You

i push myself to the fucking extreme for you
TO MY LIMITS
maybe i had a reason for it tonight
maybe i just wanted to hear you say you love me
i spend all day pushing myself to take another step.
and you cheat out.
when i could have needed you.

Sleep

i sleep alot in my play
and not enough at home.
oops.


monica coudnt take me to phils game, and in the end, monica didnt know claire was going.
ha ha ha.
acting was fun and petreia curled my hair.
thursday...phils house after his game?
monday........SO FIREWORKS. ill prolly end up blowing off my hand. haha. but, phils coming over. swim times, and im cooking bacon cheeseburgers and we'l have tons of pop and im dying his hair black. YUM! i feel bad about changing him, but itll be fun. im excited. picture times.

i like phalin. and billie. but not laura. she tries too hard.

apparently, betsy was waving at me yesterday. i waved back just to be stupid. howd she know it was me? hmmmmmmm

the fact that claire is angry with me bcuz i dont like amber dos not phase me. ill apologize, but it snot that big of deal to me anymore. well, im gonna convince dad to take me to rent a movie and maybe get some amigos. loves

-HB

i love you sugar

Candy

i get candy this weekend.
foreign candy.
from england.
the bestest kind.
god i love cadbury candies.
and england.
and i get english cadbury candies.

HAHA AND YOU DONT! bitches.

saturday w/ derek was fun. more fun then i thought it would be. i got nervous in the end.

sunday......i stayed home. it was good.

yesterday.....acting. star wars. lauren let me take pictures with her phone and some fat lady got mad at me. it sucked.

today, acting and dylan's baseball game. we couldnt afford to get in, so we watched from her car, and oddly, dylan didnt know we were there. and at the end he wouldnt talk to me. but everythings cool. then mon, claire and i went to phils, played soccer, ate cookies and i picked on phil. it was fun.

now im being a bitch to phil and its pissing him off.

butters got his swollen paw drained, cleaned and fixed. he had to stay the night at the kitty hospital. poor baby. now he has to wear a plastic elizabethen collar and a string thru the hole in his paw that the vet put a hole thru. and i ahve to take off his collar three times a day, feed him medidine twice a day, and move his string so his paw doesnt heel around it. MY POOR BABY. my kitty makes me cry.

all in all, over thing is close to OK now.

-HB

Good Mornin

i woke up at 12:30 with my dad entering my room saying JUST SEEING IF YOU WERE STILL ALIVE. lmao. i go, good morning to you too, and attempted to peek at the clock without dad knowing i was sleeping naked. hard to do. so i get on my comp and im about to go swimming.

last ngiht was, eventful. i learned things. lots of things. it was......quite the convo you could say.

im glad phil and i got the whole derek thing out of the way. everything will soon be ok. i hope. but, well. im happy. i probably wont see phil today.....altho after last night i want to......but im exhausted, and ready to swim and memorize lines.

today is looking to be a slow, uneventful, yet good day.

oh, and one more thing, im glad phil understands that 'my heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelry.....whichever you prefer' ;) i love you baby. you're the greatest thing to ever come into my life and im so thankful for all youve done for me. i love you sugar. ;)

Sometimes

sometimes you have to apologize for how you feel. and who you are. especially if your feelings hurt more then one person. love always says that you shouldnt be sorry for who you are or how you feel. but my feelings put a small burden on one person's shoulders and i kinda hurt someone being brutally honest about those feelings.

im sorry i feel that way for derek



you're still my number one and i wish you knew that you have all my heart. and jsut bcuz i feel that way for derek doesnt mean i love him like that. its more of a crush if you ignore the respect and sisterly-brotherly love i hold for him. i dont love love him. you have my whole heart if you want it

Derek

Hermia

first friday of acting today. sweeeeet. i start staying after next week. its kinda nerve-wrecking. and i love it. phils meeting me at the theatre around 5 so he can come home with me. YAY. monica's taking him home after a while. tomorrow derek comes in AND IM SO EXCITED! dad almost went to chicago and would have forced me to stay with tony. ala NO derek. but nope. YAY IM SO EXCITED. woot. lol. i have to be off book in one week. scary.
the baseball game last ngiht was fun. even tho dylan and i arent/werent tlaking. td made us laugh tho. and phil and i talked from across the dugout area. i think claire's in trouble. i g2g now tho
<3
-HB

Shit

i want to cry. im not sad. im exhausted. i spent an hour and a half on ONE scene. and im SICK of playing the beautiful yet angry vixen.

personally, im sick of every problem that somebody can find in me. im sorry i have so many imperfections that you ahve to rub them in my face. im sorry that i ever cared about anybody. i just want to have fun. and all you can do is point out how im always wrong and its always my fault.

stupid fucking baseball game. id rather stay home, do some good crying and try to memorize my lines.

i know ill cry at this game. i wish today was a good day.

i wish yuod stop reading this entry now.


FUCK YOU SEAN. WE NEED FORMAL DRESSES AND WEDDING DRESSES. WE'RE NOT NORMAL BLUE-COLLAR GIRLS.

-HB

Bored

jsut got done swimming. i had hoggies for dinner. phil had baseball in elkhorn and isnt back yet. derek's comign into town REALLY soon and im so excited. but we might ahve to hang at claire's cuz dad's got this anti-gay thing going on and it made me cry. but i found a cute tshirt. play is coming along nicely. i have to stay after next week to work on how we want my scenes blocked. i gues he cant handle all my talent!!! HAHA! good joke i know. cant wait till tomorrow. im off for willy wonka and script times

-HB

Im ok

im ok. even tho blogger wont let me view my blog entries that were before december.
its kinda gay, i know.
phil was on the internet and left to go ask his mom about the jva show on sat
hes not back yet and its been an hour.
i hope he didnt fall asleep
bcuz id be devastated.
i wanted him to read tacky to me
so i could hear his voice and fall asleep with a smile on my face.
he left his comp on.
his second line wont ring.
now i cant wake him up. damnit
CALL MY CELL BABY.
derek > i need to know your arrival and depature times. saturday, ive got pool plans, sauna plans, eating plans and LOCAL CONCERT PLANS. <3

-HB

Uh oh

when you have an angel's arms around you.....and something doesnt feel right. is there, in truth, something wrong with you? when mr wonderful/amazing/perfect loves you, but you cant help but point out his WORST and most HURTFUL imperfections, are you a bad person?



im fearing that this is the end. bcuz all i feel is sadness.

am i too spoilt or am i right in thinking the way i do?



plz help me, plz.

Damn Nosey Luebberts

erin knows. which means, at any moment, satan could know. and if satan knows.......well, lets just say that once dad finds out *and he promised this* i get kicked out. I GET KICKED OUT OF MY HOUSE once he finds out. and that is horrible. bcuz ill be forced to live in illinois. i wont have a choice. EVERYTHING hates me right now. everything. i swear. and im not 'just being a whiny 13 year old' 1)bcuz im 16 and 2) bcuz erin knows, my dad hates me, im a total bitch, and im a horrible girlfriend.
.
dad and i got into a fight last night bcuz i 'had an attitude'!!! ???WTF MATE??? lol. i mean, he's sitting there beating his feet into the ground to make the house shake and ALL I WANT TO DO IS LISTEN TO FALL OUT BOY! IS THAT SO WRONG? no. so i got angry and he tried to tell me to get off the phone with phil and i didnt want to. he had JUST gotten home. asshole. so he ALMOST said i couldnt do acting. well, i relapsed and had an episode. i started bawling. i was coughing. i even ended up throwing up. and once i finally got up off the floor, where i was curled into a ball, i called phil, secretly, and all i could do was make him sad. and honestly, i just wanted to say goodbye. and i WAS in the mood for suicide. but i called him and i decided the hospital would work, but he still freaked.

i hate myself.
thats all you need to know.

i have NO room to complain about him.....and i do........i need to complain about myself so i can make others happy. i shoudlnt worry about what i want. its about what phil wants. and i gues sim ok with that. he IS my angel, and im thankful. i owe him everything and all i can do is complain about the little things he never does. someone shoot me. if i was gone, id be the best gf ever.

-HB

Dads

happy father's day!!?! lol. i hope my daddy liked his gift. i wonder if my brother even told him happy father's day. i did. twice. once at 2am, and then when i woke up. lol. im such a sweet daughter. last night rocked. claire came over, then tony,julie,ryan and jess arrived and they swam and then we watched madtv. then we went to the lazlos on the other side of town and it was fun. the waitor made us laugh like no other! he kept acting like he was getting fired. then, we were driving down 27th to go laser tagging, and this guy with a 'sweet ride' started driving really fast and ended up skidding to slowdown and hit the front of his car ont he side of the concrete bridge *one on n27th going over the traintracks near a corn mill thingy, towads the fair kinda*and there was smoke everywhere and it smelled of burnt rubber. claire and i laughed. then we played lasertag and it was SO much fun! i was the highscore during the 3rd game. tomorrow is acting! YAY! phil comes home tonight. him and i hardly get time on the phone anymore. that kinda ticks me off. the week after acting, ALL im doing, is talking to him on the phone. i mean shit, hes got baseball drivers ed and taking care of his neighboor's dog. ive got acting 2 to 5. im sick of missing him. shit for all i know, right now, hes depressed, stressed or even pissed. well, i think im gonna go swimming so that i can forget all this bcuz its making me sad. lovessss

<3

-HB

ppppppossstttyyyyy

posty. lol. its midnight. god damnit.
.
i woke up at 8am, said bye to mike, and went back to sleep. i had a dream i ran away from count olaf's house into a seemingly abandonned apartment and spent some time with this family, and then count olaf sent a huge army after all of humanity *ala hitler* and they had already killed most of the world before i ran away but a family survived in this apartment bcuz it looked like everyone was dead when walking by ya know? they (army) eventually arrived at the apartment and the guys were shooting at the army and the girls were hiding. and i killed a guy. he latched onto my neck from behind and i paused, planned and reached my arm back and punched his nose and slammed his face into the counter as i bent down. then i kicked him and snapped his neck. lol. woke up and thought it was 10am and it was 1:30pm. phil called and yells IM FREE! like he was a nigga slave or something. but, i showered, shaved and made myself feal really beautiful. i couldnt find a ride to phils. dad came hoem adn took me. phil and i walk from tims house to phil's neighboors house and he ran home for a sec. we ended up watching finding nemo but we started making out. well, first i got a backrub, which i could use right now. and when we were making out he had my arms held above my head and it bruied my wrists. i liked it. well.......then we did stuff........monica picked me up and we went to the mall and i saw callen and i found some cute sunglasses. came home. dad finsihed watching the baseball game and we were both in a good mood, then my period kicked in and i wanted subway and ice cream. but dad said no. and i threw a fit. and i feel like i ruined phils night when i was bitching. oops. i feel horribly. but, i hadn't eaten today so i made three pancakes, an egg and some bacon. and a some cheap knockoff of drp. yum? lol.
.
i love phil so much. and today, idk why, but i started crying about it. i felt bad. and i also felt like i was being a steroetypical girlfriend, but i couldnt help it. i jsut, we had just finished and was getting dressed and honestly, my first thought was ANGEL. he's so beautiful. and we were holding each other and i was crying bcuz im jsut amazed. i truly am. if living thru all the shit in my life was what i had to do to have phil love me, id live it all over again with a smile on my face. he's so wonderful to me and to quote nsync Something Like You lol. lately, i feel so in love. and its so creepy bcuz it's been over 8 months and ive never felt like that for ANYONE. im just so overwhelmed that someone so beautiful and wonderful could really love me back. im so lucky.

and not to really break the moment, but my dog is laying voer my air vent and just farted and now my whole room REEKS. lmao. well. im gonna do this info thingy from derek and then im gonna go.
<3
HB




THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Brittni
2. Babers
3. Heartless Bitch

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. SocialD49jb
2. lbass_bgilman_luva *lmao*
3. pippintig_frodo

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My love of words.
2. My ability to make people laugh and act really crazy.
3. My ability to flirt and tease.

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My body.
2. My jealousy.
3. My dirty room.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. British
2. German
3. Scottish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Spiders
2. To lose Phil.
3. Being Deaf or blind.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS (aside from food/drink/air/etc):
1. Computer :D
2. Phil
3. A Hug

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW/FAVORITE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING:
1. My happy bunny pajamas
2. Phil's LiveStrong bracelet
3. My Claire's tanktop

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS (at the moment):
1. Postal Service
2. Armor For Sleep
3. All American Rejects

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Right Here - Staind
2. Dirty Little Secret - All AMerican Rejects
3. Something Like You - Nsync

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Vacation to someplace other then Nebraska with Phil
2. France
3. Psitions

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Sexy
2. Good Listener/ Very Caring
3. Gives the bestest Hugs
*yes, this does describe Phil*

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no order)
1. I hate fireworks.
2. I love the smell of tropical fruits.
3. I wasn't born in Nebraska.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. His Eyes
2. His Music style
3. His ability to kiss.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Go more then a week without reading a book.
2. Go a week without talking to Claire
3. Go a day without talking to Phil

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Phil
2. Acting
3. Reading/Writing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. See Phil
2. IHOP
3. Piss

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Novelist
2. Rockstar
3. Travelling Journalist/Photographer

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Hawaii
2. England
3. Bahamas

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Kean James Anakin Liam
2. Claire Desiree Angelique Alyce

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Marry Phil
2. Perform with a band on stage
3. Live in France, Hawaii, England, Bahamas and Ireland.

Lyrics Bitch

some lyrics.........put up with it.
.x.
I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting
-staind

.x.

Avalanche is sullen and too thin
She starves herself to rid herself of sin
And the kick is so divine when she sees bones beneath her skin
And she says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Chris is all dressed up and acting coy
Painted like a brand new Christmas toy
He's trying to figure out if he's a girl or he's a boy
He says:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Doodle takes dad's scissors to her skin
And when she does relief comes setting in
While she hides the scars she's making underneath her pretty clothes
She sings:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

Therapy is Speedie's brand new drug
Dancing with the devil's past has never been too fun
It's better off than trying to take a bullet from a gun
And she cries:
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

JT gets all fucked up in some karaoke bar
After two drinks he's a loser after three drinks he's a star
Getting all nostalgic as he sings "I Will Survive"
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?
Hey baby can you bleed like me?
C'mon baby can you bleed like me?

You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Just try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
Try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend
You should see my scars
You should see my scars
-garbage

.x.

sorry if i sound sad with these songs. i just like the lyrics. im not sad. im acctually angry bcuz my mom woke me up at 9 when i went to bed at 5 am again! FUUUUUCCCKKKKK! and a half. im fucking exhausted and mnd starts on monday. biatch. im excited, but i have no way to get downtown. oh well. ill figure SOMETHING out. but, i get to talk to phil soon and im uber happy about that.
.
so last night, i go to phils game. they lost, and phil didnt even play. i was soooo depressed. well, during the beginning of the game, i got sunflower seeds thrown at me. so i asked the pathetic freshman to stop, since i CAN be reasonable. well, later on, they threw rocks at the end of the game, we turn and look and see them RUNNING AWAY. oh goody, throw somethign and run.dumbasses, cant stick up for themselves. so claire, mon and i go after them and i stop a little ways from them, and see they're all gathered together of course. so we start walking into the parking lot to get some really big rocks, and they start yelling BYE! and shit. so i come up to tehm and ask if they have a problem. i start yelling at them. one girl freaks out bcuz there were little kids, but the skanky preps chose the damn spot since they RAN AWAY FROM US. well. i didnt start anything cuz they kept moving around, giggling, and spanking each other. it was gross and pathetic. so i walked away and waited for phil, not wanting mary to know i freaked out. i found phil and i almost hit him when i saw him cuz he surprised me. it felt good to hug him. it really did. but then he had to go and so did we. so i was SO angry on the way home, i sat in front and i kept screaming and cussing. and i couldnt stop. i just kept YELLING and doing this growling thing. well, i had the window down and i was screaming lyrics to songs like an emo kid and i told some guy that i would eat his heart out. and i would like, spasm and start throwing my fists and arms everywhere, adn scream and punch mon's dashboard. it was kinda scary. then we were fucking with someone and kept throwing ourselves *claire and i *into the backseat and having mon driveaway. and once i even screamed I HATE NIGGERS! nad i think i yelled I AHVE A GIANT PENIS IN MY SHOE. but i dont think anyone could tell what i was saying. but i was so pissed. as soon as i saw a car with the windows down, id SCREAM! it was so loud. and when id spasm and freak out, it would make my head spin. it was kinda sickening. but i got home, got online and before i knew it, claire was here and we were eating seeds by candlelight on my deck........then we were in here, and about to pass out. and it felt like we were on drugs and i dont even know what i was saying. we couldnt remember shit. and we decided my cat smelled like rotten vagina. LMAO. and that to have a rotten vagina, you must be completly abstinant!!!! FUCK YOU PIUS GIRLS. but tim was online for a while and we talked about all our good times with phil and stuff. it was great. i miss the guy. but my party cant be on july 4th if tim is gonna come. :s lol. man, whats weird, is even tho i was crying over one of phils pictures.....im in a great mood. IM JSUT TOO EXHAUSTED TO SHOW IT. lmao.

well, im gonna go and make tea now and watch spongebob and prolly anchorman again. peace out homie j dawg.!

<3

ps I LOVE LAMP

pps you know what else tim and i talked about? how great and cool and wonderful phil is and how neither of us could ask for a better friend <3

ATO

went to applebees with the family and dad let me cheat on my diet. i almsot inhaled the cheeseburger bcuz it was SO GOOD. then we went to walmart and got haircare products. and then dairy queen since it was mike's bday. i got a moolatte. then i hung out here until claire snuck over here at midnight last night. we ALMOST went swimming at 4:30 am. but she left at five. i finally went to bed at 6:30. we talked to derek, and jerzy. but jerzy was being a little bitch and really pissed us off. claire decided DYLAN > JERZY. lmao. i think its cute. when my dad finally left and i went out to the couch to sleep, i started watching fairly odd parents and it was a chip skylark episod and i literally fell asleep in the middle of singing Shiny Teeth by chip skylark. wtf mate.

its only wednesday, and that makes me sad. i ahve photos of me that monica developed and i wanted to send them to phil but i have no stamps. i also want to send him the poem i wrote. not like hed appreciate it much! but oh well. i love him nonethe less.

have a good day!

-Brittni <3

aka the Heartless Bitch

(p.s. FUCK THIS DAMN MUSIC SEARCH THINGY



im listening to AFTER THE ORDER!)

Thinking

i was thinking about something dylan and claire said on sunday. dylan asked me if phil was 'well endowed.' and i said yes. but claire said, 'what if you're just saying that bcuz you love him?' so dylan says 'yeah, but if he wasnt she wouldnt be dating him still.' and i said 'yeah.' but i didnt mean it like that and altho phil never heard it, i still feel bad. bcuz, i wouldnt dump phil jsut bcuz he cant please me. i love phil soooooo much. and i never want him to leave. buutttttt, if he wasnt 'well endowed' i jsut wouldnt enjoy fucking him adn we wouldnt do it as much. but, i think that the fact of the last time i saw him, i went from bored to in the mood in about 15 mins. and we ended up fucking inbetween two bushes on the side of an elementary school. if THAT doesnt prove he's well endowed and that i enjoy sex with him, idk what will. and p.s. DYLAN.......THERE IS NO MOVIE! bastard.

Dun DUn DUnn

wooohoooo! back to report another day of being A HEARTLESS BITCH! acctually no.

.

i ended up going to the mall with phil, monica and claire. after we stopped by phils house, walked in, and 'surprised' him. im so tempted to ask why he was so jumpy tho. i gave him his ring. he didnt say much about it. :( i mean, helllooo A STERLING SILVER PROMISE RING. that takes thought, time, and money to purchase. but oh well i guess. he never says much about his gifts. but we went to the mall and monica got some REALLY cute shirts since she's got a makeover coming soon. and claire stole some earrings. and bought a pin thats says DROP IT LIKE ITS HOT. we even walked by that total image urbanwear store and claire said NIGGAS really loud, so we ran away. then some pius cheerleaders were there, and it was kinda dumb bcuz it was the initiation or something. why the hell dont they do that during the schoolyear? wtf? oh well. dumbasses. but they looked even more stupid then the lns cheerleaders did, so i felt a little proud. but they were all saying hi to phil and phil didnt like it. we left and took phil home, then he snuck out again and monica and claire took 5 from phil for gas and searched for a dairy queen while phil and i spent some time ''hiding'' by the school near his house. lol. then monica and claire picked me up and we said by to phil who walked home bcuz 'he was on a walk.' :) and we got gas at the gas station near tarlowski's house. and then claire and i shared a moolatte all the way home. and we saw chase who showed us his nipple in jen a's car. and claire and i kept bumping heads sicne we were both drinking the moolatte as fast as we could and it looked like we were making out. monica made fun of us. i soon got home and had an interesting convo with jerzy. the end.

today is my brother's birthday and we're going to applebees. which makes me really sad. only bcuz i have to restart this fuckedup diet again since i was cheating. oh well. ill stick to it this time. since i cant cheat while im acting. so ill have healthy snacks during acting and eat a healthy dinner when i get home. but its the nights and weekends where i get all junk-foody. oh well. im performing in a play again and that means LOTS of water and LOTS of health foods. since the costumes tend to look funny on me. but im excited. and so are my friends! :D

Phil,

i just realised, that if i could be next to you forever.......none of this random drama shit would fuck with me. and i wouldnt do anythign stupid. and everything would be ok.


i wish you were ungrounded......on saturday.......im speading the whole day with you!

Photos

photo time bitches

I Rock

you know how i fucked with that erin girl yesterday. well, her whiny little dumbass friends decided to comment, and oddly. IM ENJOYING THIS. hahahahaha. wanna read em? they're funny. oh, and before you read em......just remember BITCH IM GANGSTA, ILL FUCK YOU UP!:this girl of which you speak of...that erin girl that just got dumped....yeah...your horrible. your that or...

a-a heartless bitch.

b-a heartless bitch who wants to bang dylan.

c-a heartless bitch who just wants some ass cuz shes not gettin it anywhere else

or....d-all of the above.

either way....you and all of your little friends are total bitches and should burn in hell. fuck you and all of your skeazy little friends for doing that to that poor poor child....erin is it? yah...you have a great day.

Posted 6/13/2005 at 1:05 AM by bitemybutt107 - delete - block user

right, just to let you know (because you probably just disregarded the previous comment), you are a heartless bitch. do you think it is RIGHT to do that to someone? do you find pleasure in it? you are a sick motherfucker. i hope you burn in hell, slutface. actually, you are so fucking horrible, that hell probably wont accept you. you'll be the devil of your own realm of horrible souls. congradulations, satan.
Posted 6/13/2005 at 1:17 AM by ggsafetypatrolcone - delete - block user
.
one of them cant even spell congratulations. and, you know this is a pius girl when she goes into 'own realm of horrible souls.' lmao. now unless these dumbass little girls will fight me, phil and dylan are gonna make them shutup. bcuz i DID offer to apologize. and i would have and yes, it would have been sincere. i didnt realise the dumb bitch had such an infatuation with a player like dylan. so yeah. but still. lmao.
. love you phil.


---------------------------
You are...(looks)
[ ] tall
[x] in between
[ ] short

[ ] blonde
[x] redhead
[x] brunette
[ ] black

[x] blue-eyed
[ ] brown-eyed
[ ] green-eyed
[ ] hazel eyed
[ ] gold/gray eyed
[ ] black-eyed
[x] glasses
[ ] contacts

[ ]braces
[x] freckles
[x] piercing(s)
[ ] tatoos

[ ] long hair
[ ] short hair
[x] med. Hair


Your nationality includes...
[ ] chinese
[ ] indian
[ ] taiwanese
[ ] japanese
[ ] hispanic
[ ] nicoya
[ ] puerto rican
[ ] chicana
[ ] italian
[x] scottish
[ ] filipino
[x] dutch
[x] french
[x] German
[x] Irish
[ ] Greek
[ ] Portuguese
[ ] polish
[ ] korean
[ ] jamacian
[ ] canadian
[ ] lithuanian
[x] Native American
[ ] Russian
[x] British
[ ] African
[x] Other
[ ] Australian

Your favorite color(s) are?
[x] red
[x] pink
[ ] yellow
[x] black
[x] green
[ ] blue
[ ] white
[x] silver
[ ] purple
[ ] brown
[ ] orange
[ ] gray

Some sports/physical things you have done?
[x] football
[x] cheerleading
[x] dancing
[ ] lacrosse
[ ] soccer
[ ] field hockey
[x] hockey
[ ] rugby
[x] softball
[x] wrestling
[x] gymnastics
[ ] track/cross country
[ ] Basketball
[ ] baseball
[ ] golf
[x] playing in the mud
[x] playing music
[ ] hiking
[x] camping
[ ] horseback riding
[ ] marching band
[x] Skateboarding

Your personality is sometimes...
[x] annoying
[x] talkative
[x] shy
[x] funny
[x] serious
[x] bubbly
[x] spazzy
[x] fun loving
[x] laid back
[ ] strict
[x] hyper
[x] weird

The music you like is?
[x] rap...
[x] rock
[ ] pop
[ ] country
[x] hip-hop
[ ] r&b
[ ] slow jams
[ ] Christian
[ ] classical
[x] techno
[ ] oldies
[x] punk
[x] Metal
[ ] reggae
[ ] Goth
[ ] Latin

The pets you have are?
[x] cat
[x] dog
[ ] lizard
[ ] rat
[ ] ferret
[ ] rabbit
[ ] fish
[ ] other
[x] phil *just playin baby!*


Clothes you like to wear are?
[x] plain tshirts
[x] sweatshirts
[ ] stockings
[x] high heels
[ ] sneakers
[x] jeans
[x] pajama pants
[x] boxers
[x] underwear
[ ] dresses
[ ] mini skirts
[x] long skirts
[ ] watches
[x] necklace
[x] hoop earring(s)
[ ] toe socks
[x] flip flops
[x] halter tops
[ ] stilletos
[x] band shirts
[ ] shorts
[x] skate clothes

How do you like to wear your hair?
[x] down
[x] ponytail
[x] pigtails
[x] messy bun
[x] half ponytail
[ ] scrunched/curly
[x] bun
[ ] crimped
[x] with a bandana
[ ] French braids
[ ] lots of little braids
[ ] Gel
[x] Hat
[x] messy (bed head)
[ ] Mohawk
[ ] SIDE SWEEP

mmm Baseball

double header today. and claire made it!

x arrived a teeny bit late and hung out with dylan

x dylan's trying to break up with his gf erin and it got annoying

x got bored and hung out in monica's car on the other side of the field and dylan tried to get claire and i to make out. phil soon arrived cuz he had 15 mins between games and also tried to get claire and i to make out. then dylan was sitting on the hood of monica's car and she started driving and dylan fell off and rolled and kinda hurt himself.

x we *mon, claire, dylan and i* went to amigos and dylan placed an order to some guy named cody and sdylan said his name was chuck and tried to order 6 chicken fa'J'itas like on family guy. then the cody guy got confused and some girl got on adn was like WHAT DO YOU WANT. lol. so we got mexifry nachos.

x then claire, monica and i, looking for trouble, walk in the bathroom right behind dylan's gf's friends and we see erin crying so we wlak next to the stalls and i said I CANT BELIEVE YOU MADE OUT WITH DYLAN, CLAIRE! lmao. and apparently dylan and i are cousins! it was great. dylan got bitched out but i got a hug in the end. he smells nice.

x second game gets boring, we WERE losing. we had our fun. thenit ends up being 7-7 and i was so happy, and they played ANOTHER inning so we skipped the beginning of it and went to amigos and said our name was chuck and it took us three tries to get our order of a large drp minus the ice czu the guy kept fucking up cuz we yelled so loudly! lol.

x we got back and they were still 7-7 but we eventually got a run and won! im so happy. phil's so wonderful.

sad things: dylan could only hang out with us during the first game. the girls wouldnt start a fight with me. and well, thats it. lol.

i love baseball games. HAHA

ps. claire answered dylan's phone when blaire called. LMAO

pps. claire, dylan and i had fun impersonating brick from anchorman
THEY CAN SMELL THE MENSTRUATION!

Rangers

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Rangers jersey and hat. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed! You'll have to leave." The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the TV's broken at home, and this is the only place around where we can see the game."

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The game begins with the drop of the puck. The Islanders come storming out and take it to the Rangers. A big slapshot by Trent Hunter is caught by the Rangers' goalie. Suddenly, the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've seen! What does the dog do when the Rangers score a goal?" The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for seven years."

Donut

what i wouldnt give for a krispy kreme donut.
.
its thundering outside :(
.
today is phil and my 8 month. yay for us. too bad hes grounded.
.
my sunburn is healing eeverywhere EXCEPT my chest, where is hurts the most. there's all these teeny tiny blisters on my chest! OW!
.
i went to phils baseball game last night.......they were 4-5 and i had to leave, i was late home and i left just before the last inning started. i was so mad. the only reason i went was to stay afterwards and hug phil. or atleast blow him a kiss, bcuz every time he went into that damned dugout, i could barely ahve enough time to smile. i think he saw me singing grease songs for monica into a pop bottle, bcuz right after i did it, they ran into the dugout and he looked at me, smiled, and shook his head. so maybe. and there was a time in the game i got so pissed that i stomped my foot on teh metal bleachers and it was reallll loud. lol. but i was so angry that one)they were losing cuz with how phils life is going, he deserves to be WINNING. he needs something really relaly good to come his way, ya know? and two) bcuz my dad really made me come home by TEN!!! on a wednesday night *nobody throws parties then* in the summer just before my junior year of highschool! FUCK YOU. but i think i have a car. lol. but, you know, all i want to do right now, is hold phil. honest to god, just hold him. and let him know i love him. FUCK YUO MARY! she kept looking at me during the game. like i was a slut or something. i hate her. monica said i should walk behind her and push her down the stands. lol. and when i was talkign to her later, i go 'monica, you know what i wanna do?' and she goes *loudly, mind you* 'KILL MARY?' lmao. and i was about to say sex on the field. lol. poor phil. i feel horrible. hes the greatest guy ever.
.
i was making his 8 month gift last night, and i had been working on it for over 2 hours straight and my comp freezes up! GOD DAMNIT! im so pissed. that took me ages to do. and now i have do it before i get ahold of aaron and have him take me to drop it off. BUT his 9 month gift should be arriving anyday now. and im gonna wear it until i give it to him, but he'll never ever know what it is. im trying to finish up the poem i wrote for it tho. DAMNIT. i perform on our 9 month aniversary. atleast im in midsummer night's dream. maybe ill go buy that, or a sparknotes book on it. atleast ill know who im playing. lol. I ACNT BELIEVE I GET TO DO A BILLY-S PLAY! yay! *billy shakespeare* OMG YES YES YES! lol.
.
i cant wait to see if phil's 9.month gift fits him. ill prolly give it to him early tho. :D! i hope he fits a size 10!buutttttt, i g2g and eat my nocarb breakfast....or lunch, idk which. but im starving and i ruiend my diet yesterday. but i dont care.
.
love you phil, forever
.
-Brittni

cars

clairesterchicky: finally i wouldnt have to put up with dumbass "what turn where?????? im lost"

claire said that ^ after i said i might be getting a car


LMAO

Dolce

im your worst nightmare
but your best dream
its a strange desire
but an inflicting wound
.
i wish i was like christine dolce. she's the world's most beautiful women.

someday, ill be almost as beauitful as her. she's so sexy.
.
i think ive figured out how to atleast look close......face and hair wise. only, im gonna re-try to dye my hair. and ill look a little more rockstarish. and every guy will want me.
.
and ill be happy----er.
.
phil gets home at 6 :(
.
p.s. only tim and i can understand how truly awesome, yet freaky phils dad is. i mean, like, we ALL know that mary is the queen bitch of the house. lol. so you can understand how whipped phils dad is. i mean. this guy is like a damn zombie. lol. phil and i will be sitting on the couch downstairs and out of no where, this guy will walk past uo and grunt. and hell be in another room for 20 mins adn then do it again. he'll ahng his head where ever he goes too. like hes never happy. and apparently, one time, he walked downstairs when tim was staying the night with phil, and lol, this guy really walks down really really late at night and says 'i need a blanket.' lmao. i would have pissed myself. i love the luebbert family, sans mary.

MexiFry Nachos

i want mexi-fry nachos. fucking yes. but fucking no. damn you south beach diet. i hate you.
.
i couldnt sleep last night! why? well, for starters i couldnt sleep in my bed and had to sleep on the couch bcuz of my sunburn. that bitch made it painful to walk, let alone climb my bed. and, of course, i was eager to talk to phil, so, i kept waking up and was never on at the right time. so im kinda sad.
.
mike's gonna be leving to his friend's house soon. thank god. cuz for brittni.... that means

NO-CARB MEAL AND LEMONY SNICKET TIMES!

lol. i cant cross my legs! FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK! i am in so much pain. i was crying so badly last night. it was horrible. my stomach adn head were fuckign with me, dad thinks it was from too much sun, and i couldnt move a god damn muscle bcuz of this sunburn. WTF!?
.
love you phil.
-Brittni

Sun

im so horribly sunburnt. the goosebumps from the cold air makes my skin hurt. im gonna cry. not only bcuz of the pain of my skin, but bcuz of my tiredness
.
rawr. not really. the no-carb diet, along with running in and outside today, the pain of my skin and waking up early is making me tired. and i have to wait till 11:30 to tlak to phil. im waiting it out,e ven if it kills me.
.
im doing a mid summer night's eve this summer. :)
.
tummy ache.
.
i feel like im gonna die.
.
i take everything abck that i said yesterday.
i lvoe you phil.

I

i think i hate you
i think you're selfish
i think you dont understand
i think we should be over

i think im worthless
i think im pathetic
i think these tears were wasted
i think they were wasted over you

i think someone could be better
i think you're blind
i think you have no idea what you have
i think you might
but still, i think you dont give a fuck

sometimes

i think these 7 months and 27 days might have been wasted
i think i gave up hope
i think you could be better
but i think you dont care

i know you dont see these tears
i know i wont let you
i know you're thinking of me now
i wonder why you dont call
i know i wont answer
but i know i want to

i know i can be bitch
i know you're a selfish brat
but i know you're younger
and i know i was a mistake

so i figure you need to fix this
i figure you're just having fun without me
i figure if you want me, you would have called more then once
i know you know i could ahve been gone
i know you know i wont call you at his house
i figure you're ok without me
i figure i wotn be content till im six feet under

and im fine with that
but

i hope you're missing me
and i hope im wrong

i hope you love me
and i hope you're sorry

i knwo i wont accept it right away
i know im too proud

i know i love you
i know i hate you
i know i dont know what to do
i know i can be a liar

but all i can truly say is

i know my skin is pale and polkadotted red and
i know im crying in the shower

idiot pilot

The rush creates
An impact on the current mental state
And some would say that it's wrong
But I find more joy in coaxing with a gun
And the expression of the chaos we've become
-idiot pilot
---------------------------------------
ive been outside lately and my skin is oily. good? bad? idk. my skin is hot tho, and so are my tears. my stomach is killing me, i cant eat and my eyes BURN. why? bcuz ive been crying.
.
maybe im selfish one
or maybe, you're just not worth it.
.
you know, i may not have taken it well, but next time......TELL ME if you want to go to tims instead. i understand. that way, next time you want/CAN see me, ill tell you im busy and hang myself instead. you're so fucked up.

socIALd 4 9 j b: god, i love double-chins
FBrian599: so hows ur summer
socIALd 4 9 j b: dont you?
FBrian599: oh mos def?
socIALd 4 9 j b: they're so fuckable

Pictures

i made a Phil folder in my pictures folder. 255 files in it. and im still waiting for claire to get home so i can get those pictures we took on thursday. those have got to be the most hilarious pictures ive ever taken/had taken. superman, dylan's car, being 'hit' by monica and phil, even the street sign where i almost died. i cant wait to post them. claire better get home soon. thinking about those pics makes me feel better. last night......i was like, death man, death. crying, i could hardly see the keyboard to type the email i sent to phil. its horrible. i was so depressed. gah. lol. but hey, claire gets back today, and dad and i are going grocery shopping so that i can get carb-food for the next month. i'm going on my dad's diet. which means, NO CARBS AT ALL. the snackfood idea i had about one thing of snackfood per eating-period *i.e. breakfast, lunch, ETC* for one days worth once a week is gone. i have to stop eating carbs all at once. and i start running and doing situps and eating sans-carbs next monday. im excited. i made the rutine so relaxed and simple that i really dont have to do much. im excited. im also excited CUZ THE SUN COMES OUT ON MONDAY FINALLY. and daddy is so buying me tanning lotion when we go shopping. so ill be tan, carb-starved, and sexy!
.
i wish it was really really sunny out and phil had a baseball game RIGHT NOW. i want to go watch him play baseball. like i did the other week and everything was so wonderful in life. the game, the baseball pants, the drive to phils, the mcdonalds, the singing, the driveway, the craft store, the shopko, the bed, the shower. i want to relive that day. when everythign was ok.

Summer

my first day of summer: good.

the weather is horrible and tanning will take ages. and the pool is like an ice-water thingy. its cold. but. phil came over and we swam, got amigos, got candy necklaces, came home and took pictures.

can we say CUTE? lol. you can see his adorable freckles in the first photo.

i wish the weather was just pure sun. i want to fall asleep in the sun light and the warmth.

claire gets home tomorrow, phil gets home sunday. so far my mood is a tad above normal. only bcuz i get to see phil. he wrote me a note. and i <3 it. i get to see a therapist again. and im ok with that. acctually, im happy. but honestly, right now, i dont feel the need for it. tonight?? maybe see monica? if she gets online......right now im bored

I WANT SUN!

Summa

my first day of summer: good.

the weather is horrible and tanning will take ages. and the pool is like an ice-water thingy. its cold. but. phil came over and we swam, got amigos, got candy necklaces, came home and took pictures.

can we say CUTE? lol. you can see his adorable freckles in the first photo.

i wish the weather was just pure sun. i want to fall asleep in the sun light and the warmth.

claire gets home tomorrow, phil gets home sunday. so far my mood is a tad above normal. only bcuz i get to see phil. he wrote me a note. and i <3 it. i get to see a therapist again. and im ok with that. acctually, im happy. but honestly, right now, i dont feel the need for it. tonight?? maybe see monica? if she gets online......right now im bored

I WANT SUN!

Rains in Heaven

today had uber-ups and uber-downs. and overall, its one of the greatest days of my life.

bad:
le grand-pere de phillip est mort. et il est deprime. je suis deprime aussi.
*phils gradpappy is dead, phil and i are sad.*
dad just spent 80 bcuks on me and i feel terrible
phil attempted to cut himself, and its COMPLETELY my fault
i feel like cutting myself
i only passed french with a D+
billy, kaley and i are still fighting

good:
i got to see phil
phil looks adorable
claire, monica, phil and i all had an awesome time together today
claire might acctually DATE someone
we all got some AWESOME pictures, which claire has yet to send to me
phil did the SWEETEST thing today *we were taking him home, and he put his forefinger and thumb on each side of my chin, turned my head and just KISSED ME and when asked why, he said he just wanted to kiss me! <3*
i got a new swimsuit that cost 80 bucks. it's a green adn white striped top and black and green billabong surf shorts. i think the top is billabong too. ill post a pic asap.

i love you phil. im sorry about the other night. please dont do that. but i have a question........

i <3 monica and claire so much right now.

im hungry and dont wont give mike and i enough money to purchase eating goods from subway. or, if monica takes mike to erics house, i MIGHT get money. woot.

the funeral is tomorrow and i wish i could go. :(

i love phil. and my life is good right now. :)

thanks guys.

RIP

im sry phil





if i was a better gf, id know what to say to you to make things a little bit better.





i love you phil.
he's with god now and everythings ok.
im sure your gpa was a great guy.
i love you so much, everythings gonna be ok.


im so sorry

Depressed

good day. good day. left school. stopped at walmart. went home and changed clothes cuz bailey swiped poo all over us and then recorded rap onto a cassatte for our journey. left. picked up phil *who looked adorable* and got mcdonalds. stopped by tims. had a laugh. got movies. went to phils and wacthed 20 mins of a movie. left. stopped by dylan's. argued with him......but it was fun. came home. and now im making a hemp necklace, wondering why calire's grounded and pissed bcuz if shes grounded, then i cant go to phils game and i want to cry.

Grr

fucking lps school internet pos system. blocking my only way to listen to fall out boy. at 10:35, i got to use the internet free-will. armor for sleep works instead of fall out boy. omfg. mrs tinius was like, fucking, reaming me about my library books. it was such shit. and, she wants me to bring them here after school. I WANT TO GO TO PHILS YOU BITCH. lol. anyways.
.
here's my sitch in life right now. im having problems with three people.
.
trevor j blackman: i know you care. i know you want to help. but i dont know your motive and that scares me. im sorry that i cant trust you. im sorry that bcuz you were an ass before and called me a bitch and broke up with me in the worst way possible and im sry that you ruined your chances. i still like you as a friend, but im not going to sit and tell you my problems. if i can get along just fine by holding everything in, then i will. i dont need you. i wish you wouldnt think that i do. besides, even if we were friends, youd never talk to me in school and id never say hi bcuz frankly, i cant STAND meghan. and you're always near her. honestly, if i ever gave you another chance, then you could meet me at the cement classroom and tell me i still mean so much to you. talk about reinstilling faith eh?
.
billy something rentschler: you know what? dont say something if you 1)dont mean it or 2)dont mean it as a joke. ok? either a) you like me or b)you were just being a dumbass. but telling me that i can take a shower at your house while im dating your FRIEND for christ's sake, let alone a teammate, is crossing the line. sure, i flirted back BUT I KNOW THAT IT WONT GO ANYWHERE. I KNOW HOW TO KEEP MYSELF IN CONTROL BCUZ ALL I AHVE TO DO IS THINK ABOUT HOW GREAT PHIL IS! ok. the only reason YOU think im coming between you and kaley is bcuz i probably am. you're thinking about me and about how she can never compare to me and that bothers you. it bothers you that you're not thinking about her. and if SHE has a problem, then you gave it to her. you're the one complainging about shit to her. am i? no. but if she has a problem was MME then i'd gladly take it up with her and let her know that her bf was the one who was flirting and i flirted back. and the flirting meant NOTHING. i hope you're happy.
.
phillip j luebbert: *wtf is it with the two only guys to ever really care having J middle name....haha.....homer's middle name is J(ay)* anyways. next time you're angry....fucking say something. stop being such an innocent little fuck. if you're mad at me, say something, jesus christ. ok? i dont give a fuck if its irrational or doesnt convey everything perfectly. you dont need to be anymore perfect then you already are.
.
dad's also being a prick. apparently, 5 bucks is enough to purchase chink-food. WTF. CAT DOES NOT COST 5 BUCKS! ITS LIKE, 8, PLUS A DOLLAR FOR DRINK AND TAX. WTF YOU FUCKTARD. grrrrr. ive had this planned for three weeks. damnit. i want chink-food over a damn alice bag. so we're just getting mcdonalds today. and we might still bring billy over so that we can discuss everything with him. MWUHAHA. lol. we're also getting monicas photos at walmart. hahahaha. thisll be great. even tho there's pictures of matt at baseball. there's some funny ones. maybe we can get some actual photos of phil playing. omg! I THINK DAD GOT ME A PENTAX 150 CAMERA! LIKE, I DONT THINK ITS COMPLETELY MANUAL......BUT FUCKING HELL. and only 40 bucks. im so excited. like....omg! lol. ill SO get B&W photos of phil for photography next year. itll be beautiful. like, the roses in his backyard and his on a swing. idk why but ive alwasy wanted a B&W photo of him on a park swing. like, all innocent and sweet. im so much happier then i was yesterday. i got a d+ on my geometry test :( so im freaking about passing that fucking CLASS. lol. but, today has been easy. finished the test quite quickly. and fell asleep and dreamed about being at a swimming pool *highlands* and the evil reddish clouds came and it hailed and we kicked david destafano out of the car. and we were on a fourwheeler, and got chased on the snowy hill by my dog bailey who was evil and then we had to walk back to the pool while it was not snowy(ing) and it was funny. i dreamed this during geometry. wtf.
.
well, im gonna go and post my stories and poems from barnacle's class onto my other blog. have fun reading them. one might be about you.
.
<3 Brittni