and i felt we got to like each other. i guess not. but idk. i mean, he said it was his first kiss, then michelle said she kissed him and i asked him and he says 'it was awkward' so idk. but, i mean, either he lied or kissed her the next day. and like, he said he 'loved' me yesterday. i know its as a friend, but like, you TALK to yuor friends right? and i mean, when he got off of the bus at his stop, he turned and WAVED! wtf? thats liek saying 'ill miss you' and then he acts like i dont exsist anymore. he used to like bridget bryce. which is cool. i guess. it's better then some stuck up bitch. bridget's alright, i mean, not my best friend, but she's cool. idk. cuz trevor said he liked me. in a way. but now, like, IDK. and our 'kiss' was awkward. when he counted every time we kissed. and idk. i told him i was depressed yesterday and said i better not have any cuts so well, like, one)i do my best to not do that, only once a month if im uber depressed and two)who are you to search my body? lol. he said 'dont be surprised when u wake up in the middle of the sidewalk during the sunrise and under a street lamp with ur clothes torn off of you. and under a street lamp and the dew on the frass collected on you too and there's four strangers standing over you' lmao. fucking detail biotch. LMAO. rofflecopter. teehee. did i spell that right mike? lmao. but yeah, idk, one minute he's acting like we're friends and the other minute like he doesnt know me. and then when i apologize for not saying hi to him on the bus, he says that i dont have to acknowledge him every time i see him. but, wtf? cuz like, i love to say hi to him, and i kinda wish i had funny things to say to make him laugh. and see him smile ya know? like, walk by and say like 'hey ian! you wont believe what happened, i fell on my ass in class today after i slipped trying to answer a question about jews' or aomething, idk. but, his smile is so wonderful. kinda smile that says, comfort and joy. like, be happy and be comfortable. and when i was with him, i didnt cover my stomach once, at all. i felt so comfortable around him. and idk. i like his eyes. bright green, holy shit. lol. i should shut up now bcuz im 'acting stalkerish and need to start ignoring him and focus on something else' cuz somehow thatll get him to notice me. ID GET IT.
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my gums are puffy. from the middle all to my left side (your right) and it hurts to chew. so my food is pop lately. thats it. soda. and maybe coffee. nothing else. and my ass hurts like i told you. and it hurts to sit down. but i g2g cuz my bus will be here soon. ttyl. have a good day and try to think about someone you want, and imagine them pretending you dont exsist. it hurts dont it? have a good day. loves.
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BRiTTNi