Micheal

i can kinda sorta play micheal on guitar now. after being mentally pushed to try it by phil who was showing off, i searched for new tabs and its alot easier. go me. i feel somewhat smart.

getting my hair and eyebrows done on friday. my eyes will be red for 45 minutes. lmao. cool no?

gotta finish up phil's gift. tomorrows is gonna suck. i feel really bad.

cant wait till friday. much loves

Brittni

Civics

im in civics on novanet. go me.

UBER excited for the formal on friday.

i AM playing tennis this year. michelle and i will be working out every moment of every day that she has open starting next week. tennis, jogging, weightlifting after school. all that. starting next week. *cuz of formal*. and dad's going shopping with me nextweek for tennis skirts.

im listening to ATO and my mccook hoodie smells like curve. and all i can think of is the rain, blue teddy bear and idk. curve. and ato. a sunrise fades, this is how i feel at the end of the day. you know who you are.

matt might be goin to formal with emily. talk about a fucking awesome time!

i hate civics but ms nelson hitz rocks

20 mins till lunch but im broke. poo

15 mins

10 mins

if anyone can find the link or can send me the file of 8th wave's crush alot plz let me know. thankies. loves.

Brittni

p.s. THE PARTY ON THE 11TH/12TH *idk which* IS GONNA KICK ASS!

Cask and Cream

im somewhat drunk. and i HARDLY ever drink. last time i did i was sick to my stomach which means i need pizza soon otherwsie the alcohol will make my tummy fluids go out my mouth. i drank atleast three cups worth of cask and cream's CHOCOLATE TEMPTATION. i blended ice, milk, chocolate syrup and the alcohol. then when it was half empty i would fill it back up with milk and alcohol for about ten times. SWEET. i ran into my doorway. i gotta pee and all i can think of is dillon/dylan gurgaling. grrrrrr. i i got in a BAD fight with dad earlier but IM OK! LOVES

PARTY! PPPAAARRTTTAAAAYYYY!

went to a party last night with phil. talk about a pickme up. and it was alcohol free. YAY. cuz i dont drink that much. but it was sooo much fun. lol. it was a surprise birthday party for Nate, who i met at the hockey game. and im glad i went to the party instead of the show cuz jamie was gonna be there. but anyways. there was like 10 kids i think. me, phil, nate, dillon, taylor *i think thats his name*, seth i think, and like billy or bill, and two girls. i liked nate's girl. she was cool and i got along with her. the other girl....like brianna or something...she was kinda of a bitch and not that pretty. and she seemed like a ho. she was ALL over dillon that night....and they werent dating....and dillon would not shut up about her hands being down his pants all night. and those of us who WERE dating did quite well at not being dirty. phil and i would make out every once in a while and it was kinda sweet. yet kinda naughty. lol. nate and his girl are so cute together. its sad that taylor ruined it. oh well. shit happens. he shouldnt have cheated on her *if he did* in the first place. we had a huge pretzel fight and watched the rundown which i kept saying sucked but it was acctualyl good. not like, ive gotta own it good, but it was good. um. we played strip poker. but phil had to take off his shoes and i had to take off my hoodie. it was teams except for the guys who were alone. *poor taylor* and yeah. it was fun. it ended too soon tho. they're coming over the 5th for a party here. my house is no where near as impressive as dillon's but hey....its all good. hopefully they wont mind. itll still rock. cuz im gonna have ashley buy some hypnotiq with money i might hopefully have. so we can play shot poker. or maybe ill just get apple pucker. idk. which has a higher alk content? well i g2g eat. loves!

p.s. ian - thanks for the comment on the tag board.... even tho im not that itno ham and cheese sandwiches

Memory

memory is a curse. but if you have no memory, you have nothing.
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i hate my mom even more. she sent me on a fucking guilt trip. and after this post im going to send one last email to her. the only reason she should hurt more/as much as me is bcuz it was her disicion to ruin my life. shes so dumb. and shes so fucking up. id swear she lives to create pain. i cant stand it. and ive been so happy up until now. she made me cry. weep. i dont weep. until now. why do i get the fucked up mom? the child abuser? the one who leaves? why do i have to life with men and never know the fun of being a girl. my idea of being a girl comes from tv shows and music. thats all i had to learn from till i was about 14 when i realised i was human. idk. why am i so fucked up? why cant i be normal? why cant i ahve a mom to buy me nice clothes and to take me tanning and to dye my hair so i can be as pretty as tonya, or katie, or or or MEGHAN! why cant i be loved like everyone else?
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idk what to do. i feel really dead inside. and all yuo fuckers who care enough to force me not to cut....including phil.....i hate right now. i dont know what to feel right now. hate? anger? pity? resentment? guilt? i feel really void of emotions except pure and utter sadness. emptiness. and i wish i could feel anger. i wish i could feel right now cuz i feel numb. but i g2g get ready and stop crying cuz the party starts in about an hour or so.

Fucking Bitch

i hate my mom

no england bcuz of her

i refuse to apologize

two shows this weekend

catalyst and visual aura friday...go with me or not, idc, im going. i promised korey i would.

tempered level sat. after the mall with emily. matt WILL be there. you have been warned.

meeting cam the 12th of feb. *yay*

i hate myself, once again, and want to die, evenmore. * a new twist on a good saying*

♥Phil and ♥Brittni

Might have less than zero malevolent girls. Are prone to chat. Would like to misspend their youth again. Are the envy of all.

Orchestrated by ianiceboy

.......random

spin yuo around
apin you around
turn your would
up
side
down

Winter Formal

Link: http://www.flickr.com/blog.gne?photo=3810307

my dress.

got my dress today, and a over-shirt, shoes and earrings. found a cute 11 dollar ring that i wanna buy. its fake. but it was size seven, the size of my ring finger and the rock *crystal of course* was huge. i love it. i want it more then beef lo mein. i saw phil at the mall. seeing emily on saturday. she's calling to talk tomorrow....which makes me feel UBER loved! saw phil tho. and hes as cute as ever. i love him so much. am i or am i not seeing derek saturday? he wont tell me. loves ppl!

Beef Lo Mein

i want beek lo mein. now. or else. grrrrrrr for lo mein. dad BETTER get me lo mein. i said im pmsing so hell do anything for me. im not, but i should be shortly. BEEF LO MEIN!
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i sat with ashley and kasey today during lunch. her and i were talking and we BOTH wanted to fight someone. but i had some bitch in mind...kasey just wanted to fight. well after school. IT HAPPENED! I WAS IN IT! these turkish girls called Kasey a bitch. FIGHT. so, four turkish camel nosed bitches were up on kasey pulling her hair and shit. so i jumped in. it was me and kasey beating the shit outta these other bitches. i got one girl up against the brick pole thing. punched her head into the wall. bitch. i pulled out from the fight before the teacher came SO IM OFF THE HOOK! HELLS YEAH! oh what!?!?! so im still pumped up from it. RAWR!
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i hate mr johnson. i like lanney. he walked me to class and i was excused to oral comm. sweet.
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going to stay the night in omaha on the 4th after the formal. still gotta get my dress and my shoes but dad's getting me a hair appointment. yay.
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dillon saw me in the fight. cool. im popular. but hes stupid. i g2g and get ready to go shopping for school and get my hair done and my chinese. loves.

Stars

last night, the stars played sewer city and won 5-3! YAY! phil went with dad, mike and i. it rocked so much. i think i scared phil tho.....during the whistle, a lon whistle mind you, they played the killers. YAY right? well, i FREAKED and jumped and screamed and phil kinda hugged me and kept me still. it was fun! during the third period, phil and i kind walked around. it was fun. we watched the game under the bleachers. he hugs me alot. idk how much he minds it, but it makes me feel so......loved. so close to him. wanted. it was really sweet. thats some of the most fun ive had in a LOOOONG time. let alone with phil. we wanna see the stars vs sewer city this friday. saturday, if im correct, derek's gonna be in? im not for sure, but i think. other then that, during the day, emily and i are going dress shopping. dad BETTER give me the money or ill just idk. the world will end if i dont have that dress. lol. man, im so....happy. i love phil....even tho i was kinda sad friday ngiht and last night when i got home. he had left, and i had something uber important to tell him and now i forgot. grrrrrr at my stupidity. i wanna type all about phil and how happy i am but it doesnt seem normal. oh well. im trying to convince dad to let me drive to mccook when i get my car. he says that, when we buy it, we wont get my license yet, but we'll drive around in it and he'll go with ya know. with my permit and shit. and we'll get used to it so i can take my test in my car instead of his stupid bulky suv. i kinda picked up my room. i just have to sort my clothes...dirty or clean. then, im kinda almost sorta done. you know who's pretty? chloe buzz. idk y but i think shes pretty. shes lucky she has all her friends tho. i have no idea wtf she liked jeremy. hes such an asshole. i think its cute how derek has a boyfriend. idk y, i mean, yeah im jealous.....but thats so adorable. sigh, ill get over it wont i? well, im off now. i got things to buy for phil's valentine's gift....shit, oh yeah....and dereks. lol.

Derek <3 Trevor

ok, like juvy, derek chmiel and trevor blackman are NOT dating. its a trevor in mccook. ok? ok. *happy juvy?*
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derek....lol. you seem all worried, im ok. about that anyways. true, id give alot to be in trevor's place but its all good. i miss you. alot. didnt ur mom say you guys were coming in the 29th? maybe i was hearing shit. you need to email me....if you can...plz! thanks again for the gifts. loves.
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mrs. broeker is the coolest teacher ever! and shes from mccook. talk about awesome!!!!!!!right? right. lol.
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not much has been happening. going to the stars game tonight with dad, mike and phil. umm......school's started again. and second semester ROCKS! lol. i <3 creative writing. and im doing my homework....YAY! lol. ummmmmm. my social life is ok.....i guess. making new friends in a way. lots of old ones in my classes.
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i had a HUGE meltdown last night. apperantly so did tim's gf. i feel so jealous fo the world. i hate it. and i have to put on a fucking happy face for everyone. i hate it. i hate this so much. every morning, you wake up and put on a smile just before ashley arrives. and you're not allowd to be sad until you're alone. i hate it. english and civics both make me want to cry. i hate them. i usually LOVE english. but the ppl, im so alone. so depressed. i hate it so much. you have no idea. and civics is going to take soooooooo long. im starting to think it would ahve been easier to just fucking...like....taken the class. but.....you know.....I HATE IT. idk. im so jealous. jealous of people with best friends. or tight little cliques. like phil and tim. or alyssa, crystal and danielle and sabrina and all them. look at me. im shit. im so full of fucking envy that i practically beg for one person to stay the ngiht with, to giggle with, to tell secrets too. someone to tell all my feelings too, about who i like and who i dont and why. someone to gossip with, share lockers with. someone to love me like a sister. someone ive never had in my whole life. someone to understand. id give anything. ANYTHING. all my friends live in different cities and it seems like different worlds. i feel so alone. i feel so jealous. im jealous of tim's gf lauren bcuz he's so focused on her. *i would know how tim is.dont ask* he loves her so much. and he lets her know. im jealous o phil bcuz, he always has his best friend. my 'best friend' is a gay guy who im crushing on, i talk to him about once a month. and we hardly have anything in common. i am so jealous......jealous of things that i could never say out loud. i ahte the world. i really do. and i was so close to begging for caps last night. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR MAKING THAT PROMISE TO PHIL. and all ngiht last ngiht, i sat there and lsitened to taproot. i was pissed, all i wanted to do was throw shit and scream and scream and scream and yell and throw and punch. i was soooooo angry. angry at myself. angry at me for being me. and i want to do it again. just, like. clench t\your fists and BANG ON EVERYTHING. FUCK EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING UP. RUIN EVERYTHING JUST LIKE EVERYTHING HAS RUINED YOU. sorry that anyone whos reading this, is still reading this, jsut give up now. and its such bullshit. how my dad, him beign him can sit there, idly, watching me clench my fists and forced my eyes to stay tightly shut. sitting there as my head swims, i get lightheated and my breathing gets all fucked up. i ahte me. just like you do too. all i want to do is fucking scream. scream at you, at the world, at jealousy, envy, anger and i jsut want it all to go away. idk wut to do. besides solitary confinement. how aobut that? then you can all have time to spend having the time fo your lives with EVERY FUCKING ONE ELSE. tim and phil and lauren can become best friends even more. derek wont have to wrory about my bitching, and same with juvy and liz and ashley and nate and every one else that hates me but wont admit it. truth may hurt......but ignorance is bliss. so, leave me alone. id rather fucking be alone then falling for a FUCKING LIE!

Im sorry

(Derek here)

I'm sorry brittni. I really am, it may seem like all i care about is trevor, but its not (in a good way for trevor) I been missing not talking to you FOREVER! what are talking bout silly, i didnt grow up and move on lol I love you! just not in that way, but i still love you!. I hope we can talk now that i got our internet fixed at home, ttyl? I hope, luvs much Brittni!

Vday

going dress pre-shopping friday hopefully. my classes are still being aranged. 2-4 rock. i LOVE having french first period. and i loooooove ms. um. i forgot her name. i became a TOTAL TEACHER'S PET with my mccook hoodie. lol. she used to teach in mccook for five years. *YAY* lol. i got phil's vday gift ALL lined up. just gotta purchase everything. lol. yay! lol. im excited. AND i get to see him and emily tomorrow. g2g to bed. loves everyone. loves phil. loves derek. p.s. phil's NEW blog is http://yayfordrugs16.blogspot.com

fcc song

ok, so i had this huge post syaing how much i loooooooove derek's gift and seems really fake to say it again. the hoodie is so wonderful derek! and the necklace and earrings are beauitful. im wearing them to my job interveiw at petsmart tonight. i hope i look pretty enough AND qualified enough to get myself a job. im sure not many girls that are pretty like kelsey lambley will want a job at petsmart so maybe ill luck out. wish me luck!
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IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU DEREK! thats so adorable. you better get a pic of the two of you. or else ill hunt you down! lol.
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eric idle is god. period. nobody ahs ever made me laugh as much *well, maybe jim carrey but hes not british, and maybe josh hinman but hes only imitating eric idle and jim carrey* but still. eric is god. and he wrote this HILARIOUS SONG called The FCC Song...and because i love you and want you to have a good laugh, here's the lyrics.
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Fuck you very much the FCC
Fuck you very much for fining me
Five thousand bucks a fuck
So I'm really out of luck
That's more than Heidi Fleiss was charging me

So fuck you very much the FCC
for proving that free speech just isn't free
Clear Channel's a dear channel
So Howard Stern must go
Attorney General Ashcroft doesn't like strong words and so
He's charging twice as much as all the drugs for Rush Limbaugh
So fuck you all so very much

So fuck you very much, Dear Mr. Bush
For heroically sitting on your tush
For Halliburton, Enron, all the companies who fail
Let's send them a clear signal and stick Martha straight in jail
She's an uppity rich bitch
and at least she isn't male
So fuck you all so very much

So fuck you dickhead Mr. Cheney too
Fuck you and fuck everything you do
Your pacemaker must be a fake
You haven't got a heart
As far as I'm concerned you're just a pasty-faced old fart
And as for Condoleeza she's an intellectual tart
So fuck you all so very much

So fuck you very much, the EPA
For giving all Alaska's oil away
It really is a bummer
When I can't fill my hummer
The ozone's a nogozone now that Arnold's here to say:
"The nuclear winter games are going to take place in LA"
So fuck you all so very much

So what the planet fails
Let's save the great white males
And fuck you all so very much
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http://www.pythonline.com
phil's blog is http://yayfordrugs7.blogspot.com i think
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LOVES
THANKS AGAIN DEREK *i <3 you, and always will, im always here for ya kid!*
BRITTNI! <3

Shrooms suck

i hate shrooms. why? bcuz they last 6 hours and ashley's dumb ass wouldnt stay up that late so i didnt do anything with them and mike stole them. so i told dad mike told me about them. boohoo. oh well. im ok. hardly on the fone or comp today. watched moulin rouge, beetlejuice, and two episodes of Two and A Half Men. attempted making Brandy Snaps and failed horribly. but it was a good day for me. mike got caught sneaking out last night. HAHA MIKE! im so happy. even tho i was up till 5 last night. lol. shit, i was suposed to call wendel. thinking about seeing a movie with phil friday. otherwise, idk. see him atleast is my goal. man, im so happy im with him. especially seeing how dumb some ppl are like mark and lindsey. oh well. im kinda ignoring cailee right now. and chris, which probably means hell with branden. ill TRY to talk to him. i wouldnt be surprised if cailee's complainingto chris and derek about how much of a bitch i am. and you know what? i dont care. honestly, i feel lighthearted and giddy. im so glad i got to spend time laughing with dad today. i <3 him. i also had fishsticks for lunch! WOOT! omelette for breakfast tomorrow, fishsticks for lunch. and chicken cabanera for dinner. dillon jackson is so immature. lol. IM SO HAPPY. I <3 DAYGLO COLORS!

Quickie

going to ashley's tonight. had a nice lil row with mom twice yesterday so i wasnt allowd to go to the hotel party. my mom's such a dumb bitch. miss phil. got fishsticks for lunch tomorrow. saw dillon at hy-vee today. dad's yelling downstairs. prolly cuz all the paper i burned in the fireplace for my marshmallows. ummmmm.....having a red bull tonight. SWEET. making cookies tomorrow. i love phil. ttyl. loves, bye

i feel like total and complete shit

woohoo for feeling crappy! here's my weekend:
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Fri: hung out with ashley after school. well, at 4. i went with her to get her bellybutton pierced. but she got it numbed so it was no fun. it looked pretty cool tho. we went to her house, then walked to amigos for some discounted food and walked home. my toes were so cold in my converse. converse suck for shoes in the snow. grr. lol. we went with cody, picked up todd. he got in the car and looked t me and said 'how the hell is this....oh hey' lol. we havent seen each other forever. so, then we were gonna pick up other ppl, but idk wut happened there. we ended up at josh mayr's house. he was drunk as fuck. him and his brother went with us to super-saver and jason *his bro* bought todd some vodka. then, we went back to josh's house. omg he was sp drunk he was stupid. i took cody's keys so i could go get the vodka. josh got in the car and i had to lure him out with the vodka. lmao. i took about 10 hits off of a bong-stem. lol. ashley took about 3. lol. then cody took my to alyssa's. *p.s. somehwere before josh's house, i bought 2 oz of shrooms* YAY FOR ME. spent the night with alyssa, giggling and shit. talked to ben, dillon's friend. talked to wendel. walked downstairs with cookie tins in my hoodie pockets. lol. they were my 'portable bongoes' lol.
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SAT: came home and shit. phil ended up coming over. it was fun, we watched tv. watched some movies. he was so sweet to me. i love him so much. on the way to take him home, we went to bestbuy. dad bought The Wall. i own the village now. while he was here, mike was sliding on the kitchen floor with the dog, then he put wood polish on it and we could hardly walk on it. phil and i laughed so hard. and then my dad took my popcorn, and sat next to me while phil was on my left. lol. we watched A Life Less Ordinary, Napoleon Dynamite and Frank Caliendo live. lol. frank caliendo is hilarious.
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today: i gotte get ready soon, im going with ashley to her hotel. we're partying at the hojo tonight for her 16th birthday. she rocks. i <33 her like crazy. its gonna be fun. i wont trip tonight, BUT, i will get high.
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binx: what do you mean, what was up with it? you know full well. you read it. emo boys drink. lmao. they drink more then anyone i know. just bcuz ur small ass house's emo boys *if there are any* dont drink doesnt mean real ones dont. ur not fucking emo either. emo kids cant be straight edge. nope. sry. IM SO EMO, IM HARDCORE BUT I DONT DRINK! lmao. you're fucking stupid. stop feeding some image that you think works for you. maybe you should be yourself. not push yourself to look a certain way and act and think a certain way and listen to a certain type of music so others will think 'oh man, shes so hardcore'. its dumb. its not cool. fucking, be yourself. if you like some shirt that's from oldnavy, wear it goddamnit. dont shun it bcuz it doesnt fit ur style. if you like it, love it. if you dont wanna drink, dont force yourself to have an attitude like you do. its so stupid. see derek? he loves guys. he loves gay guys kissing. but he also loves computers. and xbox, and he listens to the most pussy-ass music ever. does he try and change that so everything will think of him as some badass, hot, gay guy? no. he loves himself. period. do you see me trying to listen to hawthorne heights and the postal service and grow out my bangs so ppl think im hardcore? no. my real friends think im cool and they love me. period. i dont need to change. i can listen to lil jon while with phil, and he still loves me. i can listen to franz ferdinand, then the killers, then nsync if i want. my real friends wont stop calling me cool. they wont shun me. you can listen to, and do whatever you want. dont strive for some fucking image that isnt even cool. its stupid. i dont try to be emo anymore...why? EMO PPL SUCK! period. they're mean, they're stuck-up, they're drunks. they say stupid shit and act so hourendously stupid. like this kid jeremy, hot, true, BUT SO FUCKIGN STUCK UP I CANT STAND HIM. dont be one certain way. if you want to dress like ur from under-ground-punk-london, DO IT. learn tho, just bcuz you know one person whos emo, doesnt mean they're all the same. every emo kid ive seen has admitted to drinking lots and usually has a cigarette hanging out of their mouths. so get off the high-horse you rode in on and stop being such a fucking dumbass. dont like what im saying? PISS OFF!
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Loves
-Brittni
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post-script bitches: i feel stupid. why? bcuz i thought derek and i were close. man, who was i kidding. he blogs and is talking about all this random cool shit hes doing. and, he doesnt email, or IM me anymore. period. i feel left out. and i mean, i should be happy that he's kinda, growing up and getting into that highschool aura. it's kinda cool, i think it'd make him a little easier to hang out with....but i still feel.....idk. not really left out, but left behind. idk. its not like derek and i were anything special, obviously. but, im really believing that any hope i had can come crashing down at any moment, AGAIN. cuz, ya know, he meant ALOT to me. sad that that sounds so past-tense. derek....where are you? have you died? i think he died and his spirit is doing all the cool things derek never got to do and then is blogging about it in heaven. might as well believe it, sigh. i wanna call derek a jackass but he didnt do anything wrong. im just so, frustrated bcuz i feel this way and i dont know wut THIS WAY is. damnit, damnit all to hell. i hate this. i kinda wanted to be the person derek did those things with, like, you know, coming in to lincoln and hanging out with me and getting drunk. or high. or something. something like that. idk. i guess im just outta luck whenever it comes to anything to do with derek.

from ludo's site

Andrew's Fake Facts: Contrary to popular delusion, living in the fiefdoms of marshmallow cereals is not all it's cracked up to be. Subjects immerse themselves in the whiskey-soaked world of Irish folklore, chasing rainbows and leprechauns, hunting for jewels instead of jobs. But what are they running from? Perhaps it's the very real prospect of being nocturnally molested by the power-lusting tyrant Count Chocula, of being mounted in their sleep and having chocolate sucked from their necks. Or perhaps it's the guilt that gnaws at their hypocritical guts as they preach abstinence to that poor silly rabbit-bastard, denying him his "Trix," all the while promiscuously gorging themselves on melty marshmallows.
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http://www.ludorock.com

Mall

went to the mall yesterday. saw phil. i got some new jeans. and we went out to eat at granite city. tasted dad's pumpkin winter spice beer. damn was it good! it was like the beer version of pumpkin pie. mmm. im so happy i got to see phil. he seemed UBER distracted during dinner tho and it kinda bothered me. atleast he didnt watch me eat. i guess its for the better. i laughed alot. and we did more hanging out then groping. sry. it kinda bothers me. where the hell is derek? did he die? it seems like it. grr. flava-flav is so cool. except he called my cell and my dad was pissed. oh well. dad bought the village. and he bought steak and taters. FUCKING YUM. guess whos having a baked potatoe tomorrow?!?! ME! lol. unless dad lets antonio and wendel and nick and chris come over for pizza. grr at him if he doesnt. oh well. either way im happy. science and french finals tomorrow. i think ill do well. im pissed that i have to appeal to the attendance commitee so i dont fail geometry. ALL BCUZ I WAS FUCKING SICK FOR FOUR DAYS. FUCK YOU LNS! FUCK YOU LPS! DIE BITCHES. fucking whores. sigh. i hate ppl right now. i keep thinking im pms-ing and gonna start bleeding soon. nope. one more day. one more day. just keep being a bitch. fuck. sry. well im gonna go call the one who makes me smile and then im gonna watch the village and scare the shit outta myself. love bitches

Coffee, fruit and p-touch

im so gonna make an awesome sticker label thing. i dont know wut it will say yet tho. hmmmmmmmmmmmm.........lol. geometry next period. yay. i guess. i hope i do well. its the only final im really nervous about. maybe world history. i need to make sure i get Cs or higher tho. so i can have pplz over. it'd be phil, tim, lauren, dalton, rick, mike, emily, sabrina and ashley t. no gangstas. maybe ill invite ryan, and mandi and have them invite ppl and end up having a big party anyways. YAY! GO ME. go good grades. lol. mmm, coffeeeeee and fruit. lol. there was a meeting earlier and the teachers had leftovers so brittni got to mucnhie-crucnhie-yum! lol. im hyper. can ya tell? i get to see flava-flav next period. silly dillon. im so making a label for him that says they call me FLAVA-FLAV! lol. cuz dillon is very silly like that and i nicknamed him flava-flav. he needs to nickname me cuz he cant really call me B.Kelly like ashley, or B.Kellz like Duck *kasey* does. but im gonna go so i can make a label. love you guys!
-LOVES BITCHES

i <3 photo class and nick's rats collage

this class is god. im gonna miss it mad-like. i tried to access livejournal to update but they so blocked it. gay ass lps. i brought my camera to class, right. my DIGI-CAMI! lol. i got some pictures. i got one of jeremy's eye. i was hoping to get one of me, but, i didnt. oh well. i want one of mandi and i, sabrina and i and nikki and i. or all of us but the stupid batteries went dead. ill wait a while. ive still got 30 minutes pretty much. its all good. michelle s is making a blog next to me. itunes is playing my killers cd! YAY FOR HOT FUSS! nikkie is so pretty. i wish i looked like nikki. sigh. oh well. phil was really sad last night. omg. uber-sadness attack! AHHHHH! i thought he was breaking up with me. i was crying. i was so fucked up yesterday. the caffine wore me out up until 7. then i got uber-tired and was kinda like, stoned almost. oh well. it was funny. silly phil called my house after his shower too. im kinda bummed that this is my last day of photography. maybe the councilors will give me photo2 next semester, since they havent even fucked with my schedule yet. thats all cool tho. ts dirt off of my shoulder. i cant wait till dad's off his high horse and i can see phil. you know, maybe i dont want to be a big part of the emo crowd. its just not me. i mean, UGH. i cant stand the things they say. jeremy checked his my-space thing just now on this comp, and his buddies say the stupidest shit ever. i mean, I WENT ON A KILLING SPREE. derrrrrr. fuckers. i wish they'd atleast talk to me, ya know, but i dont want to be emo. i dont like it. its kinda cool that lainey's using a pic of me, mandi and jeremy in the yearbook tho. maybe ill take yeabook instead of photo2 this year. it'd be uber-cool. idk. ive been feeling so fucking off lately. its weird. ryan's being really nice tho. i g2g and see if my pictures dont work. man, i heart computers and the fact that they love me! YAY!
LOVES BITCHES!

Flickr attempt

Flickr: Blog this photo

should provide a link with a picture of me. did it work?

Bright Eyes

dad and i watched connor oberst last night on tv after the chargers game. we lost, 17-20 against the god damn jets. FUCK THE JETS. i wish football playoffs were like nhl playoffs and you had to beat them 3 out of 5 times. then the chargers would still have a chance. BUT HEY! WE MADE IT TO THE PLAYOFFS DIDNT WE!? go us. we played a good game atleast. it was tied like, super close to the end and we went into over-time and shit. cool no? go us; im proud. even tho dad was still a dick after it. phil gave me his little bit of cold and im all in sniffle. and i fucking hate my keyboard. sorry. anyways. yes, im gonna take some cold medicine if we have some. im drinking cherry alka-seltzer water stuff. ew. omg im gonna puke! i cannot finish that. its so gross. omg. well, dad said he'll think about letting me stay home. but he aint leaving until 11 somethin. idk if i should get ready, so i can call kirby right when he leaves, or if i should wait to get ready so dad wont make me go. idk. ill prolly get ready when i finish this. or, if i dont puke that is. so, ive got the keane cd now. go brittni. there's only TWO more cds i want, but only kinda. daniel bedingfield. and bright eyes. cam would be proud. did you know keane doesnt use guitars. how kick ass is that? anypoo. just ate some eggs, bacon and toast. lol. kirby called me. lol. at like 9:24 am. lol. wtf? i had just woken up. but, im gonna go get dressed and straighten my hair. ttyl. loves. <3

Luvvrs an Freends

listening to mike's lil jon cd for a few songs then IM GONNA LISTEN TO MY NEW KEANE CD! SWEET SHIT! lol. im kinda happy but kinda down. phil's depressed. my dad offered to pick him up if his mom would come get him. cuz my dad's gonna be drunk at the end of the game **GO CHARGERS** so he dont wanna drive phil home. and he doesnt wanna pick me up from the movies that he was gonna drive me to so i could see emily and tim and lauren ALONG with phil. poor phil. his mom, man. somebody didnt piss in her cheerios today, THEY TOOK A GIANT SHIT IN HER MOLDY GREEN CHEERIOS. stupid bitch. i cant stand the way she treats phil. i hate her. idc how nice she can pretend to be. there's something that phil's not living up to, some expectation. something she wants him to be, that hes not. i hate her with a deep deep burning passion. he was all depressed. acctually, probably filled with a burning rage. he wanted to beat the shit outta something. i could tell. he had to let me go to think. crazy eh? i was scared shitless. i just hope he doesnt take after me. he needs to calm down. there's always next weekend ya know? i hope hes ok now. sigh. i worry about him, he's so amazing and wonderful, and kinda fragile. emotionally *he's got some sexy ass muscles* and i hate when his mom tries to break him. DIE FAT BITCH DIE!

Ludo and Ursher

i feel bad about the whole ludo fight. lol. tim gave up his and lauren's song Hum Along by ludo bcuz phil told me to listen to itt before tim started getting close to lauren. i feel bad bcuz i always considered ursher's Got it Bad our song. so, i feel bad. lol. poor timmuty.
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going to kearney tomorrow. around 1:30 till 6. prolly eating dinner there too. IM PRAYING THAT DEREK'S MOM WILL LOVE HIM AND ME ENOUGH TO LET HIM COME. lol. if i had money, id pay gas. lol. i really wanna see him. OMG WHAT WILL I WEAR? lol. damn you.
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http://www.weebls-stuff.com/ MMMM BADGER LOOPS. watch Badger, and Footy. lmao. its funny. weebl and his friend bob is cool too.
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mom sent me the pics from new years and the time we were there. ill put them up on flickr. and post the link later on tonight. i look cute in most of them. and im only posting good and/or funny ones. id post them on my blog but i have to download Hello onto my new comp and i have a limited account. grr on dad. then again, i have his password. but uh, derek, i need ur help. i want a new log in page. idk what yet, but when i find it, ill need help.
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i also need to change the tagboard. im sick of dumbasses posting as me and binx. so, if you want to post on my tagboard, and u have my msn account or my aim account, let me know, and ill tell you the new secret to use for posting until i figure something out. grrrrrrr.
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i saw phil last night! YAY! GO BRITTNI. he was so cute! his hair, is like, still cali-surfer-pothead-70's style and its so 'gasmic. i <333 him. so much. he was so adorable. he was bouncing off the walls! lol. it was fun tho. ive got a mix between a bruise and a hickey on my collar. lol. it hurts to touch. ow. teehee. we had fun. i wont tell you what happened otherwise this post would be rated R.......or maybe NC17! lol. go brittni. i <3 boys. i <333 phil soooooo much. im so happy.
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you know whos cool? chloe buzz. idk y. she reminds me of me. but cooler and with girlfriends. ya know? her and i dont really talk, at all. but i read her elljay. and she's so well.....trill. lol. nobody else that i know is trill like her. i feel bad that she cant find someone to love her. she's so awesome. it happens to the best of us. i wish her and i could hang out sometime! lol.
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i get my poar cd and shirt on monday. woot x 10. go branden, way to stick up for yourself against amanda and then lie to me about how you feel about women. that was really jackass- of you. fucker. im still buying a cd tho.
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im going to reply to my soldier tomorrow and write a letter to thomas. think he'll reply? i hope so.
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ive got my pedal now. and my bass amp. how cool am i? now my floor can shake bcuz of me without the need to jump. cuz im fat. and i sound really cool. go me.
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im pretty sure im not going to the uk. which sucks giant wrinkled camel nuts. but, dad really is now considering letting me attend duke since this is my last chance. i hope he does. it would be an amazing experience and phil would be so jealous. oh well. i g2g do my homework so i can see phil agian tonight. wish me luck. loves and kisses. always.
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-Brittni

Apology

i know i made this mistake
i didnt mean to
and i love you
i did it out of love
i still curl tho
into a ball and tears
slide down my skin
the tears are hot
warm against my freezing arms
i didnt mean this
please forgive me baby
bcuz i need you
like the world needs to breath
and if you leave
my chest would never rise again
with the breaths i need
never again
will you hold me
here in the dark
as the movie goes
we dont know
just kiss me here
and there
ill say i love you
as you kiss my nose
ill giggle
that one giggle i reserve
for you
and will you kiss my cuts
make it better
cuz i need you baby
and kiss me now
incase you leave
and ill hold on to you forever
and feel sorry
that i hurt you
ill kiss away the tears you shed
one kiss for every tear that fell
is that ok
with you
bcuz im sorry
and i wanna hold you
and kiss you here
and there
and tell you i love you

-Brittni 01-06-05

couple quizzes

scroll down for the latest posts, cuz these are just quizzes.

You scored as Unipolar Depression. Congraulations! You are depressed! You know just how it feels to bear all the world's burdens, and the value of a 19-hour night's sleep. And you really hate that circle-guy thing on your Zoloft pill packets. Unipolar Depression 100% Schizophrenia 67% Antisocial Personality Disorder 67% Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder 42% Borderline Personality Disorder 33% Eating Disorders 8% Which mental disorder do you have? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Melpomene. You are Melpomene, the muse of tragedy. Despite your joyous singing, you are almost always associated with heartbreak and melancholy feelings. Maybe you should work on sharing your feelings more. Melpomene 69% Terpischore 63% Euterpe 63% Thalia 56% Clio 44% Erato 44% Calliope 44% Polyhymnia 38% Urania 25% Which of the Greek Muses are you? created with QuizFarm.com

omg i <3 bright eyes and sry binx, but my last one is a2a. i still <3 you tho

You scored as Alexisonfire. You love to scream. There is nothing better in the world. Alexisonfire 95% Fear Before the March of Flames 75% Thursday 60% Brand New 60% Bright Eyes 50% Coheed and Cambria 50% Dead Poetic 45% Senses Fail 40% Jawbreaker 40% Straylight Run 30% Dashboard Confessional 25% My Chemical Romance 25% Saves the Day 25% From Autumn to Ashes 5% Which Emo Band are You? created with QuizFarm.com

who the fuck is a fucking genius? THE CHESHIRE FUCKING CAT. HE IS GOD! BOW TO HIM!

You scored as The Cheshire Cat. Congratulations! You're the only character in Wonderland who has sense enough to bow out when the going gets rough. The Cheshire Cat 100% The Catapillar 94% Alice 88% The Mad Hatter 69% The Red Queen 56% The White Rabbit 50% Could you survive Wonderland? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as no hope. you have no controll of what you feel, and you dont know who you are anymore, and havnt known for a while now, you hate who you are, and have problems in your life no hope 95% Social Outcast 90% Denile 90% Happy Chappy 20% popularity 15% how much do you hate you??? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as OBI WAN KONOBE. You're Obi wan konobe. you have trained darth vader. SHAME ON YOU! you can be a hologram? OBI WAN KONOBE 81% LUKE SKYWALKER 75% DARTH VADER!!! 13% Which Jedi are you? created with QuizFarm.com

I Just Wanna Live

in gc's video for 'i just wanna live' they make fun of ashlee simpson by having a magazine cover say something about the voice-over track and then joel, in his pizza outfit i think, does the hoe-down dance like she did on snl. just thought id say.
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im a bitch and i should die. tim.....thanks for helping me out. you know phil better then anyone else does. ur help means alot. i just wish i could be better for him, ya know?
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im still waiting for my pedal to come in the mail. dad DIDNT order a guitar for himself and im kinda disappointed. ok, majorly disappoited. i was really looking forward to taking guitar lessons with him. im kinda mad at him for it too. i never get anything in the mail. once i finish jordge's poem and picture *i got lazy* ill mail the stuff, prolly tomorrow. its kinda hard to write a poem about some kid you dont know. lol. im trying tho jordge. i need to send jess's letter and toria's too tho.
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ive been listening to rain by breaking benjamin for the past 12 hours now. mmmm, blue crazeberry chapstick. lol. im trying to be happy, so, play along if you can please. itll help. i just wish i could talk to phil. without crying. and without feeling like a stupid, worthless, fucked up piece of shit. i hate myself.
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not going to kearney since derek hasnt even talked to me lately so that i could tell him ill be there for 5 hours. oh well i guess. i dont think i can see phil sunday either cuz i have no ride. i hate snow.
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kirby's dying his hair the same color as me. sad sad little fucker. i still gotta kick his ass. he took back what he said about getting closer tho. idk. i think i do need a friend. a close friend. ppl just, cant accept me tho. ppl dont understand that maybe i have a screw loose somewhere. i think he would tho. hes seen worse. hed be able to help me. i just cant believe hes gonna leave me so soon. he wasnt suposed to leave until the fall. i hate you for this kirby.
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im sorry to everyone about thomas. hell be back soon. i didnt know him, but, i mean, its not like hes dead, you can always write to him! so, cheer up emo kids! lol. im thinking about writing thomas. idk y. i think itd be fun. which reminds me, if you have a problem with emo kids at all *AHEM MIKE H AHEM* please dont ever talk to me. i take pride in being 'emo' if you can call me that. so, bite me mike. i <3 emo and i <3 emo boys who rock girl pants and man-bags. bite me. if you hate emo kids so much, why do you like me? if you cant accept others, dont call yourself my friend.
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You scored as Emo & More. Emo and Screamo. Emo & More 88% Indie 71% Indie Rock 71% Hardcore 58% Industrial 50% Classic Rock. 42% Mainstream 38% Punk and Pop Punk. 29% Ska 25% Britpop 13% Hip Hop and Rap 8% Country 0% Music Recommendation created with QuizFarm.com

Firefly

kirby is such an asshole. he wants to get close to me and like, become closer and shit. and like, i think phil doesnt like me talking to kirby bcuz i think phil thinks theres something between kirby and i. there isnt, but atleast i know phil really does love me. i fucking hate myself. man, i wish i could be good enough for phil. but fucking kirby, right, wants to be this close friend and shit when in a couple months, hes leaving for the military. why? idk. and im crying. for many reasons, not just that. but still, LETS BECOME CLOSE FRIENDS AND THEN IM GONNA LEAVE YOU IN A FEW MONTHS JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD DID. but omg, im probably in the worst mental state ive been in since tyler died. i know i made a HUGE MISTAKE in what i did, and i know it hurt phil and i think thats what hurts most. i shouldnt have cut myself. period. and im sick of needing to. im sick of it making me feel better. why cant i be normal and like, idk, cry alot, well, i do that anyways. i really wish i was dead. i should be dead. i always fuck things up. i fuck everything up and this time, its completely my fault. and i wish i could do more then say sorry but i cant. i mean, i promised him id never do it again. its a big promise and im scared to death that ill break it. but idk, it feels like, idk, like its the only way i can get close to making up everything ive done for phil. i hate myself. and, idk, idk how to say any of this. i really dont. im crying all the time, i got an hour of sleep if im lucky and my head hurts like such a fucking bitch. yes, i know, im bitching and rambling, and if you dont like it, go die. i hate life in general. and i just, i wanna say to phil: im sorry i cant be everything youll ever need, im sorry for the way i am. i fucking hate this. i dont know if i should call him, he said i should, but idk. i feel so, small and insecure and insignificant and worthless and idk. i kinda feel like caps again. i mean, if my parents hate me so much that i can only see phil once a fucking month, WHY NOT GO BACK TO CAPS? i mean, life is so horrible. i know that sounds whiny but its true. I DONT HAVE FRIENDS. I HAVE NO ONE TO SIT WITH DURING LUNCH, SO I DONT EAT. ONE PERSON WANTS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND AND THEN LEAVE AND GET HIS ASS SHOT. AND THE ONE PERSON WHO MEANS MY EARTH AND SKY, WHO MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME, IS DEPRESSED AS FUCK AND ITS ALL MY FAULT. give me one good reason to stay here. ONE. i mean, i cant even see derek on sunday. and since dad''s going to kearney, i have no ride to phils. how fun. i wouldnt doubt that phil will never wanna look me in the eye again. man. sigh. idk. i should just crawl up into a little ball in my bed and never come out again. ever. if anyone cares the slightest about me....as if....they can crawl up next to me, and cry with me. it's like. there's always a little black raincloud hiding behind me all the time, but this time, instead of raining on my parade, it shot a lightning bolt thru the biggest and prettiest float in the parade and burned it down. bitch. fucking cloud needs to fucking die. id give anything for some prozac. i wish i didnt take the 30 i had left when tyler died. it really fucked me up......30, in a day. not cool man. i love phil. like crazy. and id do anything for him. and the one part about this whole ordeal that hurts me the most, is that i hurt him. the one thing i wish i could never do. i feel like such a bitch. end of story.

im sorry.

To lie here under you,
Is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

Quotes

from brittni:

" dont get close to me if you plan on leaving "

"prentend to care, itll only hurt me, and ill only die in ur arms again "

"im gonna die tonight, i wont be around to see you leave me"

"loving you is like stabbing myself in the heart with a rusty hook, it never comes out and causes more pain in the long run"

"cut my wrists, you might as well, or else ill do it myself, and ten times harder"

"these hot tears, slice their way over my cheeks, i hope you're happy"

"you know im happy when you hold me, but ill lie to you and say ill die bcuz you wouldnt know me well enough to realize the lies"

Full frontal Nudity

socialD 49 J B: are you ok?
YourBunkGetLost: ok like what?
YourBunkGetLost: like a fish
socialD 49 J B: sigh
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WTF? man, ppl is crazy. last night phil told me that the wizard of oz would make it happen. what IT is i havent the slightest idea. ryan burbach and i are talking about random shit, and kirby's being an asshole. dont get ur hopes up. ok ppl?
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ashley simspon sang during that national football game thing last night. and i didnt watch it but i saw the end clip on the noos. as soon as the music stopped all you heard was this giant BOO from the crowd. LMAO.
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it was dad's birthday yesterday and it totally sucked.
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i miss phil something painful and im crying bcuz miss him so much. doesnt that suck?
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i hate when ppl think im happy. bcuz im not. all the time im pretending to smile for you, im crying inside and wonerding where my razor is and if anyone would notice if i snuck off and made myself happy for a few seconds. sigh. i really like my icon tho. :-D those of you with msn know of what icon i speak of. oh well right? right. ryan is hilarious. and kirby is a dick and i miss phil. so i g2g. loves i guess.

Deer Jerkey

im eating deer jerkey, missing phil, getting angry at my pos keyboard and wearing day-glo disco socks. i miss phil. and i cry over him all the time. i have his picture on my locker, and i always look at him and i always wonder what hes doing at the time and if hes thinking of me. and i cry. i dont know how many times i cried a little through out this day. i wanna see napoleon dynamite and i miss phil. i love him like crazy and im just, AGH, you know? sigh. id give anything to have him here with me.....

Blah

my good mood was totally shot out of the sky just now. im so sry derek. its so good that you can stand up for yourself against him and that shows that he doesnt control you and that you are you're own person. im so proud of you. and i guess saying that makes me happier then i was a minute ago, but, man, i feel bad now cuz i had such a fun new years. you know i love you derek, right? and even tho my sorry ass cant be in mccook, you can ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS email me. period. altho no one ever realises this *ahem....mike* lol. i still love you both. i tried calling phil, he wont be home till six tonight. sigh. how shitty is that. he was at tims i think, maybe mikes or dolton's or SOMETHING. it made me sad, so i called kirby, bitch was sick and sleeping, so i called dustin and he raised me spirits cuz i was feeling kinda crappy. i had just watched Passion. omg. im still agnostic, but omg. that isnt a movie, idk wut it is. its amazing. and i hate having second thoughts about something i stand up for, but it couldnt hurt to atleast READ the bibble could it? i mean, dad's got a bibble. i might. but that movie, i so want to own. derek's prolly frowning at me, but im sorry, its a good movie. oddly, im jealousof the cuts. they looked so not cool, but, idk, lovely. i wish i could cut myself that deep. but i cried like crazy. it was weird. my mom knows im not religious and i think KB knows too. thats why they pushed me to watch it. i had some apple pie and hot cocoa during it, and afterwards, after i got off the fone with dustin, i went into the bathroom and felt really sick. i didnt throw up or anything, but i was sick. i g2g and see RAY! AND AUSTIN AND LIDS AND STEPH AND GEORGE *jordyn* lol. i love you derek, and ill try calling you tonight. love you phil, if you read this anymore. loves to everyone else including mike.

New Years

my stomach hurts so bad, you have no idea. omg. lol. like, my bladder and lower tummy hurts. yesterday it was my heart. cuz of too much caffine. lol. so, im gonna tell you about my new years eve hour by hour ok? ok.
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4pm: arrived at the holiday inn at the quad cities airport and got situated in our room.
5pm: started chatting with jess, kim, jord and toria. all except kim are my cousins. jess introduces me to dustin and we end up chatting for a while.
6pm: talked to dustin near the pool while he was in it. some fat chick jumped in the pool just as he did and ended up jumping ON him. lmao. this fat chick was in a bikini. so jess yells ITS CALLED A ONE PIECE! and then i yelled louder....HIPPO ESCAPES FROM THE ZOO AND ATTEMPTS TO ACT HUMAN WITH BIKINI. lol. she glared at me and i waved. man am i a badass. lmao lmao.
7pm: ate chicken. grabbed silly string and left and ran around the hotel.
8pm: started hanging out with dustin, chase, and some other little boys. mike and brady attacked us with silly string and i was almost crying.
9pm: hanging out in the loft and the upper stairway with the gals and dustin and chase and a friend of theirs.
10pm: get the room key card thing from KB and invite all the kids to our room for a PARTY since everyone else's sucked ass. we partied baby. lmao. we got pictures and all that jazz and jess and i were dancing and we were being dirty and flirting and being girls and shit. then, fucking KB walks in and yells at the boys to get out. so all the way until 11:30 him, mom and i were arguing and shit and it was really fucked up bcuz KB had some fucking nervy spaz over boys hanging out with us. apperantly the rest of the family doesnt understand that i connect with boys easier then girls *ahem...derek* owing to the fact that i was raised with two guys and no girls. so fuck them. i got really pissed and just fixed my makeup, grabbed my cd player and walked aoung listening to the killers. chase saw me and asked me if i had seen dustin and i said no and him and i talked for a minute and dustin found us. he was going swimming. so i went down to the pool and sat with the boys and watched dustin swim. told him i was going to the upper staircase and kb didnt mind if he came over there i just couldnt be alone with him so after a while he showed up and the girls came over eventually and we hung out.
12am: dustin and the rest of 'the gang' were at the big central party in the holi-dome and we were counting down. it became the new year, everyone threw confetti, blah blah blah. i went back to the room after saying goodnight to dustin and shit.
1 am: sitting in my room alone writing poem after poem listening to muse cranked on my headphones. mike and brady came in. i had them run to dustin's room with a note for him since i didnt wanna get in trouble for leaving. all that fun shit. lol. so, they couldnt find him, eventually they saw him and i ran out of the back door into the holi-dome thing and w/e and like, saw him room a floor above and a few doors down. so i waved for him to come down. we walked around to get a pop and saw some drunk guy call these black guys niggers and it was really bad. but we ended up in the hallway next to his room. talking about sex, lol, so chase didnt have much to say. there was this couple having sex a few rooms down and you could hear the skin slap and the girl moaning in the hallway. LMAO. we were silently giggling so fucking hard. i could tell almost every 'move' cuz you could hear the skin, you could hear the girl and all that. it was so messed up. lol.
3am: went to bed
5am: fell asleep *damn you redbull and mt dew*
9am: left, ate at ihop
11am: arrived home, brought our stuff in
1130am: left to get shit. i drove from erie all the way to geneseo, tori's, karie's and then jewel. schweet. lol. when mom went into jewel, since it was rainging, i was alowd to park the car, well, i drove up around the bank and around the parking lot, parked in a place where i could see mom, mike and brady come out of the store but these cars got into my way. but, it was all good. nothing bad happened really. at all. did so well driving her car. i like it alot more then dads truck. i need a car so badly. its not even funny. but i g2g. i come home tomorrow. im off now to do homewoek. loves